Gay Cousin
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Okay, so I have a cousin who is definitely gay, and I see him not really struggling with it as much as trying to figure things out. His mother and the rest of the family know and keeps looking to me to kinda walk him through everything. I just don't think i'm comfortable talking to a teenager about gay stuff. Am I just being dumb and should take him under my wing, or should I just step back and keep my eye on him??
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Does he knows that you are gay? I think you should just make him know that you are gay, and if he wants, he talks to you.
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Does he knows that you are gay? I think you should just make him know that you are gay, and if he wants, he talks to you.
Seconded. If he wants to open up to you, he will. Teenagers are…well, to be frank, idiots. I'm not trying to be an arse here, but every teenager ever born gets told and disregards the same basic advice (remember as a teenager being told that someday you'd miss the lack of responsibility, or that the social drama in your life would, in retrospect, be pretty minor? Probably true. Did you believe it at the time? Hell no.) and that's with things that aren't a Big Deal to them. It's not teenagers fault, it's just the end-result of your brain being continuously hormone-blasted for a 6 year period of your life. If the kid is gay, he's probably built it up in his head into something absolutely massive based on a thousand worst-case 'what-if' scenarios; an adult confronting him about it is not going to go well. I'm guessing his parents wouldn't mind him being gay, given that they know you're gay and seem to want you to help their son, so might I suggest you explain to them why it isn't a good idea for you to bring it up but that you've made it clear to their son that anything he might want to talk to you about is alright? It will probably put his parents' minds at ease to know their son has someone to talk to, it takes the onus to act off of you, you look like a good guy to both parties, and it might spare you the awkwardness of discussing that sort of thing with a teenager. (I can't blame you for not being 100% comfortable, but bravo for being at least willing to consider it.)
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Thank you guys for your input. Yes, my cousin knows i'm gay, and tries to spend as much time as he can with me. My entire family is pretty open minded and are very accepting of the lifestyle. I think I will take your advice and just put the cards on the table and let him come to me whenever he wants. Just need to come up with some boundaries. Don't want to scare the kid. LOL!!
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It is not much different than talking about sex to a straight teenager! Be sure to let him understand that he can open up to you and maybe try to start a conversation a couple of times. He will come around eventually and ask you all the critical questions!! I wish I had such a close mentor…
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hmmm
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its so cool that you have a family that is accepting you both
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hmm..I think you should just make him know that you are gay, and if he wants, he talks to you. ::)
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gay cousins can be very pedagogic lol.
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I know this thread is kinda old but someone else refreshed it and that's why I noticed it. I thought I would add a reply because when I was 14 I was in the same kind of situation but I was the teenager in question!
Basically my dad (who I've only ever met about 7 times in my life) forced my outing as he discovered my browsing history and told my mum who in turn told all my siblings and friends… I was mortified and very scared, I lost my best friend because of this (turns out she hated gays so probably for the best! :D). I actually ran away from home for several weeks but that's another story!
Anyway when I finally came back home, one day I was in my room and my older cousin walks in, apparently my mum wanted him to have a chat with me about being gay. It was one of the most awkward moments of my life. He basically said "yeah so hi, I'm your cousin and I'm gay and your mum wanted me to talk to you. I don't really know what to say so I'm just going to stand here for 10 minutes then leave. Do you have any questions?".. I replied something like "Nope". We ended up just chatting about the usual small stuff people do then he left.
As a kid I must have been thinking something like "what the fuck was my mum thinking" "that was so embarrassing" "like they haven't already told enough people"... "When I'm ready I will talk about it myself".
So I guess it did feel like invasion of privacy. It's quite hard to think back and try to remember how you felt as a teenager in such scenarios.
Here's an extra little story some might find amusing. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother. 1 of my sisters lived away from home and it turned out everyone forgot to tell her I was gay/came out. One day she phones me up to see how I am and I was like "I'm fine, I went out clubbing last night, slept with this guy I met bla bla.. other gay club talk". She says "Wait.. what? You're GAY?!". I said "I thought you knew, I thought everyone knew, didn't they tell you?" She said "No, no one's told me anything". At this point I was stammering and stressing and really worried... she could tell and quickly replied "Don't worry I don't mind, I've known you was gay ever since you was about 3 years old". lol phew :hug:
I'd be interested to know how it went for you and your cousin. Hopefully he'll have a better experience than I did!
