Should I say I have feelings for a straight friend?
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I got a great friend here, in another country where I came to study.
He is a great and extremely nice friend. But he likes girls and he said he want to get married then have many babies (That why I know he is a straight). But he is really nice, please to me. Everytime we go to somewhere for a cup of coffee, watching movies, having dinner or lunch, we just go with ourselves, even we share the same cake, a drink, …I like my friend a lots, even, I could love him (but I think just from my side).
Should I tell him that I have feelings for him?
Do you think that if I tell him, I could lost him in a mean that we/he will never feel comfortable when we go somewhere together?
Do I still hope?Sometimes, just want to share my thoughts about someone, that makes me feel relieved!
Thanks for reading! Looking forward to some advices! -
Of course not! Why would you do that?! He is straight… he is not interested in men! Move on, seriously... Falling for a str8 guy is just pointless. I'd just stay quiet and slowly kill my feelings for him.
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Don't spoil what you've got! Are you sure it's not just a crush?
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This is a question only you can answer. How strong is your friendship?
If you think that your friendship is strong, tell him. If he feels the same way, imagine how happy you would be. If he does not feel the same way, trust that your friendship is strong enough to survive this revelation.
All the best!
Here's an appropriate quote:
“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” - Louise Erdrich. -
LIFE IS SIMPLE…DON'T MAKE IT COMPLICATED
as long as you know where you stand to him and embraced and accept that truth then you'll be fine
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It's a tricky situation. There's always a possibility it will mess up your friendship. You have to factor this in, and be prepared to lose him as a friend if you decide to tell him.
Now, I will say that sometimes admitting your feelings out loud can help you get over them faster. There's also a possibility being honest with him will bring you closer as friends, especially if he has already picked up on your feelings for him. Those are the only two possible benefits I see from telling him, assuming he's actually straight.
In the end, it's up to you to weigh the possible benefits against the possible costs and decide what's best for you. Most of the time, I'd say it's probably best not to say anything and to just wait until the crush passes and stay friends.
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The painful truth is unrequited love is emotionally draining. Either tell him or accept the "vibe" your getting from him that he is straight.
I on the other hand got my friend to come over, smoked a little 420, Drank a little patron then I turn on gay porn (softcore) and left the room. When I came back he had a boner and my question was answered. We've been together for 7 years now. P.S Like any couple he gets on my nerves now LOL but my love hasn't changed. And its one of our favorite stories to laugh about together.
So its up to you. Will you settle for a one side love or will your prepare yourself for something less then what you have. (friendship) That's the risk of Unrequited Love…
I wish you all the best.
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I've been in this situation before. The best thing to do is end the friendship.
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Hi,
Thank all of you for replies! They made me feel relived! I am so much appreciated for all of them! I have a feeling that I were shared and I had someone understanding my situation. Your comments help me a lots!
I know what should I do now! I will have to keep silence. I will try to think less about him, and try to forget something about him too. One day, when my study will finish, I could tell him then I will go!
I saw another topic, more or less the same! The guy in that topic made a choice that he told his best friend about what he thought about his best friend. He got luck, they are remained their friendship. Because he did tell his friend, and there is no hope for his love, so he did focus on something/someone else!
Thank you so much again!
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If he's a really good friend of you, you can tell it to him. If he knows you're gay, he would be able to handle the situation.
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This is a tough one my friend. I have had this turn out 3 different way with 3 different str8 dudes in my life.
1. I told one of them an he just went balls out ballistic. I grew up and became an adult in the early 80s during the time that HIV/AIDS first came around. He accused me of trying to sleep with him just because I wanted to give him AIDS. Absolute nightmare. I could never forgive him for it.
2. I had this dude tell me that if we were going to remain friends we would deal. However, if we were going to bring it up everyday then he said that he would rather end the friendship. There was never an issue before and he didn't want it now either.
3. I told him and it shocked him at first but hugged me and said that nothing would change the way he felt about me and it didn't. In fact we dated in high school and I was the one that who ended it because he really was Str8 and I knew that I risked ruin his life if he went forward with me. He was born str8.
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First of all, in the great words of Selena Gomez, the heart wants what it wants.
And that's alright. You want who you want, regardless of whether you are able to get it or not.
Now -dealing- with it … is another thing.
@newbieff:Should I tell him that I have feelings for him?
Do you think that if I tell him, I could lost him in a mean that we/he will never feel comfortable when we go somewhere together?It depends. What does he think about homosexuality? Gay rights, gay people, gay activity….
Depending on how positive/negative and how aggressive he is about his belief, the answer will be different.
If he's the type who hates gay people and actively shows it, RUN AWAY. The fantasy of converting your bully and converting a homophobe rarely RARELY happens.
If he's the kind who is more indifferent about them, I suppose coming out to him might not be bad--BUT!
And do remember that not only are you coming out to him, but you're also revealing your feelings to him.
Your relationship, your closeness, his behavior and yours-- it will all come into question.Depending on what sort of character he has, he might feel cheated about it ("So you're getting close to me for my dick, huh? HUH?")
So yeah.
Do I still hope?
My suggestion is no.
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Also, my experience..
…well, guy is quite open about these sort of things, so it was okay (a bit of awkwardness around, but we got by)
atm the friendship's over but that's a separate matter. Guy turns out to be quite a bit of a jerk, I turns out to be quite immature and insecure, and yeah.
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Thank you guys so much for replying! These comments mean a lot to me!
3. I told him and it shocked him at first but hugged me and said that nothing would change the way he felt about me and it didn't. In fact we dated in high school and I was the one that who ended it because he really was Str8 and I knew that I risked ruin his life if he went forward with me. He was born str8.
I can imagine how hurt I am! I do think he was born str8 because he now likes a girl. Even every time we meet, he keep sending her messages and even, we went to a store to buy a gift for her.
I saw how happy he was! That made me think that if I really love him, I will need to make sure he is happy! I would select the option that I should go away and should not disturb his life. I will always keep in mind that we are just friends.
I am doing a Master degree now then I might do a PhD. Honestly, I really wish that I would be a straight so I could love a girl. I knew some girls loved me, but I ran away. I am willing to exchange many things for being str8!
And do remember that not only are you coming out to him, but you're also revealing your feelings to him.
Your relationship, your closeness, his behavior and yours– it will all come into question.
Depending on what sort of character he has, he might feel cheated about it ("So you're getting close to me for my dick, huh? HUH?")
So yeah.Thanks for this! It is now hopeless for me! Yes, no more hope!
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I know what I have to do, but I am feeling so so sad!
I am so lonely, empty, hopeless and so painful right now!
What should I do? -
personally i wouldnt say anything since nothing good could come from it and it could possibly make things weird for him.
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Can't say as that would do ANYTHING positive for the relationship… Just accept "unrequited love" and accept this side of gay life... :blownose:
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no.. dont spoilt your friendship.
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Can't say as that would do ANYTHING positive for the relationship… Just accept "unrequited love" and accept this side of gay life... :blownose:
AGREE
