Posts made by riboka

I have a very strange form of relationship with my best friend. We are in our thirties now and we have been making sex for 14 years. We are very close, best friends since our teen years. We spend much time together, share secrets, go on vacations and trips together, sleep in each other houses and etc. Neither of us identifies as gay and we both have relationships and sex with women. No one knows of our sexual relationship. Everything started 14 years ago when we often slept together in one bed in each other houses. Watching porn and jerking while drunk we started having sex.
In the first years we had sex regularly 1-2 times a week. But he always refused to kiss, I have tried multiple times to kiss him on the mouth and he always refuses. I fucked him several times in the beginning but he refused it afterwards saying that it hurts a lot. So he is always the top and I am the bottom, although I really want to fuck him. He has no problems giving me a blowjob or a hand job and he enjoys it a lot to suck me and even occasionally to swallow. But he never hugs me or cuddles. When I hug him or cuddle with him, he does it reluctantly and tries to get away. So he makes sex with me without emotional attachment and as fast as he can.  Otherwise we are very close emotionally, he says that he loves me as friend, that I am his best friend and so on.
So we are very close best friends, who make sex without emotions. In the last years he started to refuse to have sex with me. We fuck 4-5 times in year. I insist on making sex very often but he refuses with the explanation that he doesn't want now and may be another time. He agrees to hug me and jerk me more often as a compromise or lets me suck him. I myself am in love with him, but do not want to come out as gay, just want to have secret relationship with him. But I want it to be with love - kisses, hugs, cuddling and so on as real lovers. I said that to him, but he says that he hates gays and that he loves me only as friend and makes sex with me  because he feels me very close and he could not make sex with another men. He says that he prefers not to have sex with me, but could do it occasionally when he is in the mood because of me and says that he is sorry that he could not make sex with me more often. But he says that he couldn't do things like kissing.
He is about to get married in several months and invited me for his best man for the wedding. I myself also want to have family with wife and kids one day, but also want to have him as lover not just reluctant sex partner.
What do you think about this situation?