What would you do if you fall into love with a straight man
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Schrödinger's cat!
sorry can't help it…
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90% of the time we think we're in love we're not; it's usually either a crush or flat out lust. Either way, it's a normal part of life. Enjoy it for what it is, knowing that it will fade away soon enough. And wait for the next crush to come along. It will, inevitably.
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Try to forget him
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People tend to get having a crush / being in lust with being In Love (note the capital letters); like 90% of the time we think we're In Love, when we're not. How many times have you slept with a guy and after realized that, while you may enjoy them, you're not really In Love?
I assume you like this guy and value his friendship. Try to honestly examine your feelings for him; odds are that it's really just a crush/lust/obsession thing. Step away from the emotions and look at yourself objectively. And if it is just a crush/lust/obsession thing, relax. It will fade away. Look, having a crush on someone is fun; it feels good. So enjoy it while it lasts, but don't do anything to fuck up your friendship, which is ultimately longer-lasting and more important. Someday you guys will joke about it.
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cant help but notice the question… so similar with my situations from time to time!
one lesson I drew from all these experiences, you can:
(1) talk to him and be prepared that things will get super awkward (or even tensed) afterward. Took me more than a year to really start talking with the guy again given that we were close initially.
(2) leave it at that if you can't bear the consequence in (1) because truly, eventually it'll fade when your life moves on the next stage/place and meeting other ppl. -
Fresnopup is exactly on the money. I fell in love with a horndog who bedded every woman he could, sometimes several different per day.
He married three times, is credited with two children. When he died a year ago, none of the family, and I was the one who introduced him
to the mother of his kids, bothered to tell me. That was clearly a deliberate decision.What I know is this. For all the pain and all the wrongs dumped on me, I loved that man more than anyone else ever has except, perhaps,
his actual blood relatives (two siblings survive but no parents). And whenever I think of how unfairly I have been misunderstood and outright
maligned for things that never happened, that love persists and is my reward. It has made me better, taught me the meaning of love. Love
is not love which alters when it alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove. It is an ever-fixed mark, as Shakespeare said, and
I am as steadfast as the Bright Star of Keats.I do not need justification. I do not need forgiveness because there is nothing that needs to be forgiven. If I wanted to, I could tell stories,
show letters and photos, cause all manner of mischief. But I am at peace because my love makes no judgments about the man who brought
the world to my attention, who woke me from my narrow dreams of academe, and launched the entire rest of my life. I am grateful for
what he did, grateful for the depth and power of what we had, and still learning the consequences of my own doubts and fears in not having
taken certain opportunities I was too stupid to recognize at the time.This is not written as justification or confession, but because that background love that is underneath all the rest of my life's comings
and goings, continues to be that most unwelcome of benefits, the dreaded Learning Experience. Love, sex, friendship, silence, patience,
acceptance all followed. There may have been easier ways for me to discover what it takes to love without needing to justify or fix
anything, without anyone even knowing that unlike everyone else in his life, my feelings have never wavered or diminished.Nor do they run my life. This is an old story, though still emotionally present as much as ever. It has not kept me from travels, relationships,
carnal frolic and indulgence, or from romance. It was a rocket launch, a beginning, not an end or a closing down. Not what I would wish
on another, but it is what I have. He was a remarkable man, and no one knew the things about him that I know and will carry to my
grave. My feelings demand nothing from anyone else, and are a constant reminder of the best I am capable of.As relationships go, I suppose it was a disaster, but the value of how that rocked and shattered my tiny world, lives on. And I guess I
feel about love that it is complete in itself and does not require anything, even acknowledgement. An interesting human problem, that.
It is not something earned or deserved. It is not transactional, a trade for favors or flattery. It is not because he had a big one or
was immortally sexual, or handsome, or smart. Looks can be lost, fame and money lost, even as we know in the age of Alzheimer's,
personality and memory can be lost and all the rest of health until life itself is gone.Good thing none of those matters is required for love to exist and be real and persistent. And if love for an unattainable object is
what it took for me to get on the right emotional path, then that is what it took for me. The love of men is one of the great mysteries,
and the more so because it is rarely talked about. Men cry in the presence of other men, perhaps even in their arms, and they have
intimate connections that go largely ignored and unmentioned, just as if only women have special relations within their sisterhood
but "the dear love of comrades" is all butch-bluffing and macho postures and not the most sacred and rarely mentioned bonds that
link us in profound ways.It is easy to think of sex for its own sake of pleasurable relief as if disconnected with emotion or human linkage, but it also is or can
be a manifestation of something deeper. In fearful Victorian England, the pure love of schoolboys for one another was romanticized
in fiction, but carefully separated from any hint of "beastliness," as if love were only an abstraction, and not a biological force like
the insemination instinct a man develops along with the necessary equipment.Perhaps now that there is, at least superficially, less fear of full embrace of our feelings and lusts, that awkward restraint can be
replaced, and reading the poetry of WWI soldiers in love with their fellows no longer necessarily has to be taken as mere flowery
language rather than an attempt to express the genuine passion males normally keep secret even from themselves, as if conjugal
relations with women were the only valid means of action. -
I use to masturbate using my tears as lube.
These days I move on to the next crush pretty quickly when I see there's no chance. I think an immunity is built up after the first 3 people I wanted to love not including the small would bang crushes in between them
What really bugs me is when a guy I like complains about being in the friend zone when Im automatically friend zoned by 90% of people I'd like to bang before even meeting them just because I have a Y chromosome
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When I was still in school, I was in love with my best friend who is 100% straight. I knew it but couldn't help myself. However, when he would flirt with girls, I would be so jealous and would have tantrums. He didn't understand and I was the only one who suffered. One day, I told him how I felt, he wouldn't accept that I am gay, we eventually stopped hanging out. As of today, I am happy that it ended, it was a one sided relationship where I expected too much from him.
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It's tough, okay, but patience IS a virtue.
The following is quoted from http://www.dailydot.com/opinion/mostly-straight-men-sexual-fluidity/
The reality is that a majority of LGBT folks. orientations change over the course of their lives. According to blogger Leh Miller, "84 percent of women and 78 percent of men [report] that they had changed their sexual identity label at least once."
And some, like [actress Maria] Bello or actor Josh Hutcherson, might be hesitant to label at all. Hutcherson defines himself as "mostly straight,"
reflecting a new open-mindedness when it comes to an emerging generation of young men. Hutcherson said, "Maybe I could say right now I'm 100 percent straight. But who knows? In a f**king year, I could meet a guy and be like, 'Whoa, I'm attracted to this person.' I think defining yourself as 100 percent anything is kind of near-sighted and close-minded."To match its users' spectrum of preferences, [online dating site] OkCupid recently expanded its sexuality options to include a variety of labels, including asexual, homosexual, and the controversial term sapiosexual, which means you're attracted to intelligence.
50 percent of heterosexual women and 25 percent of heterosexual men reported having at least some recent same-sex attraction. Likewise, 35 percent of heterosexual women and 24 percent of heterosexual men reported masturbating to a same-sex fantasy in the last year. And not just that, but 2 percent of heterosexual women and 9 percent of heterosexual men reported actually having same-sex contact in the last year.
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My [Pornofan] guess is that many of those 9% of Str8 men are not frat boys ("God was I drunk last night") but randy guys going cold turkey against their will at That time of the month. Or maybe people who have discovered a gloryhole(perhaps at an adult video arcade) that is conveniently and easily available. There sure are a lot of older men newly single and long out of the dating scene who suddenly become "bicurious." And while lots of gay men have been married to women and are now free to look elsewhere, not all of those men realized their strong attraction to other men until after they had been married for a while.
It may be a bit like teens doing the standard dating thing and making out and all that, but without the kind of enthusiasm other guys seem to have, and eventually having worked through the "normal" alternatives, the young man realizes why it is that women are not interesting to him sexually, and perhaps not even interesting at all. And that is on top of mutable sexual interests, which are already different from youthful experimentation.
I do love the deep bonds that exist between men, often under the general radar, unlike the much celebrated "sisterhood" of women. That may very well take the form of a special, deeply emotional relationship that may even have a physical component not present for anyone else. In Torchwood, the British television spinoff of Dr. Who, the leader of the team is omnisexual, and sex with invading aliens happens as well as with men and women both. His long-term (in the series anyway) lover is only gay for one man. Since the man he loves is played by out actor John Barrowman (currently on US television in Arrow, a show rather overflowing with hunks), there are a number of gay storylines in Torchwood, some quite poignant.
Now that the love that won't shut up is all over the media, in television, films, stage, and interviews, more and more people seem willing to claim some flexibility in theory, if not in practice. The standard view these days for people who say they are not gay is to add a tag line from Seinfeld (a sitcom) and proclaim, "Not that there is anything wrong with that."
The truth is that sex is sex and people do what they do. For over a century now, there has been a label, "homosexual," as if everyone fit into neat little categories and stayed there. Women are more likely to go back and forth between men and women, but the more musicians, sports figures, and entertainers in general refuse to speak or act as if they think anything IS wrong with some orientations, the more easy it become for people to explore options that otherwise would be repressed out of fear of the Public Victorian. And not for nothing does it turn out that the most virulent homophobes are the ones most turned on by gay porn.
I've met Josh Hutcherson, btw, before he was a teen idol from Hunger Games and was just rather chunky and at the edge of stardom. He is so generous with his public sentiments because, having been raised in the business, he has always known gay men, and because he has a gay uncle.
Did anyone else see the broadcast wrap party after the final episode of long-running TV sitcom "cheers"? Woody Harrelson said on camera that he was not shamed to admit he would go down onconstar Ted Danson. Another true life confession like comedian Tim Allen's rift in one of his broadcast standup routines about how men should be willing to blow a buddy who is sad or depressed. The audience laughed wildly.
All of which musing is to suggest that standardly accepted inhibitions are not as powerful today as they once were. Truck stops on long-haul routes often have gloryholes for use by str8 drivers in need of accommodation. From at least the 1600s, no sailor ever signed about a second major voyage without knowing how men at sea release tension. Not something they talked about with the "little lady" back home, but also an uncontroversial fact of life. There is also, of course, the "dear love of comrades" in the military, daily facing death together. There is a very moving volume of WWI poetry written by soldiers about their love for another man. What that meant in practice is unclear, but at least their openly romantic language was part of a world less judgmental than the one in which some geezers were raised in an atmosphere of nearly universal oppression.
Men just do a lot of things behind closed doors that are never discussed or acknowledged otherwise. What we know about sexual behavior by long-term prisoners is also true of other all-male environments. Cowboys, for example, were not necessarily celibate until they could get into town after a long cattle drive, and in town and lacking cash, they may have made good use of a convenient ribbon clerk behind the outhouse.
Unfortunately, interesting as I find all this, and as much as I like to think that any strait man might allow himself, due to circumstance, a Special relationship that includes a sexual component, that does not mean that when one man falls for another, anything good is likely to come of it. And yet… I remember the recollection of a gay man talking about picking up soldiers with his friend and then blowing them in separate beds in the same hotel room. He noted that often enough, the men being serviced would kiss each other deeply as they were occupied in a supposedly forbidden way.
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It is not just tough. It is a nightmare.
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Hmmm Im in that kind of situation right now, or better to say, last 4 months when new colleague start to work with me in the same office. Never told him anything about it and when I thought I can deal with it ( Im even arrange him a date with women from another department) our chef came today and told us that next week we are going together on some seminar. We r going to be in the same room in hotel for 5 days ! :cry3: :cry3: :cry3: :cry3: :cry3: :cry3: :cry3:
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I was in love with a man who identifies as strictly straight for about half a year before things turned sour. He was someone who sought me out for comfort and things sort of blossomed from there. It could have been for all intents and purposes a real relationship, all the emotional part was invested by both parties and heck there was willingness to get physical too. Until this straight guy went and found God. I mean good for him, he's all incredibly happy and whatnot now, he's at peace with himself, but he's ended things for good. And it sucked. Obviously. Guy was everything I could have wanted in someone. This was probably around the same time I came to the conclusion that crushes on straight men need to be extinguished before they burst into the flames of passion. Flames of one-sided passion in most cases.
TLDR; fell in love with str8boi, started things with str8boi, str8boi found jesus, str8boi ended things.
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Unfortunately, I
m still in love with one… Probably Ill suffer (silently) for a while, and wait, cause it will pass, eventually![😕](https://community.gaytorrent.ru/assets/plugins/nodebb-plugin-emoji/emoji/apple/1f615.png?v=hvqg2qn0nb4 ":-\")
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My advice… RUN!!!
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I'd lure him into one of those fundamentalist "pray the gay away" re-orientation camps. Everybody that comes out of those places is gay. >:D
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I would try not too… I have a close friend who has fallen for so many straight guys and everyone of them has ended in heartbreak.
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Life is simple don't make it complicated
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It's very difficult as I had crushes at school with str8 guys and later in my working life had the same. Yes they knew I was gay and liked male bonding like hugging, sharing the shower etc and it frustrated me massively. Naturallym I want to keep the strong friendships without crossing that line…
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I believe we've all been on this situation more often than not, simply because most men identify themselves as straight. A lot of people will tell you to go for it and try it, but think about how you'd feel if it was the other way around, if a girl tried to "flip" you. The LGBT community is sometimes so fixed on all orientations deserving respect that we sometimes forget that the cisgender heterosexual people are also an ortientation and deserve as much respect, if the guy turns out to be bi or gay on denial or something of the sorts that's a different story, and in those situations things tend to happen pretty naturally, but on most cases it's better to move on.
TL;DR= clinging to the hopeful belief that any straight man can be turned gay/bi for you is just as offensive and close minded as the religious nuts that believe any gay/bi man can be turned straight for Jesus. They're here, they're NOT queer, we better get used to it.
