When does being a virgin start to be a problem/turn off?
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Have you ever been in a situation where your partner tells you that he's a virgin, despite being past his teenage years ( let's say after 20 yo)?
Is it a turn off or does it freak you out?
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This is something I actually know a little about. I'm a very late bloomer myself; I lost my virginity at age 29, and I'm 33 now. The main answer to your question, based on my experience, is that nobody I've explained my situation of inexperience to has ever shunned me over it.
The first thing you need to understand is your own personal concept of where the line is. You know; that one you need to cross to have truly "had sex" for the first time. It's different for different people, even among straight couples. I might have been 29 when I decided I had finally had sex, but I also did have rare moments in years before that, as young as 18, where I had fleeting sexual play that I didn't count as the true moment (such as 30 seconds of blowjob with no cumming). To me, it was necessary to have penetrative sex to orgasm for me to feel like I'd gotten there.
I lost my virginity in part because I had this growing sense of dread that it would be a stigma over my head, bigger with each passing year, that I would eventually not be able to overcome. It wasn't made much easier by the fact that fantasy-wise, I really was turned on by the idea of topping more than bottoming, and I had this idea that any true bottom would expect a confident, viral, stallion of a top who very much knew what he was doing. I really, really, wanted to date and have sex and eventually find a partner … but I had issues going on that kept me from trying for years, not the least of which was my diminishing confidence in my ability to live up to my imagined standards that potential partners would have.
I later learned that almost no guy, if he finds you attractive to begin with, will balk at the chance of giving you an education (so long as it leads to him cumming ;D ). Many even find it fun. We're men, horny beasts, and we're not going to turn down sex with someone we find hot over them not having the "proper training." That was my silly idea.But, at first, I was afraid that I had waited so long, which made the problem worse as that fear delayed the moment even more. When I finally lost my virginity, it was to someone I met through craigslist that I did not find attractive at all (no pictures were exchanged; I was naive and anxious to get it over with), and I didn't enjoy the experience very much. I had to close my eyes and go to a mental place inside in order to finish, and afterwards I felt disappointed and a little sad.
… it sounds like a depressing way to do it, and it was. Since then, though, I've gone on to enjoy sex with a few partners. At first, each encounter came far between (I admit I did the hookup thing for a while as I learned ... it was quick. low-stakes, and easy). I was honest with each one about my newbie status, and I learned a lot from them all. Now, finally, after that phase of long stretches of not even trying for months, followed by a random hookup ... I finally have an active and fairly consistent sex life with two regular buddies.
Some advice:
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DON'T HYPE IT UP TOO MUCH. You'll only frighten yourself from taking the plunge, and also set yourself up for disappointment when you finally do and it fails to live up. It's not that big of a deal. The first time sucks for a lot of people. Sex is something that gets better the more you practice it. YES -- it's something you learn, and few people are going to refuse to help you practice. Fucking is fun.
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It's all about who you're with. You have to feel comfortable and not tensed up around them, and there has to be some kind of attraction. It can't be forced; you won't enjoy it if you try.
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It's okay to communicate verbally about what you're enjoying and not enjoying. It's also alright, if you're enjoying each other so far, to ask your partner to help you try something for the first time (I bottomed for the first time this way, which I now enjoy enough to be truly versatile). The worst you can get by asking is a "no thank you, let's keep doing this instead."
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If you're worried that nobody out there is going to find you attractive -- trust me, SOMEONE DOES. Everybody is somebody's type.
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Don't be afraid of this. I had the same fears, and I think most late bloomers do. Don't worry to the point of never doing it. It may take a while for you to find a person who expresses a mutual attraction with you, but it's worth looking for a while. Make use of personals sites (if you want to get to know someone first) or apps (if you just want something non-commital to officially get into the game; few of us can judge you without being hypocrites ;)) and get to talking to people. Eventually, you will find someone who wants to get into that bed with you. It's okay to tell them in advance that they're the first.
It's NOT going to freeze the event in its tracks. I promise!
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I believe the virgin shuns himself much more then he thinks other people do. I lost my virginity pretty late too (I was 23). From what I know, not just about my case, but regarding many other guys too, loosing virginity late is not uncommon amongst gay people. We deal with a lot of difficulties during our adolescences… the process of accepting and embracing our sexualities... the process of coming out... it is not weird that all these factors delay the starting point of our sexual lives.
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When I told that I'm a virgin to a man that obviously took me for the first time, He wasn't even care about it and even he was more eager exploring me until I couldn't breath anymore. He did broke me that night. So, I guess, hearing a "virgin" was a major turn on for him.
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You said "partner" and I love that idea with a partner. I don't mind and think it's actually sweet. I wish I had waited to have my first time with a partner rather than a random hookup.
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Actually it's big turn on for me
