Gay crush
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so im 18 already i think i can talk on this site…......... im still in high school (US) and i had/have feelings for this football jock who is in my guitar class and from the first week i started talking to him and hes nice and everything,we hung out everyday in the class we worked together on projects and he usually would look into my eyes longer than he would do anyone else, when i hand guitar pick to him he would touch my fingers and hold them for a bit longer but he doesnt do that to anyone else(he doesnt even touch anyone's hand) ive noticed it too many times, he would joke around with me a lot, we would laugh a lot each day, he ,on several occasions, had shown me that he likes me by saying that im kind and caring, saying that my hair is luscious but through joking or saying something like whats wrong with finding the prefect guy and live happily ever after, a lot and most of the things he says to me are jokes but it seems like there are hidden meanings to them. he doesnt have a girl friend either (ive never seen him hang with a girl one on one, and i asked him if he went to a dance with anyone he just said some chick and that he was miserable there). i had tried to tell him by saying that i have a crush on a "person" and that i dont know if i should still keep on feeling for this "person" even though it hurts that the person doesnt make it clear to me yet he said that i should drop hints and stuff nothing big.so about 3 weeks ago i got his cell number and i finally told him that the "person" in my story is him he said he was shocked and that hed keep his distance, so i asked him if this was awkward he said yes... so the day after we didnt talk but i met him before class and i kinda smiled and he kinda snickered and that night he texted me asking if i was ok,(apparently the word got out because he was asking some girls for advices about this thing) so i asked him who talked so he told me that it was him and so i texted him back saying that they wont be able to do anything to me anyway since im really not what they think i am. and we still dont talk........... its just really confusing i mean all those times that i thought he had feelings for me too, was it just me that took it the wrong way but he still didnt make it clear that he doesnt have feelings for me though since he didnt say that he didnt like me but then again he could've been so shocked that he forgot to say no or whatever i dont know. so i just want to know what you guys think about this. its been very depressing for me im still really not over him but im trying.............
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He may have feelings for you, but he's just confused on what to do or how to handle it. If he hasn't really been honest with himself, then now is the time he's going to start thinking about the ramifications of what being gay means.
I say ride it out and see what happens. Don't push it, let whatever happens happen naturally. You may hook up or you may just end up friends.
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thank you for the reply, i just dont really know what to do anymore we still have that class together but we dont talk anymore he doesnt act mean with me or anything so i guess its cool but its just sad that i invested so much feelings and time into him and to have him turn out like that its very depressing he was my first real crush that i decided that i would do something about. it sounds to me like hes scared of getting outed i mean i am too but he already outed me(im not even sure how outed i am at school but people still treat me the same so its cool) so if he ever wants to do anything with me then i guess hed have to come out too which i dont think is an option for him
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Being a football jock, he's gonna have even more to think about. If he's good enough to play in college, being gay will probably hurt his chances. If he wants to continue playing football, he will have to stay in the closet as the locker room isn't a friendly place for gays.
It's good that no one seems to be treating you badly.
To be honest, 99.999999999999% of all crushes end in disaster for the person with the crush, whether you are gay or straight.
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Being a football jock, he's gonna have even more to think about. If he's good enough to play in college, being gay will probably hurt his chances. If he wants to continue playing football, he will have to stay in the closet as the locker room isn't a friendly place for gays.
It's good that no one seems to be treating you badly.
To be honest, 99.999999999999% of all crushes end in disaster for the person with the crush, whether you are gay or straight.
you're right but i asked him a while back what he wanted to be he said he wanted to be a PE teacher i guess its kinda like the same thing as being a football player huh? since hed have to be in a locker room too.
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I would never be a teacher, especially a PE teacher.
You piss off the wrong kid and you are in jail for kiddie fiddling. No thank you.
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I would never be a teacher, especially a PE teacher.
You piss off the wrong kid and you are in jail for kiddie fiddling. No thank you.
lol i guess but i heard its an easy job ,doesnt require that much time
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Dude I was the Football jock and a guy with a crush many times in my life… Just learn from this. If you make friends and hang with a "str8" guy, then know thats just what your doing... Your hanging with a friend. I'm not saying that something might not happen but stay real. Dont be the guy thinking it's a date, while the other guy thinks it's a beer. I lost so much time on this... it's going to be hard but you will be fine!!
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Dude I was the Football jock and a guy with a crush many times in my life… Just learn from this. If you make friends and hang with a "str8" guy, then know thats just what your doing... Your hanging with a friend. I'm not saying that something might not happen but stay real. Dont be the guy thinking it's a date, while the other guy thinks it's a beer. I lost so much time on this... it's going to be hard but you will be fine!!
you're right , i mean i have doubts but the thing is all those things that he did , they cant just be coincident but he has never made it clear to me what he is by words just through his actions and those could be misinterpreted. i dont really like day dreaming i hate that. i dont want to be the be a twink that falls for a stud like that again lol so you were a jock too huh? so like did you get to do anything with your crushes? if so how did you let them know? how did you act around your fellow jocks ? i just really want to know if you can replay thatd be awesome dude thanks
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yeah dude just enjoy the friendship….maybe even tos hare that you are gay...
but don't make a big deal out of it..guys will come and go...but you start setting yourself to failure...you will have a miserable existence...
just chill have fun..you are young..crushes are cute..but thats all they are...crushes...
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@derektheking:
yeah dude just enjoy the friendship….maybe even tos hare that you are gay...
but don't make a big deal out of it..guys will come and go...but you start setting yourself to failure...you will have a miserable existence...
just chill have fun..you are young..crushes are cute..but thats all they are...crushes...
it didnt hurt me that much but really i still think the guy is gay , but i guess i was at the right place but wrong time oh well whatever lol
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gosh your post brought back memories
that age - 17-18 - coming out but it being tricky with school
being ready to have a first affair but being held back by social codes of young people
and not really being able to read the world - so you are still free to let yourself go and fall in love with the wrong kind of guy….totally get it - but i would say get oyurself to a gay social space and try and fall for someone who you know is gay - it's the most healthiest thing you can do for yourself - have your first experiences of gay intamcy with people who are brave enough to say i am gay.
If you go down the 'is he or isnt he route' - you'll just do your head in and you may do the other guys head in too. Straight men are affectionate beings - they appreciate male friendship too - but it can be a shock for them to realize you want a sexual encounter - In years to come he may very well explore his inner self . You're ready within yourself - he maybe on another planet in himself compared to you.The other thing is i have a gay friend who is outrageous and he came out young and he did manage to seduce some of the straight boys in his town. Now that tells me there is a special gift, a tallent , an innate ability to cross that line, handle the other person and come away unscathed, and if you don't have that skill, best not to go there, cos it can be messy for those of use who arn't able to appeal to all men in that way.
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lol thank you for the comment, there were too many signs for him not to be gay , but i think that hes just not really brave enough to do anything about it well i guess thats in the past now, but one thing that im sure of is that i love him…....i know it sounds ridiculous but i think i do , but im not like obsessed with him or anything............thank you again for the cool opinion
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@OP
there are 3 possible things that i can imagine from your original post.
1. he could be gay and slowly discovering who he is but your aggressiveness gave him fear and made him very defensive and pushed him back to the closet.
2. he could be just a very friendly straight guy. i have a lot of straight friends and they think it's cool to have gay/bi friends and consider our inputs (especially about the ladies) very useful. sometimes these straight guys (mainly because of conditioning) are confused on how to treat us without offending us which make them shuttle back and forth from treating us like one of the straight guys and like of the girls they know. but that doesn't mean they like us sexually.
3. your having a crush on him clouded your judgment. it could be that he was just straight and nice to you but you misinterpreted his words and actions and placed deeper meanings into otherwise mundane comments and actions. we all do that sometimes.
these are just possible scenarios, of course. i don't really know you, that guy or the exact situation/happening.
but whatever it is, hopefully you'll be able to evaluate everything with a clear head and decide accordingly.
growing up entails experiencing a lot of complications in life and we can only hope to emerge from this stronger and better in every way than when we first started.
good luck.
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@OP
there are 3 possible things that i can imagine from your original post.
1. he could be gay and slowly discovering who he is but your aggressiveness gave him fear and made him very defensive and pushed him back to the closet.
2. he could be just a very friendly straight guy. i have a lot of straight friends and they think it's cool to have gay/bi friends and consider our inputs (especially about the ladies) very useful. sometimes these straight guys (mainly because of conditioning) are confused on how to treat us without offending us which make them shuttle back and forth from treating us like one of the straight guys and like of the girls they know. but that doesn't mean they like us sexually.
3. your having a crush on him clouded your judgment. it could be that he was just straight and nice to you but you misinterpreted his words and actions and placed deeper meanings into otherwise mundane comments and actions. we all do that sometimes.
these are just possible scenarios, of course. i don't really know you, that guy or the exact situation/happening.
but whatever it is, hopefully you'll be able to evaluate everything with a clear head and decide accordingly.
growing up entails experiencing a lot of complications in life and we can only hope to emerge from this stronger and better in every way than when we first started.
good luck.
thanks for the reply, i dont think i was aggressive or assertive in anyway in this relationship i never threw myself at him and stuff thats for sure.
i guess its true that he could be str8 , but he did too many things for him to not be gay i dont know, but right now i dont really care anymore. -
Dude I was the Football jock and a guy with a crush many times in my life… Just learn from this. If you make friends and hang with a "str8" guy, then know thats just what your doing... Your hanging with a friend. I'm not saying that something might not happen but stay real. Dont be the guy thinking it's a date, while the other guy thinks it's a beer. I lost so much time on this... it's going to be hard but you will be fine!!
I agree, as I agree with many of the other posts here. I wish I had the good sense when I was your age to have asked for advice like how you did. It will be hard, and you will lose a lot of time thinking about him and guys like him, but as Adorabledude points out, you'll be fine!
D
