First of all I want to acknowledge the courage it takes to put your feelings into concrete words, so kudos.
Secondly, I can relate (as much as possible for a queer person) to how difficult it is to be in a state of uncertainty, when all around you there is a society that has clear-cut definitions of what a man and woman should be, who they should love and how they should act. This is all just a giant load of bullshit, and the best thing to do is to try to shut out those outside voices telling you what to be. You're a human being having a human experience and it is OK to be unsure about things, it's OK to try different things, it's OK to make mistakes in these areas of life - just use it as a means to learn more about yourself and your own personal experience. It doesn't matter about what images turn you on sexually, or what gender you are attracted to in a relationship, it's all fluid anyway. Maybe you can just be attracted to a person for who they are, not what genitals they have. Just remain open to love, no matter what form it takes, or which direction it comes from.
Eventually you may not even find any answers to these uncertainties, but that's OK too. If you learn to listen to yourself you will discover how to be comfortable not-knowing, it is possible to be at home in a state of uncertainty.
I hope these words find you and are helpful xxx