Hello guys, I have registered couple of month before(and have downloaded lot of stuff hehe) and this is my first forum post.
I'm really confused and not sure about lot of stuff, so I hoping that in opening up this thread I will find answers.
I'm almost 20 years old, with my first gay (and bottom) expirience was when i was 15.5. I never tried to Top, niether I ever wanted to, even before I ever bottomed I had the feeling I want it inside of me.
The first time was wierd, but not painful or unpainful, as his dick was (compare to the next ones at least) thin. Afterwards it really varied, most of the times it was hurt, sometimes not, it was depending on my position, if he was rimming me before. I have a sum of 9 times a guy top me along those 5 years, as I don't do lot of sex, unfortunatley. Somehow I came into some assumptions, I don't know which of them is true or not, I want to try and clear for myself those things.

First of all, I'm getting no erection when a guy fucks me. It's not bothering me but, well, I'm not really enjoy the penetration either. I do want to enjoy it, I enjoy sucking and enjoy thinking that I make this hot guy feel pleasure from "using/fucking" me. I remember that when a guy rimmed my ass before fucking me, it was less hurt, as it was calming me(I like getting rimmed lol).
Also, last time I have got fucked, I tried to calm myself and also moan when he fucked me, it actually worked but I was actually a bit shy to moan suddenly when I wasn't used to it(haha). Somehow the fact I moaned made the pain dissapear and I suddenly felt like energy flowing into me every time he entered his dick inside**(was it what you call "anal orgasm"?)** however I also wanted him to stop, but I don't know if it was becuase I was unused to the feeling, or because of another feeling, a wierd one, that I feel wanting to go to the tiolet even though I'm super clean, like, when someone penetrate me I have the feeling it needs to get out, then I go to toilet and nothing, just the uneasy feeling with nothing.
In addition, I suffered before one year from fissure, however the doctor checked me after a treatment and said it have been cured since. I wonder if it has any effects, even though it already have been cured.

So, with all those thoughts running in my brain, plus reading the book "how to bottom like a porn star" which gave me a bit of light, I'd like to hear what you think about the assumptions, if they are wrong and questions I got:

• In order to feel no pain, I need to relax first, and for example rimming that makes me feel good makes me relax so maybe that's an explenation to why it was less hurt when someone did that before fucking me. Is it true that relaxtion leads to less hurt when someone pentrates you? does moaning have any connection to it?

• Does the fact I don't have erection when a guy fucking me is bad? When I use fingers it does keeps on hard, this why i'm asking. Plus, does tops generally think of unhard dick of the bottom as not-sexy? or its varey?

• How the feeling of wanting to go to toilet can dissapear? It makes me not wanting to continue the fucking process.

• Can it be the fault of the top that its hurt? as some may tell me "He just don't know how to fuck", plus with some guys I did the same preperation and all, even same position, but one was hurting like hell and one almost didn't(their dick sized wasn't matter).

• Is there's a possibility that I just need to abandon the penetration part in my life and do only oral?

• Does what I felt**(described above)** was an anal orgasm?

Sorry for the tons of quetions, those were some that I always wanted to ask but didn't know where I can to actually do that.
Also, really sorry about my english, it's not my first language but I've tried my best so you will understand me