3 men walk into a bar.

After they drink a couple of beers they are ready to leave, but the bartender won't let them unless they have 12 inches of dick between them.

The first guy whips his out and shows 6 inches.

The second guy drops his pants and shows 5 inches.

Finally, the third guy shows his 1 inch dick.

The bartender says "Ok, thats 12 inches you can go".

As the're walking away the first guy says to the third, "Thank god you had a boner or we'd still be there."

We really only use 2 brown sugars in the USA; Light and Dark. The difference being the color of the finished product. Dark Brown Sugar will produce a much darker brown color in the finished cookie, cake, etc.

Cream is basically 2 types also; Heavy or Whipping Cream and Half & Half. Half and Half being 1 part Heavy Cream and 1 part whole milk. We  have canned milk that is used in recipes also. Canned milk is evaporated usually ( water removed ) and some use this for milk or Cream in recipes. There is also a Sweetened Condensed Milk that we use also and really that is it.

:drool2:

50 WAYS TO CONFUSE, WORRY, OR JUST SCARE PEOPLE IN THE COMPUTER LAB

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with.

6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.

7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.

8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.

9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.

10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case…" mysteriously.

12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.

13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.

14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.

15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."

16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.

17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"

18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).

19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.

20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.

21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.

22. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 31/2 disk drive. When it doesn't work, get the supervisor.

23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is.

24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.

25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.

26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to you, grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.

27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.

28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.

29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.

30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.

31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.

32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.

33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.

34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.

35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?"

, unplugging the keyboard & taking it.

36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.

37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.

38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.

39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does your delete key work?"

Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.

40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)

41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.

42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say.

"Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.

43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.

44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hang-up before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.

45. Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.

46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.

47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.

48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.

49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".

50. Two words: Tesla Coil.

WASHINGTON (Oct. 31) – President Barack Obama said Friday the U.S. will overturn a 20-year-old U.S. travel ban against people with HIV early next year.

The order will be finalized Monday, Obama said, completing a process begun during the Bush administration.

The U.S. has been one of about a dozen countries that bar entry to travelers based on their HIV status. Obama said the ban will be lifted just after the new year, after a waiting period of about 60 days.
"If we want to be a global leader in combating HIV/AIDS, we need to act like it," Obama said at the White House before signing a bill to extend the Ryan White HIV/AIDS program. Begun in 1990, the program provides medical care, medication and support services to about half a million people, most of them low-income.
The bill is named for an Indiana teenager who contracted AIDS through a blood transfusion at age 13. White went on to fight AIDS-related discrimination against him and others like him and help educate the country about the disease. He died in April 1990 at the age of 18.

His mother, Jeanne White-Ginder, attended the signing ceremony, as did several members of Congress and HIV/AIDS activists.

In 1987, at a time of widespread fear and ignorance about HIV, the Department of Health and Human Services added the disease to the list of communicable diseases that disqualified a person from entering the U.S.
The department tried in 1991 to reverse its decision but was opposed by Congress, which in 1993 went the other way and made HIV infection the only medical condition explicitly listed under immigration law as grounds for inadmissibility to the U.S.

The law effectively has kept out thousands of students, tourists and refugees and has complicated the adoption of children with HIV. No major international AIDS conference has been held in the U.S. since 1993, because HIV-positive activists and researchers cannot enter the country.
Obama said lifting the ban "is a step that will save lives" by encouraging people to get tested and to get treatment.
Rachel B. Tiven, executive director of Immigration Equality, said the ban pointlessly has barred people from the U.S. and separated families, with no benefit to public health.

"Now, those families can be reunited, and the United States can put its mouth where its money is: ending the stigma that perpetuates HIV transmission, supporting science and welcoming those who seek to build a life in this country," said Tiven, whose organization works for fairness in immigration for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and HIV-positive people.

Great Post!!!!

Three 7 year old girls were walking down the street wearing there mothers clothing, large hats, high heels and long dresses.

As they passed a bar they noticed no one was in the bar except the bartender. One of the girls said, lets go in for a drink.

They went in and crawled up onto the bar stools. The bartender saw that there was no one in the bar and thought he would have some fun.

He went to the first little girl and said "What will you have young lady?"

The girl replied "I'll have a Martini."

The bartender could not give them any liquor so he filled up a martini glass with 7-UP, placed an olive in it and put it in front of her.

He said to the second girl "What will you have today?"

She replied "A Manhattan."

The bartender then filled a Manhattan glass with Ginger-Ale, put in a cherry in it, and set it in front of her.

Again he asked the third little girl "What will you have today?"

After a long pause she replied, "I think I will have a "douche." Mother said they're so refreshing."

This recipe is from my buddy at GTN ~ vuoksenniska ~ he is from Finland and a great cook !!! These are easy to make and FABULOUS!!!

Dough:

5 dl milk
50 gr yeast
1 ½ - 2 dl sugar
1 tsp salt
2 tsp ground cardamom
1 egg
150 - 200 gr butter
14 - 15 dl flour (about 1 kg)

Filling:

butter
cinnamon
sugar

Topping:

1 egg
coarse sugar

Method:

Dissolve yeast into lukewarm milk in a mixing bowl. Add sugar, salt, cardamom and egg and mix ingredients together. Add half of the flour and stir into a soft dough. Mix soft butter into the dough and add as much from the rest of the flour as is needed. The dough is ready when it no longer sticks to the bowl or to your fingers. Cover the mixing bowl with a kitchen towel and leave the dough to rise in a warm place for approximately 30 minutes (or when dough is almost double of it's original size)

Pour the dough onto a floured baking board, knead for a while and then halve the dough. Roll out one part of the dough into a rectangular sheet (approximately 1 cm thick), with a rolling pin. Spread soft butter onto the sheet, and then sprinkle plenty of sugar and cinnamon on top of it. Roll the sheet up tightly, starting from the longer side.

Cut the bar into even, triangular pieces. Turn the pieces upwards and press down the centers of the buns with your finger, so that the cut edges bulge out on both sides.

Repeat the process with the other half of the dough.

Place the buns onto baking trays covered with greaseproof paper and prove for 30 minutes. Afterwards brush the buns with beaten egg and sprinkle with coarse sugar.

Bake at 225º Celsius, on the middle rack of the oven, for approximately 10 – 15 minutes, until golden brown. Set aside to cool, and cover the baking trays with kitchen towels.

NOTES:

• On recipe, yeast is fresh. If you prefer dry yeast follow the instructions of the yeast packet
• 1 dl (decilitre) = 100 ml (millilitre)
• 225ºC = 437ºF
  
  
  
  
  

leatherbear

This is a FANTASTIC recipe!!!! Great for dinner guests!!!

INGREDIENTS

6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
6 slices Swiss cheese
6 slices ham
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon paprika
6 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup dry white wine
1 teaspoon chicken bouillon granules
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1 cup heavy whipping cream

or

INGREDIENTS (Metric)

6 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
6 slices Swiss cheese
6 slices ham
25 g all-purpose flour
2 g paprika
85 g butter
120 ml dry white wine
2 g chicken bouillon granules
8 g cornstarch
235 ml heavy whipping cream

DIRECTIONS

1. Pound chicken breasts if they are too thick. Place a cheese and ham slice on each breast within 1/2 inch of the edges. Fold the edges of the chicken over the filling, and secure with toothpicks. Mix the flour and paprika in a small bowl, and coat the chicken pieces.

2. Heat the butter in a large skillet over medium-high heat, and cook the chicken until browned on all sides. Add the wine and bouillon. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 30 minutes, until chicken is no longer pink and juices run clear.

3. Remove the toothpicks, and transfer the breasts to a warm platter. Blend the cornstarch with the cream in a small bowl, and whisk slowly into the skillet. Cook, stirring until thickened, and pour over the chicken. Serve warm.

_Suggestions:

* Most people suggested it, and I would agree, to double the sauce. I doubled it, then used the extra to put over steamed broccoli. It was excellent.
    * The next time that I prepare this dish, I believe I will double the flour and paprika mix and coat the chicken with egg before coating it.
    * The wine sauce is INCREDIBLE as is… but I added just a pinch of corn starch to thicken it a little bit.. but not necessary._

This is a link to easy conversion of a Recipe : from cups,pounds,tspn tblspn to metric units of Measure. This should make it easy to try some of these recipes!!!! 

hXXp://www.xyntec.com/converber.htm

Sugar and Nut Glazed Brie

Ingredients

1/4 cup packed brown sugar

1/4 cup chopped macadamia nuts or pecans

1 tablespoon brandy

1 (14-ounce) round brie

Apple wedges, for serving

Pear wedges, for serving

2 to 3 tablespoons lemon juice

Directions

In a small bowl stir together the sugar, nuts, and brandy. Cover and chill for at least 24 hours or up to 1 week.

Preheat oven to 500 degrees F.

Place the brie on an ovenproof platter or pie plate. Bake for 4 or 5 minutes or until the brie is slightly softened. Spread the sugar mixture in an even layer on top of the warm brie and bake for 2 to 3 minutes longer, or until the sugar melts. Brush the fruit wedges with lemon juice and arrange them around 1 side of the brie. Place crackers around the other side.

GINGER SNAPS

1 cup/237 ml packed brown sugar (dark or light, as you wish)

3/4 cup/177 ml shortening (I use butter-flavored Crisco  :ok1:)

1/4 cup/60 ml molasses

1 large egg

2 1/4 cups/532 ml all-purpose flour

2 tsp/2 tsp baking soda

1 tsp/1 tsp ground cinnamon

1 tsp/1 tsp ground ginger

1/2 tsp/1/2 tsp ground cloves

1/4 tsp/1/4 tsp salt

Granulated Sugar (used to dip the rolled cookies into)

–------------
Method

1. Mix brown sugar, shortening, egg and molasses into a large bowl until well mixed, then stir in the remaining ingredients (except for the granulated sugar). Cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour (helps if the batter is cold so it won’t stick as much)
  2. Heat oven to 375 degrees F/191 degrees C. And lightly grease a cookie sheet with shortening (or cooking spray).
  3. Shape dough by rounded teaspoonfuls into balls. Dip tops into the granulated sugar (I usually cover about 3/4 of the ball with sugar, and just leave one side plain to put on the cookie sheet). Place balls, sugar side up, about 2-3 inches apart on cookie sheet.
  4. Bake 8-12 minutes or just until set. (the time varies from oven to oven; you have to watch them to see that they don't burn.) Remove from cookie sheet and cool on wire rack.

Makes 3 - 4 dozen cookies.

I usually double the recipe, put it in a large container in the fridge and bake as needed. The dough will keep in the fridge 2 weeks, easily. Enjoy!

Pumpkin Dip <–-->   http://forum.gaytorrent.ru/index.php?topic=8358.0

:cheesy2:

:cheesy2:

JASON CREW

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