D/s relationships. Respect
-
I pretty much only have one fetish… humiliation. I need to get severely degraded to get off. I've been into this my whole life. I have two questions regarding this:
- I fall for assholes. Guys who just take advantage of me in every way. Not just as a sexual dynamic. The problem is that guys who don't take adantage of me... just don't do anything for me. I've dumped the great guy for the less attractive asshole just to find myself getting walked all over and stomped on. I'm submissive. I take a lot of shit before I speak up and then I tend to be ignored.
This question is to guys like me who are in a relationship that works. How do you do it? What am I doing wrong?
- Is it healthy for me? I get that there's probably some self loathing at the base of this. Is it bad to pursue a D/s BDSM relationship with me as a slave?
I'd be grateful for any answers. I'm single again and just want a guy to fall in love with who loves me back.
-
I'm not going to go into your sexual preferences, but instead focus on your relationships.
You obviously have some deep seated issues, where you'll dump good guys for total assholes. Like you said, the core is most likely some self loathing.
I don't see why you can't have a mutually loving relationship with someone regardless of/separate from your bedroom activities.
-
I'm not going to go into your sexual preferences, but instead focus on your relationships.
You obviously have some deep seated issues, where you'll dump good guys for total assholes. Like you said, the core is most likely some self loathing.
I don't see why you can't have a mutually loving relationship with someone regardless of/separate from your bedroom activities.
Yeah, there's a lot of self loathing. I have serious self esteem issues. Not sure what to do about that though. I hope I find a guy who I can love who will also love me. Just feels sucky right now when I'm single.
-
I am 34 and a dom, and I am going more towards D/s relationship than M/S. I have always respected my other partner, but I think M/S or SM or D/s relation (sexual or long term) can be a bit tricky, as you gain power over the other, and human beings getting power, it gets to their head. Thats why I 've always said that sub needs to set his limits.
As a summary : I am a dom and always respected my sub, but I know we are rare breed.
-
I've been into the Dom/Sub and Leather thing since I was about 16. Once I turned 18 I was able to explore the Dom/Sub Master/Slave thing and found out that Dominating a Guy is better than I fantasized about. Fortunately I was able to find a local group of doms and subs that had Coffee every week and was able to meet some awesome friends who shared their knowledge and experience. Every single one of them taught me that Trust and Respect is the Foundation of a Good Dom/Sub relationship. Now, at 30, I own a Boy and we Trust and Respect each other, and because of that, we have been able to have some wild and crazy fun and safe times.
Tom, the Assholes you are meeting up with are just that, Assholes. There are way too many "Doms" who erroneously believe that being an asshole and treating a sub like shit is being "Dominant," when in fact, they are just being Assholes. I'm sure there are plenty of Doms that would Respect you and whom you could Trust to live out your fantasies.
Kelivor, it's good to read that there are other Doms out there with a good shoulder on their heads.
-
I am 34 and a dom, and I am going more towards D/s relationship than M/S. I have always respected my other partner, but I think M/S or SM or D/s relation (sexual or long term) can be a bit tricky, as you gain power over the other, and human beings getting power, it gets to their head. Thats why I 've always said that sub needs to set his limits.
As a summary : I am a dom and always respected my sub, but I know we are rare breed.
That's what I was afraid of. I prefer just being able to let go. Let my master take total control.
-
I've been into the Dom/Sub and Leather thing since I was about 16. Once I turned 18 I was able to explore the Dom/Sub Master/Slave thing and found out that Dominating a Guy is better than I fantasized about. Fortunately I was able to find a local group of doms and subs that had Coffee every week and was able to meet some awesome friends who shared their knowledge and experience. Every single one of them taught me that Trust and Respect is the Foundation of a Good Dom/Sub relationship. Now, at 30, I own a Boy and we Trust and Respect each other, and because of that, we have been able to have some wild and crazy fun and safe times.
Tom, the Assholes you are meeting up with are just that, Assholes. There are way too many "Doms" who erroneously believe that being an asshole and treating a sub like shit is being "Dominant," when in fact, they are just being Assholes. I'm sure there are plenty of Doms that would Respect you and whom you could Trust to live out your fantasies.
Kelivor, it's good to read that there are other Doms out there with a good shoulder on their heads.
That's great to hear you have found a dynamic that works you. Any practical tips?
-
I wouldn't be too hard on yourself - you obviously want to move on.
Real but not fatal abuse has an edge to it. It can be exciting and incredibly sexually charged. Seems like you've had a preference for receiving real abuse over 'managed' and 'consensual' abuse. The two are not really the same thing at all, the second is careful to remove the danger which the first thrives off.
Moving into consensual and recreational abuse is really a hall mark of maturity and you most probably will thrive in such a crowd. You'll find it mixes the D thing you like with an ability to nurture respectful and loving open relationships. You could well meet the partner you seek in such a milieu. Occasionally i've ventured into such a world by attending nite clubs and theme nites. It works well as like tend to seek like. Generally a well adjusted lot. With some I found the s/m routines a bit cliche, dressie and lacking the verve of real abusive relationships. But with others i saw, largely through a like minded sense of understanding, how there was a place I could go and negotiate some of my own rules safely. I did that for a while in Germany. it was quite addictive for a time - a new buzz - a lot of possibilities - but much more manageable than the quiet violent intimacy and personal devastation i experienced through passionately abusive affairs with head cases.
