Hello.
Don't be ashamed if you like men.
TBH most peoples first times start with them being virgins. People who are different are generally treated like garbage. Please don't let the ignorance of others scare you or get into your mental space.
I understand your confused, but assuming that gay=effeminate is incorrect. Also to equate femininity as being not normal is not ok either. To be normal means that you are alive. That's it, because normalcy is a vague term. I will agree with what the others say, that you should really just discover yourself. It sounds that you are using societal views and stereotypes to define what your feeling. That will only make it harder, because in the end only you know who you truly are and what you want. Do not use grindr…not when your not sure about yourself. yes you might meet friends, but that site is first and foremost for hooking up, dating and friendships...in that order. Try finding lgbt friendly places, groups or events. Like PFLAG, Straight and Gay Alliences, etc. Be discreet if your not sure, by that i mean events outside of your town, if possible, or google(for lack of better input) and connect with a forum. There is so much information out there in health clinics and online, just take it at your own pace.
Guilt is common, people feel guilty when there is nothing to be guilty about. We've all been lied to that being gay is immoral. it's understandable to feel guilty when that has been repeated to us since childhood. Never feel guilty for who you are or what you like(except murder and such). Make the effort not to make it so sexual. Attraction is not all sexual...you mak like the way a guy smiles, how he smells. Try not to look at how you feel about whatever gender you feel attracted to solely through sex. its adding to the confusion. it's important to feel your way through what you're feeling, but test it on different levels, not just sexual. News flash, anybody can cum to any porn. Your hand and imagination is providing the stimulus, that the porn isn't providing, but it sounds like you have an idea anyway.
That guy is still a jerk...there are nice jerks. it sucks you lost it to someone, who didn't realize that you are more than a one night stand. it wasn't wrong or a mistake, it was a learning experience. This is why grindr is not the best thing.
I still never had sex with a girl. And i'm so confused because i'm not sure if i'm bissexual or if i'm just a gay trying to have the excuse "i like girls too".--Take time to really ask yourself what is it that you want.-
I'm not sure if my attraction for girls is legitimate, but i know that i don't imagine myself being an open gay. I would love to have a wife, and children. It's a dream for me, and i never liked the idea or felt any desire in stay in a relationship with a man.----I used to have this thought, because society both straight and gay, doesn't really show the lgbt community as capable of being in monogamous relationships. if they do its characterized for comedic effect, not always the case, please keeo that in mind. you can be gay and have children...honestly, it is a very real reality.
please do not think like that...please do not. As some of these guys have suggested and i will repeat. Discover yourself. We can't tell you what you should be, but you can't look and men or women through a heteronormative lense. Meaning looking at this siotuation soley on sexual attraction, of who is the man and who is the woman. But i'm not qualified to give advice, that will lend to a great discovery.
One thing i can say, never hide yourself. you can live only for yourself. we can't tell you how to live. If you still need to be discreet do it for yourself, but, it's so much better and easier living proudly. I understand if you're worried about what your family might think or do...find a way to know who you are until you're ready.
Here, one link, i hope they help. Much love
http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/comingoutadvice/a/ConfusedTeen.htm