A Cry for Help
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Hey all,
I'm writing this because I figured I have a serious problem. I'm a 20 year old gay guy and since the quarantine happened, I have had a lot of free time. Instead of being productive, all I can think about is jerking off or playing video games. I am also attracted to wrestling. There's a website that I check almost every 5 minutes for new wrestlers in my area. I am always horny. I don't know how to stop. I hate feeling like this. My eyes are hurting from starting at my phone all day. I am starting to neglect my other responsibilities because I'd rather be touching myself.
Please help, I tried to stop by myself and it didn't work.
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Hey all,
I'm writing this because I figured I have a serious problem. I'm a 20 year old gay guy and since the quarantine happened, I have had a lot of free time. Instead of being productive, all I can think about is jerking off or playing video games. I am also attracted to wrestling. There's a website that I check almost every 5 minutes for new wrestlers in my area. I am always horny. I don't know how to stop. I hate feeling like this. My eyes are hurting from starting at my phone all day. I am starting to neglect my other responsibilities because I'd rather be touching myself.
Please help, I tried to stop by myself and it didn't work.
How did you spend your time differently before the quarantine? What was your social life like?
Maybe the underlying problem is that you're bored, lonely, frustrated, etc.? (Seems normal under the circumstances.) What exactly do you think are the underlying emotions you're experiencing?
What is it exactly you are trying to stop doing? Checking for wrestlers, masturbating, video games, using your time unproductively?
Sounds one part of a solution might be to avoid using the phone or computer you're using to access the internet, but that won't solve the underlying issues. Are there better ways you could use your time that would help improve your situation?
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You’re right. There are definitely some underlying issues that I’m fighting with every day. Ever since I started to embrace my sexuality, I’ve longed for a boyfriend. I am not satisfied with just hooking up because I crave that intimacy with someone who shares the same interests and views as me. I’ve tried to bury it deeper and deeper inside myself by saying “I don’t need a man, I can make myself happy.” I realize that now more than ever, I crave another person’s attention and intimacy.
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You’re right. There are definitely some underlying issues that I’m fighting with every day. Ever since I started to embrace my sexuality, I’ve longed for a boyfriend. I am not satisfied with just hooking up because I crave that intimacy with someone who shares the same interests and views as me. I’ve tried to bury it deeper and deeper inside myself by saying “I don’t need a man, I can make myself happy.” I realize that now more than ever, I crave another person’s attention and intimacy.
Unfortunately, it's not a good time to initiate sexual relationships but it's a great time to make contacts with people online and then meet them later because so many people are in a similar situation. Focus on making friends with other gay men that you will enjoy being around and doing things with as friends. That's how to meet lots of men and sometimes you will click with one. That is a more natural and easier thing to do than to focus on finding a romantic partner and it is a surprisingly more effective and efficient way to find one, too.
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Most of us have had weird times during the covid-19 quarantine. I have also been very little productive during these months, I have watched more porn than ever during these months, I have jerked off more often than before (even having a boyfriend as I do and living together as we are)… I guess now that the quarantine is over, the point is to try to start doing regular things and similar (as much as the pandemic allows us) things as before... coming back to normal, I would say.
In any case, I think professional help from a psychologist is always going to be very positive after such an unusual situation we all have gone through. I am already talking to a psychologist to put things in order in my life again.
And I recommend it to everyone.
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You’re right. There are definitely some underlying issues that I’m fighting with every day. Ever since I started to embrace my sexuality, I’ve longed for a boyfriend. I am not satisfied with just hooking up because I crave that intimacy with someone who shares the same interests and views as me. I’ve tried to bury it deeper and deeper inside myself by saying “I don’t need a man, I can make myself happy.” I realize that now more than ever, I crave another person’s attention and intimacy.
Unfortunately, it's not a good time to initiate sexual relationships but it's a great time to make contacts with people online and then meet them later because so many people are in a similar situation. Focus on making friends with other gay men that you will enjoy being around and doing things with as friends. That's how to meet lots of men and sometimes you will click with one. That is a more natural and easier thing to do than to focus on finding a romantic partner and it is a surprisingly more effective and efficient way to find one, too.
I see what you mean. You’re absolutely right. It is a bit harder for me to meet people since I come from a very conservative and homophobic community. The only way to meet other gay men like me is through gri*dr. That’s also a huge problem for me because I get so obsessed with it that I have to constantly check it for new users. It’s a vicious cycle. Even hanging out with my friends doesn’t bring me any joy or happiness at this point. I need a change of scenery but I don’t know where to look. Also since the gyms have been closed, I’ve been less motivated to do any sort of physical activity and have noticed my weight go up. By staying home and being bored, I tend to pick on my appearance and fall into a dark place in my mind.
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Most of us have had weird times during the covid-19 quarantine. I have also been very little productive during these months, I have watched more porn than ever during these months, I have jerked off more often than before (even having a boyfriend as I do and living together as we are)… I guess now that the quarantine is over, the point is to try to start doing regular things and similar (as much as the pandemic allows us) things as before... coming back to normal, I would say.
In any case, I think professional help from a psychologist is always going to be very positive after such an unusual situation we all have gone through. I am already talking to a psychologist to put things in order in my life again.
And I recommend it to everyone.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Yes, I agree a therapist would be a good start. It’s hard to find one because of how expensive they are. I am going to be home for another 4-5 months mostly because of school. It’s been tough.
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Hey all,
I'm writing this because I figured I have a serious problem. I'm a 20 year old gay guy and since the quarantine happened, I have had a lot of free time. Instead of being productive, all I can think about is jerking off or playing video games. I am also attracted to wrestling. There's a website that I check almost every 5 minutes for new wrestlers in my area. I am always horny. I don't know how to stop. I hate feeling like this. My eyes are hurting from starting at my phone all day. I am starting to neglect my other responsibilities because I'd rather be touching myself.
Please help, I tried to stop by myself and it didn't work.
First off, you can congratulate yourself for not only wanting to make changes in your life, but also sharing them in a public forum like this. That takes real courage, and it probably puts you half-way to your desired outcome.
These quarantine times are very strange for all of us. I spend a lot more time on this website than I used to…and many of us have put on quarantine weight, which is a such a no-no in a culture that often idealizes guys who are as skinny as a toothpick.
As for "touching yourself" more often, that's part of the quarantine experience: Since you're not mingling in the conservative and homophobic community you mentioned in your update, you're in an environment (home) where you can be as sexual as you want. This new-found freedom is something to be celebrated, although of course you don't want to go overboard.
Since you've identified some things that you want to change, you can start by taking baby steps towards what you want. Deciding that "from now on I won't watch porn, and only eat celery and kale" is setting up for failure. Change in our lives is a process, not an event.
Please let us know how you're doing, and know that you have a community of people who care about you. Feel free to send a private message to me if you want.
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Hey all,
I'm writing this because I figured I have a serious problem. I'm a 20 year old gay guy and since the quarantine happened, I have had a lot of free time. Instead of being productive, all I can think about is jerking off or playing video games. I am also attracted to wrestling. There's a website that I check almost every 5 minutes for new wrestlers in my area. I am always horny. I don't know how to stop. I hate feeling like this. My eyes are hurting from starting at my phone all day. I am starting to neglect my other responsibilities because I'd rather be touching myself.
Please help, I tried to stop by myself and it didn't work.
First off, you can congratulate yourself for not only wanting to make changes in your life, but also sharing them in a public forum like this. That takes real courage, and it probably puts you half-way to your desired outcome.
These quarantine times are very strange for all of us. I spend a lot more time on this website than I used to…and many of us have put on quarantine weight, which is a such a no-no in a culture that often idealizes guys who are as skinny as a toothpick.
As for "touching yourself" more often, that's part of the quarantine experience: Since you're not mingling in the conservative and homophobic community you mentioned in your update, you're in an environment (home) where you can be as sexual as you want. This new-found freedom is something to be celebrated, although of course you don't want to go overboard.
Since you've identified some things that you want to change, you can start by taking baby steps towards what you want. Deciding that "from now on I won't watch porn, and only eat celery and kale" is setting up for failure. Change in our lives is a process, not an event.
Please let us know how you're doing, and know that you have a community of people who care about you. Feel free to send a private message to me if you want.
Wow. I don’t know how to thank you enough. I feel like you pointed out everything I tried to say but couldn’t form the words. It’s refreshing to finally be able to talk and be heard without feeling a sense of shame. This conversation that I’ve been having with you and the other helpful users is exactly what I’m looking for. I wish it was as easy as just typing my feelings on a piece of paper and giving it to people in the street haha.
As of right now, I’ve decided to focus more on work since I’m home and have no classes until August. I have two interviews today and I’m starting for one of the jobs on Monday (remote of course). Hopefully this can keep me occupied and help me turn my attention on more important things in life. I’m just scared that my obsession will overcome my willpower and stop me from being on top of my tasks.
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I see what you mean. You’re absolutely right. It is a bit harder for me to meet people since I come from a very conservative and homophobic community. The only way to meet other gay men like me is through gri*dr. That’s also a huge problem for me because I get so obsessed with it that I have to constantly check it for new users. It’s a vicious cycle.
I grew up in a place like that and leaving was the best thing that I ever did. If you can leave at some point, do. Unfortunately that is the best advice I can give for the situation. Even if you can't leave now, it will give you a goal to work towards and hope for the future.
Even hanging out with my friends doesn’t bring me any joy or happiness at this point. I need a change of scenery but I don’t know where to look. Also since the gyms have been closed, I’ve been less motivated to do any sort of physical activity and have noticed my weight go up. By staying home and being bored, I tend to pick on my appearance and fall into a dark place in my mind.
Sounds like you are clinically depressed and you are right that seeing a psychologist might be helpful. Your regular medical doctor may be of assistance as depression is something they see on a regular basis, so that might be a good place to start since therapists are so expensive. Since you are a student, check to see if your school has counseling services for students at no cost. That is often the case.
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I see what you mean. You’re absolutely right. It is a bit harder for me to meet people since I come from a very conservative and homophobic community. The only way to meet other gay men like me is through gri*dr. That’s also a huge problem for me because I get so obsessed with it that I have to constantly check it for new users. It’s a vicious cycle.
I grew up in a place like that and leaving was the best thing that I ever did. If you can leave at some point, do. Unfortunately that is the best advice I can give for the situation. Even if you can't leave now, it will give you a goal to work towards and hope for the future.
Even hanging out with my friends doesn’t bring me any joy or happiness at this point. I need a change of scenery but I don’t know where to look. Also since the gyms have been closed, I’ve been less motivated to do any sort of physical activity and have noticed my weight go up. By staying home and being bored, I tend to pick on my appearance and fall into a dark place in my mind.
Sounds like you are clinically depressed and you are right that seeing a psychologist might be helpful. Your regular medical doctor may be of assistance as depression is something they see on a regular basis, so that might be a good place to start since therapists are so expensive. Since you are a student, check to see if your school has counseling services for students at no cost. That is often the case.
I am going to try the school counselor. It feels good to be able to talk about this on here. I appreciate your help a lot!
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I am going to try the school counselor. It feels good to be able to talk about this on here. I appreciate your help a lot!
Yeah, it's good to know that you are not the only one who has experienced similar issues. It's also good that you are taking some positive actions right now to improve your situation.
Best therapist I ever had was at school. It was also convenient because he scheduled our appointments around my class schedule and it was right on campus. We focused on some problems I was having as well as some larger issues.
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Most of us have had weird times during the covid-19 quarantine. I have also been very little productive during these months, I have watched more porn than ever during these months, I have jerked off more often than before (even having a boyfriend as I do and living together as we are)… I guess now that the quarantine is over, the point is to try to start doing regular things and similar (as much as the pandemic allows us) things as before... coming back to normal, I would say.
In any case, I think professional help from a psychologist is always going to be very positive after such an unusual situation we all have gone through. I am already talking to a psychologist to put things in order in my life again.
And I recommend it to everyone.
I am so jealous. Living in the USA with Cinnamon Hitler as President means no end to the quarantine ever. Too stupid to live = most US Citizens
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From a personal standpoint, I get what you're feeling. I was fresh out of high school and starting college ten years ago. With that new freedom and a chance to finally explore my sexual desires, sex was at the forefront of my mind. I often found myself willingly skipping class to meet up with guys I found on Craigslist just so I could try out the various types of sex I've seen in porn videos. My grades suffered for it and I actually got academically disqualified for it. I thankfully got my act together and finished college after doing some reflection of what my sexual freedom was doing to my academic and future life.
While I wouldn't change how I acted in those sex-filled college years - because it helped mold my current sexual proclivities to which I am very comfortable with - I was a loose cannon. It sounds like that is the same for you minus the availability to release sexual hormonal urges. Might I be safe to assume you never played around with others before? If so, then that can be contributory to how you're feeling. It's how I felt before my first sexual experience to which I became a college whore for a period of time.
If it's true that you are a true virgin who hasn't had any kind of sexual encounter, my suggestion would be to take up a constructive hobby. What got me through my sexless high school years was taking up creative writing. While it didn't keep me from jerking off 4 times a week; it did keep my mind off of "I want to try fucking/getting fucked" and other such thoughts.
If you had sexual experiences before and are craving it again, my suggestion is the same. I would also add that you should mentally remind yourself that you know what the feeling is and that it isn't a new novel idea to be trying; that it's already been done and you can wait to experience it once more.
As a final note, it also seems like you continually touch yourself to the point of it taking over your life. That it is being triggered by looking at porn/sexy models all day. Once again, my suggestion is to take up a constructive hobby. Also, I would say that you should try dedicating a specific amount of time a week for looking at porn or other such materials. I used to continually look at porn in college; another reason for my grades dropping. It wasn't until I limited myself to four hours a week of porn; it could be a few minutes in a day or all four in one day. After I reach that limit, I'm done for the week no matter how horny I am.
Of course, everything I'm saying does require a specific amount of self-discipline. That's the shining light in your predicament; this is your first time being in such a dilemma and a chance to build up your sexual self-discipline. If it is not working, then I would suggest asking for help from your doctor or a college psychiatrist. Those folks are there for a reason; to medically help you out with problems no matter how personal or sexual it may be.
I do hope that you will feel better once the feelings you're experiencing come to pass. It's not been a great time for any of us; I was lucky enough to have had sex once a month ago during this quarantine with a good trusted friend of mine. It's still not what I'm used to in terms of sexual satisfaction, but I've learned to make due with it thanks to my sexual discipline.
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From a personal standpoint, I get what you're feeling. I was fresh out of high school and starting college ten years ago. With that new freedom and a chance to finally explore my sexual desires, sex was at the forefront of my mind. I often found myself willingly skipping class to meet up with guys I found on Craigslist just so I could try out the various types of sex I've seen in porn videos. My grades suffered for it and I actually got academically disqualified for it. I thankfully got my act together and finished college after doing some reflection of what my sexual freedom was doing to my academic and future life.
While I wouldn't change how I acted in those sex-filled college years - because it helped mold my current sexual proclivities to which I am very comfortable with - I was a loose cannon. It sounds like that is the same for you minus the availability to release sexual hormonal urges. Might I be safe to assume you never played around with others before? If so, then that can be contributory to how you're feeling. It's how I felt before my first sexual experience to which I became a college whore for a period of time.
If it's true that you are a true virgin who hasn't had any kind of sexual encounter, my suggestion would be to take up a constructive hobby. What got me through my sexless high school years was taking up creative writing. While it didn't keep me from jerking off 4 times a week; it did keep my mind off of "I want to try fucking/getting fucked" and other such thoughts.
If you had sexual experiences before and are craving it again, my suggestion is the same. I would also add that you should mentally remind yourself that you know what the feeling is and that it isn't a new novel idea to be trying; that it's already been done and you can wait to experience it once more.
As a final note, it also seems like you continually touch yourself to the point of it taking over your life. That it is being triggered by looking at porn/sexy models all day. Once again, my suggestion is to take up a constructive hobby. Also, I would say that you should try dedicating a specific amount of time a week for looking at porn or other such materials. I used to continually look at porn in college; another reason for my grades dropping. It wasn't until I limited myself to four hours a week of porn; it could be a few minutes in a day or all four in one day. After I reach that limit, I'm done for the week no matter how horny I am.
Of course, everything I'm saying does require a specific amount of self-discipline. That's the shining light in your predicament; this is your first time being in such a dilemma and a chance to build up your sexual self-discipline. If it is not working, then I would suggest asking for help from your doctor or a college psychiatrist. Those folks are there for a reason; to medically help you out with problems no matter how personal or sexual it may be.
I do hope that you will feel better once the feelings you're experiencing come to pass. It's not been a great time for any of us; I was lucky enough to have had sex once a month ago during this quarantine with a good trusted friend of mine. It's still not what I'm used to in terms of sexual satisfaction, but I've learned to make due with it thanks to my sexual discipline.
Thank you for sharing your experience. You are extremely right. I am having these urges all the time. I fear they have returned. I have had a few sexual experiences but none of them really left me extremely satisfied. That’s why I’m also fixated and obsessed with dating apps to try to find a partner that I’m compatible with but it only resulted in damaging my mental health even more so.
I have started working full time a week ago and I have started my online classes this week and I am having an incredibly difficult trying to focus. I am afraid I’m going to do horribly because I am constantly thinking of sexual pleasure.
I have reached out to a college psychologist and will have a first time evaluation with them tomorrow but I’m not sure if I am ever going to be comfortable enough to share this problem with a college counselor. There is an LBTQ center in the area that I live and they have a 10-week waitlist
![😕](https://community.gaytorrent.ru/assets/plugins/nodebb-plugin-emoji/emoji/apple/1f615.png?v=hvqg2qn0nb4 ":\")
Not sure what to do. Hopefully the counselor can give me some pointers. How should I tell her what is going on with me, without going into too much detail?
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Hey buddy
I can feel exactly how you are feeling now because i was also going through a similar peirod earlier. Since i was having plenty of time alone at home,( I lost my job in Dubai because i was not able to return back there due to the lockdown) , I picked up the only thing which stimulated me,which was porno. I was so much horny like as an asian guy, well, its human nature , isnt it ? After I was like jerking off almost 2 times a day, I feel i was like everyday not feeling enegetic, and i gained some weights, like 3 KG, so i decidede to do something which made my mind less horny, that is , i call it physical avidoing.
I was sleeping naked without underwear before , but i started to wear Pajama, which i never wore in my whole life. I do believe, if you see less of yourself naked, you would feel less like touching yourself. Also , i suppose you are not able to go the gym, but you can think about doing something else instead to kill your time. As for me ,I chose to study a new language , Spanish, which was a challenge. When i immensed myself into the process of study, i feel less horny. Because I can have something finally taking my focus away. i make myself busy . If you feel lazy to do so, think about maybe one day you can have a date with the ppl from who speak this language, that will be awesome! Always do something that can make yourself busy.
Meanwhile, trying to chat with someone online, like penpal . or ppl from other countries. The more you do , the more you will feel there are so many things you can do to kill your time, and once you can force yourself doing so, you will probably jerk off less .
Sorry that i m not an native English speaker, but hopefully you get what I mean. Last but not least , a good tip, when you wanna touch yourself or have a boner, go and take a cold shower, that can help! Good Luck -
From a personal standpoint, I get what you're feeling. I was fresh out of high school and starting college ten years ago. With that new freedom and a chance to finally explore my sexual desires, sex was at the forefront of my mind. I often found myself willingly skipping class to meet up with guys I found on Craigslist just so I could try out the various types of sex I've seen in porn videos. My grades suffered for it and I actually got academically disqualified for it. I thankfully got my act together and finished college after doing some reflection of what my sexual freedom was doing to my academic and future life.
While I wouldn't change how I acted in those sex-filled college years - because it helped mold my current sexual proclivities to which I am very comfortable with - I was a loose cannon. It sounds like that is the same for you minus the availability to release sexual hormonal urges. Might I be safe to assume you never played around with others before? If so, then that can be contributory to how you're feeling. It's how I felt before my first sexual experience to which I became a college whore for a period of time.
If it's true that you are a true virgin who hasn't had any kind of sexual encounter, my suggestion would be to take up a constructive hobby. What got me through my sexless high school years was taking up creative writing. While it didn't keep me from jerking off 4 times a week; it did keep my mind off of "I want to try fucking/getting fucked" and other such thoughts.
If you had sexual experiences before and are craving it again, my suggestion is the same. I would also add that you should mentally remind yourself that you know what the feeling is and that it isn't a new novel idea to be trying; that it's already been done and you can wait to experience it once more.
As a final note, it also seems like you continually touch yourself to the point of it taking over your life. That it is being triggered by looking at porn/sexy models all day. Once again, my suggestion is to take up a constructive hobby. Also, I would say that you should try dedicating a specific amount of time a week for looking at porn or other such materials. I used to continually look at porn in college; another reason for my grades dropping. It wasn't until I limited myself to four hours a week of porn; it could be a few minutes in a day or all four in one day. After I reach that limit, I'm done for the week no matter how horny I am.
Of course, everything I'm saying does require a specific amount of self-discipline. That's the shining light in your predicament; this is your first time being in such a dilemma and a chance to build up your sexual self-discipline. If it is not working, then I would suggest asking for help from your doctor or a college psychiatrist. Those folks are there for a reason; to medically help you out with problems no matter how personal or sexual it may be.
I do hope that you will feel better once the feelings you're experiencing come to pass. It's not been a great time for any of us; I was lucky enough to have had sex once a month ago during this quarantine with a good trusted friend of mine. It's still not what I'm used to in terms of sexual satisfaction, but I've learned to make due with it thanks to my sexual discipline.
Thank you for sharing your experience. You are extremely right. I am having these urges all the time. I fear they have returned. I have had a few sexual experiences but none of them really left me extremely satisfied. That’s why I’m also fixated and obsessed with dating apps to try to find a partner that I’m compatible with but it only resulted in damaging my mental health even more so.
I have started working full time a week ago and I have started my online classes this week and I am having an incredibly difficult trying to focus. I am afraid I’m going to do horribly because I am constantly thinking of sexual pleasure.
I have reached out to a college psychologist and will have a first time evaluation with them tomorrow but I’m not sure if I am ever going to be comfortable enough to share this problem with a college counselor. There is an LBTQ center in the area that I live and they have a 10-week waitlist
Not sure what to do. Hopefully the counselor can give me some pointers. How should I tell her what is going on with me, without going into too much detail?
I would just keep it simple. Say that you feel your sexual urges are constantly at the forefront of your mind regardless of what you're doing. That you feel it is overwhelming your want to do more productive and important matters and thus lessening your ability to be productive. At least, that's what it sounds like from what you just told me.
And just as a quick note, I completely understand what you mean about sexual experiences not feeling fulfilling. I'm 28 now; I had what I called my whore years all throughout college. I was fresh out of high school and ready to try what I've seen in gay porn for the whole of my high school life. Though unlike you, I didn't look for help with regards to feeling sexually insatiable almost constantly. I ended up getting academically disqualified from college two years in and had to work hard to be reinstated. The fact you both recognize your issue and are seeking help for it is already a step further than I took it. You're already taking a good step forward.
And as another note, might I suggest talking to guys on those hookup sites instead of outright going "hi, let's fuck." I find that if you establish a bit of conversation first and lay things out on the table, the sex can be a bit more fulfilling. Believe me when I say there's a difference between a quick fuck and fucking around in a way you prefer it to happen. That and just having someone to talk to at least somewhat openly about sexual matters can do wonders.
That's actually how I met my current fuck buddy; it was supposed to be a one-night stand three years ago that ended up actually becoming good friends. Because he understood what I was looking for and was willing to meet me in the middle, I found myself being more sexually satisfied when with him. We're still friends/fuck buddies to this day; it's also ironic he's a ambulance first responder with some specialty in psychological health.
Again, I'm glad you found my experiences helpful. I hope further insight into my sexual life will prove further helpful to bettering your mental and sexual health. Because while I do regret whoring my way through most of college; I wouldn't change it because of the invaluable experiences I earned from it that essentially made me smarter in terms of sexual topics. I hope this experience and bump in your current point will also serve as a learning experience for you.
