Anyone who just never came out to family

simon92

And kept their life pretty much secret/disapeared off the face of the earth from your parents?

cookies74

I don't think I'd ever come out to my family or friends

alveer

me

harry3500

My friend..

alveer

me

spam17

@cookies74:

I don't think I'd ever come out to my family or friends

$:-\$

x112x

I think an ideal reality would be a world where people react with a "meh" when they find out, and you don't feel any particular need to discuss it because it's "normal".

Unfortunately, we don't really live in that world and coming out is a luxury in some places.

I'm still shooting for that ideal. I want to get to a point where people respect and know me to the point where they can react to my coming out with little to no emotional response. That, and no one has any business in my (non-existent) sexual life, unless they want to be a part of it :P.

spam17

@x112x:

I think an ideal reality would be a world where people react with a "meh" when they find out, and you don't feel any particular need to discuss it because it's "normal".

Unfortunately, we don't really live in that world and coming out is a luxury in some places.

I'm still shooting for that ideal. I want to get to a point where people respect and know me to the point where they can react to my coming out with little to no emotional response. That, and no one has any business in my (non-existent) sexual life, unless they want to be a part of it :P.

I particulary enjoyed your last sentence of your response!

x112x

I particulary enjoyed your last sentence of your response!

Thank you, thank you~ I aim to please!

kenjysn1

I only come out to my father at his funeral secretly. I kneel at front of his coffin and tell him my love to my brother alone.

thetmstone

Coming out is not an easy process, it's not like going to a bar or drinking coffee, this is way more complicated. And not just for you (with you I mean whoever is still in the closet and is reading this post) who didn't realize your homosexuality in two seconds but it took probably years to finally accept it, but for your parents as well.

I mean, I'd be somehow surprised if somehow my son/daughter told me he's gay and not because of his/her orientation, but more like because of his/her lifestyle that made me believe that he/she was living a determined life. If you took all this time to realize your gayness, I believe this same time should be applied to your loved ones as well, this is why I respect those who are still in the closet and are afraid. In an ideal world, coming out shouldn't even be a thing, it should just be normal, it's not like straight people need to "come out".

For the record, I kinda came out but it's still a lil bit complicated so whatever

nixosgl

ehy look another italian… i presume you are bisexual... (since you talked about son/daughter)

i am italian too, i said it to noone except my mother, not sure if she told anyone else...
i told her, cause she asked how i could be rejected by the (ex) mandatory military service
(it was in effect for only 2 years, the 1 year younger generation after mine was the last one to go to mandatory military service)

i just didn't want to lie and to tell her i faked to be gay to be rejected at the examination...

the first year i went to the examination place, i showed a state psycologist paper about me who costed 25 euro as ticket, since we used to have free healthcare; now we get a reduced pay healthcare... so we still need to pay something...

i had to return the follow up year, i showed again the paper and had a talk with one of their psycologists... and then i was rejected.

about family... i guess i could have told them... but i am a bit too much self destructive and self isolationist to take that path...
so i just cut contact with all of my relatives... i know it is a bit foolish as you can potentially loose a safety net...
but those years i didn't simply care... i wanted to have sex, alot of sex, like my lucky hetero schoolmates that could start at 14yo...

i started at 18yo... at the beginning i was wary of taking hiv, then i simply didn't care anymore... i guess now that i am no longer interested in doing sex with another person i feel lucky i caught only 5 std, that also could be healed. 5 std during about 12 years i was sexually active.

i only visit 1 relative twice each year, my only living parent... my mother... and only cause i have to, if i do not do it... noone does...
i usually fix what is broken in the house, and do taxes, payments for the apartment

if i have to stay there it is like hell... well not like when i was 18-22, i felt an aura of dread and depression just moving close to the door of the apartment... i remember 1 day i couldn't move my hand on the handle... it frozen without my conscious part comanding it, it was the istinctual part i do not control... i could not enter my mother's home, and i just stood quietly there just outside for 5 minutes doing nothing till i could regain control.

now i am 33yo and it is just a bore i have a free wifi internet not always working there, a single size bed also uncomfortable, i can't stay naked as i usually do at my home, and there is nothing there for me anyway.

maybe now is a bit different from 15-20 years ago, i remember all males in my class were pro nazi... while the female teacher did all she could to explain that what they did was bad... those young males simply saw a male winning over another male as "cool"... (talking about 13yo)
in the 14-18 years there was a group of males who had a worship for fascism and carried the coin of mussolini at school, and they boasted to have the hitler's book at home... there was a single male good guy other than myself who was on his own... and a group of right winger leaning boys who cared only about driving a motorbike and getting drunk...
in the end i spent those year in self isolation talking from time to time only with the other good guy.

is a bit strange now that there isn't so much homophobia in italy as it used to be... clearly we are still the only western european eu contry without civil marriage and adoption for same sex couple... of course there is still greece which is part of the western block even if it is a bit too much to the east.

in the past years there were episodes of homophobia... with rent negated to gays, or gays even robbed and beaten up and killed... not sure
if media never reported in italy or is a new thing... but now there are also episodes of discrimination directed toward people of color... even if they are italian citizen, even if they are adopted and their adoptive parents are white...

and some italians also whine about the fact that during this crisis foreigners do not visit that much...

i used to openly kiss someone in the street when i was 18yo, simply cause i had passion and i didn't care about anything else...
now i am just not interested anymore in the relationship, kissing in public, walking hand in hand...
during these years i read on the country newspaper some gay couple got assaulted, some even died... after exiting some gay club at night
just cause they were walking holding hands, or people saw them exiting from a gay disco/bar/club, or they kissed on the walkway...

thetmstone

@nixosgl:

ehy look another italian… i presume you are bisexual... (since you talked about son/daughter)

My previous post was just an attempt to show that if the coming out process takes some time for an individual to be prepared then you should also expect said parents to need some time to "accept" your sexuality too. Of course we're all different so there's no go-to answer for this kind of thing, just wanted to point out my opinion on the matter

P.S: I ain't bisexual, I'm pretty gay