I have waited 7 years for this, but I can still screw up

[tuwtuwtuw]

Hello GTRU!

This is my first post in the forum and I'm really hoping you guys are going to give me some advice. It's not entirely "closet" related and it's a rather long story, but I'm sure some of you out there will hear me out.

I'm an 18-year-old male and I live in Bulgaria, a rather terrible country to be homosexual. I started to realize I was gay about 7 years ago and it took me about 2 years to further define my tastes and preferences - gay bears. And the bears are the worst part. Coming out to your friends is one thing, explaining you like overweight hairy men is another. It was really difficult for me at first, but I'm still glad I have close friends who support me at all times. I even tried to come out to my dad once, but it was a total failure - he thought I was joking and did not take me seriously at all. At the time it felt terrible.

Since I live in in a country that does just about everything anti-gay, there is a 0% chance for me to have a relationship, let alone have one with a bear. The bear community in here is literally nonexistent. So what did I do? I manned up, studied hard, and made a portfolio good enough to be accepted in a UK university. Why UK? Because English is the only foreign language I know and I'm actually seeking a serious relationship, not just a one-timer with a random guy from any country.

But there are tons of opportunities for things to go wrong. My parents might not have enough cash to cover my education abroad, I might not be accepted regardless of my grades and portfolio… Anything can go wrong. Imagine - I go get accepted into a university, go to the UK, yet ultimately have a hard time being accepted into the gay bear community.

So as a whole, if my whole "study abroad" thing doesn't work out I might just be a virgin for the rest of my life. I kind of feel like this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I've been preparing for all my life, yet a tons of things can go wrong.

Any fellow bears out there? Any advice? Have any of you felt similar feelings?  :-[

[bear1515]

Well, I understand your situation Oo. It's kind of a big answer, but I would be glad if you could read it, hehe.

I'm Brazilian, 22 years old. I could be considered a twink, although I am not that slim anymore, but way far from being considered chubby.

I realized that I was gay when I was 11-12, but we hear so much bad things about gay men, so much prejudice, that it kind of sticks on our mind so I didn't want to accept it. With time I started to pay attention to some characteristics that I liked more on men, and with 15 I saw the term Bear, it was when I finally found myself, that I could really understand what I liked. But since I was a teenager and didn't have any contact with this kind of men, I still couldn't accept myself. When I was 17 - 18 I went to the USA stayed there for a while, well there it's obvious that I saw a lot of Bears, so I started to understand more about it, but still didn't had any change to be with someone. When I came back, a few months later I became friends with a guy, same age as me, and bearish type XD. After a while I realized that I liked him, and I think it was just on that moment that I finally accepted myself Oo.

Because I took so long to accept myself, I still am afraid of coming out, never told anyone I know about it, and the fact that I am not effeminate, helps hiding it. And like you said, it's hard to explain that you are attracted to hairy overweight guys, also my body is not what i consider attractive, and it doesn`t help with my self-stem Oo. And since I never told anyone about it, I don't have to say that this friend of mine don't know that I like him, so makes it even harder.

Well, in Brazil unfortunately there is still a lot of prejudice in here. The Bear community exists, its not that small, but many people here complain about it, it's not like in the USA, or some other countries. Also here there is a lot of violence, and some other problems, and because of all that, I want to go out of the country, next year I am going to Canada. To make it harder, the friend I like is going with me, he's going to be my roommate Oo, and I am really afraid of telling him that I like him, I still don't know if he's straight or not  ….

So I understand what you feel about going to another country, about liking bears, etc..

Now, finally answering you question, hehe, you should do your best to accomplish what you want, about the money and you being accepted in the university, there is not much I can say. About the community, well the bear community is known by being receptive.

But you need to remember that this isn't your only chance to go to another country, there is nothing that stop you from going to another country, from trying other stuff. About the money, you could try to find a work, and try to raise some money to keep you there if your parents can't. Don't know how it works for Bulgarians on another countries Oo, but there are countries where the bear community is bigger and you can work and study, so it pretty much would solve your problem if you can't stay on the UK. Well, like I said try your best to accomplish what you want, but you need to know that there are plenty alternatives, you just need to want it.

Well, I hope my answer help you somehow. And if you don't mind, I would like to make a question. How can I get the courage to come out? I've been trying for a while, I want it, but I can't.

[hean]

going aboard can change your life… definitely
if u are worry about the money, try to push up ur grades to secure scholarships (or a study loan)
u can work up to 20 hours per week in UK too

there will be someone like u in ur hometown... I strongly believe that
u just need some time to locate them... and they can be quite a good mental support.

[tuwtuwtuw]

WOW! Thanks for the replies guys! It really means a lot!  ;D

@bear1515 - I'm not sure what advice I can give you on coming out. As you read in my post, I tried to come out to my dad once and he didn't even believe me. Ever since then I've done nothing. I suppose if I were you I'd take into consideration just how much my parents are open to this kind of stuff. If the general opinion in your country is that being gay is bad, then it wouldn't be surprising if your parents stay the same way. If they're pretty open, however, and have supported you all the way through your ups and downs in life, tell them. Make sure it's serious and organized. Make them both sit down on the couch, turn off any distractions and sit in front of them and say what you have to say!
And remember - even if they don't accept you, don't let that pull you down! Stay with people who love you the most and with whom you feel the best!!!

And another thing - tell your friend that you like him as soon as possible. If he is a close friend of yours he will support you and be with you even if he is straight. Even if he eventually decides to change his mind and wishes to no longer be your friend because of your sexual orientation LET IT BE! Your true friends are the ones around whom you can be 100% yourself.

@hean - Thanks hean! I'm hoping for just that. I am actually rather confident in my abilities (photography, image editing, cinematography, videos and video production) and I really hope I will be able to find a part time job to help out with paying this and that. ^_^