Is coming out necessary at all? what is coming out actually?
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i have been wondering what is comin out … is it telling family and frends that you are gay .?
i have never told any of my family or straight friends that i'm gay..... but i have been dating guyz for 5 yrs now, and had been in 2 relationships ... and that works for me, my best frend also duxnt knw im gay ... i have managed somehow to live a happy. -
Well, most people treat coming out, as sitting with one person and telling that person you are gay.
But you can consider it as not lying to other people about being straight. Basically, if someone asks if you are gay, you say yes.
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Why live the hetero lie?
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I think its important for everyone that feels its a (heavy) (burden) (lies). So, there is a (huge) urge to release it, to ease the (pain) and live (free). When they finally say the words (I'm gay…), its called coming out.
I believe its a very personal condition and there is no force to do that if you just happy and don't feel it as a right step to do.
Personally, I've came out to 4 my best friends and its so much better for everything ever since.
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i have been wondering what is comin out … is it telling family and frends that you are gay .?
i have never told any of my family or straight friends that i'm gay..... but i have been dating guyz for 5 yrs now, and had been in 2 relationships ... and that works for me, my best frend also duxnt knw im gay ... i have managed somehow to live a happy.You'll have to tell eventually. I've been through this burden for nearly 15 years and one day I decided to open up, so to speak. It's really difficult and sometimes even painfully to be in the company of your friends and see a handsome guy whom you wanna kiss and tell how you feel about him but can't because you have to keep it a secret who or what you really are. Besides, by telling them the truth you'll find out which ones are your real friends and that will be those who accept that fact. Those who become aggressive - they're not your true friends.
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Whoever gave me the thumbs down in my last post must be deeply in the closet.
I can't see anyone who's out being offended by me referring to gay people living the "hetero lie".
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You come in terms with your own self. You realise your subconsious desires. All you need is a stimuli that will make you realise what you want.
At least, this is what happened to me when i went to complete my military service and met…. him!
As if is essential? Well, i believe that the timing is essential. If your coming out is before your first sexual experience is the best.
That way you can avoid being hurt or hurt your sexual partener! -
At this risk of revealing too much personal information, here's part of my life story:
I've known I felt urges towards other boys for pretty much all my life. I remember having a huge crush on a boy at age 6 in grade one. I somehow also knew for all my life that other people didn't always accept that I liked boys, so I sought to control who knew and/or who found out. I didn't tell anyone myself prior to meeting my first love interest. And what I told him was: I'm curious to explore these feelings, but I don't want anyone else to know.
I think it hurt him deeply, over our four year relationship, that I didn't want anyone to know how we felt about each other. My not being out to my parents while still living at home, denied him full inclusion into my family at special occasions (such as family dinners for birthday parties and special days like Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas.) He was there, yes, but the reason for him being there was never disclosed, and I always had another person there, a woman, to cover. (She was actually older, closer in age to my mother, and I suspect my mom may have thought, for a time, I was a cougar chaser :blink: ) In the end, my not being out ended our relationship… or was a major stress factor that heavily contributed to the breakup.
Shortly after we broke up, I came out to my mom. On "National Coming Out Day" no less.
It took me quite a while to spit out the words to my mom... and in the process she was kinda worried about what I was trying to say. When I finally got it out... she said: Is that all?? I was worried you'd killed someone or something! (I think she was joking... but her point was unmistakable: I was still her son and she was going to accept me as I was.)Since that time, I have still tired to control who knows. Maybe I am a control freak, or maybe I don't want people gossiping about me... to this day I still don't know why I care who knows?!? I do know I was fired from a job, more or less because of it, although of course they didn't say that when they said "Nick, it's just not working out..." after 3 years of nothing but great feedback but shortly after they found out about my sexuality. There are still many days when I think I am treated differently because of it... but the truth is even if I didn't tell them, they'd probably still suspect and treat me differently if that was their inclination. The older you get, the harder it gets for others to not see something different about you. (Than the supposed 90% of society that is not GBLTQ.)
So the long and the sort of it... for me is this. You HAVE to come out to yourself. Say the words "I'm gay" (or bi or whatever) to yourself in private... learn to accept yourself. When you're comfortable with that... decide if you want to tell anyone else... but if you do, be prepared to help them realize why you want them to know... so they can accept you as you have accepted yourself.
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At this risk of revealing too much personal information, here's part of my life story:
I've known I felt urges towards other boys for pretty much all my life. I remember having a huge crush on a boy at age 6 in grade one. I somehow also knew for all my life that other people didn't always accept that I liked boys, so I sought to control who knew and/or who found out. I didn't tell anyone myself prior to meeting my first love interest. And what I told him was: I'm curious to explore these feelings, but I don't want anyone else to know.
I think it hurt him deeply, over our four year relationship, that I didn't want anyone to know how we felt about each other. My not being out to my parents while still living at home, denied him full inclusion into my family at special occasions (such as family dinners for birthday parties and special days like Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas.) He was there, yes, but the reason for him being there was never disclosed, and I always had another person there, a woman, to cover. (She was actually older, closer in age to my mother, and I suspect my mom may have thought, for a time, I was a cougar chaser :blink: ) In the end, my not being out ended our relationship… or was a major stress factor that heavily contributed to the breakup.
Shortly after we broke up, I came out to my mom. On "National Coming Out Day" no less.
It took me quite a while to spit out the words to my mom... and in the process she was kinda worried about what I was trying to say. When I finally got it out... she said: Is that all?? I was worried you'd killed someone or something! (I think she was joking... but her point was unmistakable: I was still her son and she was going to accept me as I was.)Since that time, I have still tired to control who knows. Maybe I am a control freak, or maybe I don't want people gossiping about me... to this day I still don't know why I care who knows?!? I do know I was fired from a job, more or less because of it, although of course they didn't say that when they said "Nick, it's just not working out..." after 3 years of nothing but great feedback but shortly after they found out about my sexuality. There are still many days when I think I am treated differently because of it... but the truth is even if I didn't tell them, they'd probably still suspect and treat me differently if that was their inclination. The older you get, the harder it gets for others to not see something different about you. (Than the supposed 90% of society that is not GBLTQ.)
So the long and the sort of it... for me is this. You HAVE to come out to yourself. Say the words "I'm gay" (or bi or whatever) to yourself in private... learn to accept yourself. When you're comfortable with that... decide if you want to tell anyone else... but if you do, be prepared to help them realize why you want them to know... so they can accept you as you have accepted yourself.
:true:
:hapgay: -
coming out is a personal experience and decision. me PERSONALLY, decided to come out and it's been AWESOME. however, I believe that if u don't want to come out to certain people, u shouldn't have to. it's really no ones business until u decide to let them know. some people are just private people, and that's ok.
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At this risk of revealing too much personal information, here's part of my life story:
I've known I felt urges towards other boys for pretty much all my life. I remember having a huge crush on a boy at age 6 in grade one. I somehow also knew for all my life that other people didn't always accept that I liked boys, so I sought to control who knew and/or who found out. I didn't tell anyone myself prior to meeting my first love interest. And what I told him was: I'm curious to explore these feelings, but I don't want anyone else to know.
I think it hurt him deeply, over our four year relationship, that I didn't want anyone to know how we felt about each other. My not being out to my parents while still living at home, denied him full inclusion into my family at special occasions (such as family dinners for birthday parties and special days like Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas.) He was there, yes, but the reason for him being there was never disclosed, and I always had another person there, a woman, to cover. (She was actually older, closer in age to my mother, and I suspect my mom may have thought, for a time, I was a cougar chaser :blink: ) In the end, my not being out ended our relationship… or was a major stress factor that heavily contributed to the breakup.
Shortly after we broke up, I came out to my mom. On "National Coming Out Day" no less.
It took me quite a while to spit out the words to my mom... and in the process she was kinda worried about what I was trying to say. When I finally got it out... she said: Is that all?? I was worried you'd killed someone or something! (I think she was joking... but her point was unmistakable: I was still her son and she was going to accept me as I was.)Since that time, I have still tired to control who knows. Maybe I am a control freak, or maybe I don't want people gossiping about me... to this day I still don't know why I care who knows?!? I do know I was fired from a job, more or less because of it, although of course they didn't say that when they said "Nick, it's just not working out..." after 3 years of nothing but great feedback but shortly after they found out about my sexuality. There are still many days when I think I am treated differently because of it... but the truth is even if I didn't tell them, they'd probably still suspect and treat me differently if that was their inclination. The older you get, the harder it gets for others to not see something different about you. (Than the supposed 90% of society that is not GBLTQ.)
So the long and the sort of it... for me is this. You HAVE to come out to yourself. Say the words "I'm gay" (or bi or whatever) to yourself in private... learn to accept yourself. When you're comfortable with that... decide if you want to tell anyone else... but if you do, be prepared to help them realize why you want them to know... so they can accept you as you have accepted yourself.
I really adore what NickGWM mentioned here and fully agree to it… and for this words, I really would like to hold him in my arms for a moment ( nonono... there is no sexual meaning to that ^^ ) :hug:
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it's always nice when people genuinely care
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Coming out is not a requirement if your happy and satisfied then be happy if you long to tell youlr friend about that horrible date because has a wife or whatever then you feel a need to come out. However if there is no burden you don't much care about lieing etc then there is no reason to come out. To live the Hetero lie is a safe bet maybe not the happiest but definitely the safest. Coming out matters n how it affects your life and relationships with other people. It tends to be best to be prepared for rejection but DON'T EXPECT IT. You'd be surprised what a life long friend or a parent will react even if it conflicts with their base assumptions and beliefs. If you feel any kind of shame attached to being gay ten you need to come out to someone those feelings need to be worked through be it a friend a parent a sibling a councilor whatever shame builds up over time and can harm your ability to be happy without you even realizing it.
Personally I would never advocate for admitting to being gay in an employment situation nor at a friends social situation. It's not so much do I care if i offend someone its am I prepared to lose my job am I prepared for the redneck down the street to key my car etc. If your prepared for the possible consequences then its a no brainer if your not well just be aware things can happen. -
Why live the hetero lie?
There are plenty of situation in which it is necessary or more comfortable from being the child of a hardcore conservative catholic to living in a town or country where it is illegal or so taboo that violence could result. Living the Hetero lie is not always because you feel shame or your in the closet it might simply be a logical decision.
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Why live the hetero lie?
There's a difference between not coming out and living a lie.
imagine: you date guys, you introduce your boyfriends to your friends and family - but you never sit anyone down and reveal "the big secret"
want to know what happens? absolutely nothing. Nobody gives a damn that you're gay because you don't give a damn. it's 2015 and it's completely normal.being gay isn't unusual and it doesn't make you special, so we should stop treating it so, then everyone else will follow suit. You don't have to "come out" to be open and proud of who you are, it's really not that big of deal.
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Coming out isn't really about your sexuality, it's about you reaching a state inside of you, you do not care about who tries to put you down you advance forward with found serenity and respect, you build a path you want and not the one people think is best for you.
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As others have said coming out is more about you than anybody else. It is about accepting yourself and being proud of who you are.
Some people find that they need to tell others about themselves and whom they sleep with or are attractive to. Other find that it is nobodies business but their own.
Really does any other group of people stand up and say who they are attracted to and whom they wish to sleep with.
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It is not what it used to be, but I think coming out can reinforce how you are feeling emotionally and how you come into contact with others. It is an individual thing, so don't feel pressured.
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Also and this must be said, it's individual but also group and community related, if you come out you increase visibility to all and you might help someone else.
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To me, besides the visibility for everyone, the bottom line is, if i was your best friend, and i found out you'd been dating guys for 5 years, especially if i found out from someone else, and you hadn't told me… i would be really pissed off, and really hurt. it would cause major damage to the friendship. cuz id feel betrayed and that i couldnt trust you anymore. not cuz you're gay, but cuz you kept a major part of your life secret from the guy that's supposed to be your best friend. so its like i didnt really know you well at all.
