Advice: introducing spanking in a new relationship
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Hi everyone,
I am writing to you all to ask for some advice on how to introduce spanking into the bedroom in a new relationship. I was in a long term relationship for almost 10 years until Christmas 2011 when we decided to split mutually. During that relationship playful punishment spanking and domination was a big part of our sex life and I always found it a big turn on.
I have been dating a new guy who is a slim athletic dancer/actor for almost a year now, the relationship is great but different. For starters he is 10 years younger than me at 19 and he does not have that much sexual experience. I would like to introduce the idea of spanking play to him and have briefly spoken with him about it. He tells me that he doesn't like it based on a past experience with a guy he dated for a couple of weeks. From what I understand this guy stripped him naked, tied him to the bed and whipped him quite severely with a riding crop. He tells me that there was blood and marks were left for weeks afterwards. The worst part is that this guy would not stop when asked.
That is not really what I want to do and I certainly don't want blood all over the bed sheets! I'm interested in playful punishment spanking as a part of sex. Not a severe beating! I'm pretty sure he has found spanking porn on my computer and he has asked me about it. I told him it turns me on and we pretty much left it at that.
Let me give you an example, recently I have had a problem down there that left me unable to be penetrated for a couple of weeks (Hemorrhoid). We were fooling around recently and he kept telling me that he wanted to fuck me, knowing that letting him do that would most likely hurt A LOT and possibly make a problem that I had just gotten rid of return I said "no, not until I've healed. I can fuck you though" to that he replied "no, you're not going to fuck me if I can't fuck you"
In past relationships I would have know exactly how to deal with a reaction like that. I would have told him that I was Ill and he wasn't and if he was going to be a brat about it I'd punish him then id fuck him! Then in a split second I would have him over my knee with his boxer shorts around his ankles spanking his bare ass hard until he apologised! Then I would throw his legs over his head and fuck him hard and fast until we both had earth shattering orgasms! Not that unreasonable is it?!
I'm just not sure how he would react If I just did it. I don't want him to run for the hills. The relationship is more important to me that great sex, it would just be a bonus!
So does anyone have any advice on how I could approach the subject? I expect he would enjoy it if he tried it!
Many thanks, I eagerly await your opinions!
Sye
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Hi Sye,
You probably remember me best as LBC from another site :hug:
The whole Spanking and Discipline bonding that is created between 2 men takes a certain kind of sexual maturity that most 19 year old's just would not understand or appreciate. I really think that was shown by his "not if I can't fuck you" statement ~ a real lack of sexual maturity. My second clue is the dancer/actor description ~ cliche but often true ~ they are very self centered to begin with and therefore I do not believe he could ever wrap his head around the complex sexual dynamic you desire.
The only option you have is to be very blunt about your desires and see if he is willing to give it a go both passive and active ~ at least from my perceived understanding of your desires. If he had a bad experience you have to explain that he was with a true Sadist who had no respect for boundaries. Explain in detail how things would and should work with you as his partner ~ he knows you are not that jerk at least by now. The risk of slowly breaking him into Spanking and Discipline considering his bad past experience could be dangerous for your relationship and his mental well being.
Sometime you have to risk it all to have it all.
Good luck and best wishes for success.
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The risk of slowly breaking him into Spanking and Discipline considering his bad past experience could be dangerous for your relationship and his mental well being."
This observation is a prescient example of the illuminating effects of pure reason: a likely-cause and effect circumstance that when identified, most reasonably-aware people would immediately take notice of and show caution for. Anyone that is except Spankofakes, who sees this detail not merely as an obstacle to his own pleasure, but more as an unsightly and inconvenient delay, one destined to be overcome by any means and as quickly as possible.
As time-consuming as that task likely was, if he proved successful in the end Spankofakes could of taken-to-heart one singular fact of comfort: That his unfortunate boyfriend should fail to discover for himself the oncoming spectacle planned of poor foresight and accompanied by venal self-introspection, is plainly but true testament to the powers of his own persuasion.
Mozel Tov!
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This post seems to be a long time ago..
i'm curious how things worked out eventually.May I speak my opinion that seems too late after two years. I quite agree with the "sexual maturity" statement someone made up there, since I'm exactly the age that 19-yr brat was two years ago, which reminds of a gazillion of examples I've encountered of guys being in their teens or early twenties who argue who'd be the one to fuck and to be fucked. It bothers me a lot since I'm that kinda person who find flip-fucking a huge turn-on and gets disappointed easily when someone insists not to be fucked. (I have that Hemorrhoid problem too, which is a huge bummer and I'm seriously considering getting rid of it officially through surgery) And in their position, sex is all about "penetrating and being penetrated" if they are not into other sexual activities. I regard spanking as one fairly important role in my life, as both in sexual intercourse and individual's life-long well-being, which requires more investment one's mental performances than his physical behaviors.
Not knowing what the result turned out to be, I would hold my comment as making advice. Actually i should be asking questions… @leatherbear:
Hi Sye,
You probably remember me best as LBC from another site :hug:
The whole Spanking and Discipline bonding that is created between 2 men takes a certain kind of sexual maturity that most 19 year old's just would not understand or appreciate. I really think that was shown by his "not if I can't fuck you" statement ~ a real lack of sexual maturity. My second clue is the dancer/actor description ~ cliche but often true ~ they are very self centered to begin with and therefore I do not believe he could ever wrap his head around the complex sexual dynamic you desire.
The only option you have is to be very blunt about your desires and see if he is willing to give it a go both passive and active ~ at least from my perceived understanding of your desires. If he had a bad experience you have to explain that he was with a true Sadist who had no respect for boundaries. Explain in detail how things would and should work with you as his partner ~ he knows you are not that jerk at least by now. The risk of slowly breaking him into Spanking and Discipline considering his bad past experience could be dangerous for your relationship and his mental well being.
Sometime you have to risk it all to have it all.
Good luck and best wishes for success.
