Thoughts on the docuseries “House of Hammer”
Anyone watched the docuseries “House of Hammer” about the scandals involving the actor Armie Hammer and his family?
I want to start off by saying I don’t condone any of his actions nor his family’s. I do not know the specifics of his relationships and I think is reckless to assume things only those involved know. What I wanted to get a sense of is how the whole BDSM thing is being portrayed.
In the docuseries (minor spoiler alert) they do bring a dominatrix that says that what Armie did was not within the rules of BDSM and constituted abuse. So, I guess the producers of the docuseries were at least minimally concerned about casting a bad shadow over the kink community.
But I don’t know why, I was still left with the sense that somehow, people who are not into BDSM, will get the impression that all people who like it are crazy like him. I didn’t enjoy this aspect (though, to be fair, this debate stems since the scandal broke, and not because of/since the docuseries).
I cannot deny that to the “regular Joe” things like being submissive, control, bondage etc., sound freaky and downright perverted. And crux of the matter is that it’s not. I may not enjoy or partake in a lot of fetishes, but, as long as it’s between adults and CONSENSUAL, all is fair.
That is my question…how wrong was he? I mean…from what I could gather from his ex-girlfriends he did signal his proclivities regarding BDSM. He may not have been totally overt, but that’s normal, I guess, when you’re introducing someone new to BDSM. You don’t want to scare them right off the bat. As most things, you must start slowly and carefully.
I’m not here to victim-shame or to question his victims, but to pick your brains about it…Let’s say I meet this awesome guy who I want to date, and he has never seen or heard of BDSM (difficult, I know, but bear with me). How should one try to motivate a love interest to partake in his/hers fetishes without overstepping the person’s limits?
I know that especially in BDSM, consent and respect are fundamental, but how should one go about introducing someone who doesn’t engage in it without seeming like a total freak?
Because that’s how it sounded to me. The women met this handsome, interesting man. He showed interest (you can argue he ‘love-bombed’ and manipulated, but I think that’s a very gray area) and slowly tried to show them his fetishist interests. Of course, many people will not like certain fetishes, and that’s ok. One cannot force another one to engage in a sexual activity they do not wish to do. But it just didn’t seem that obvious to me. At one point, one of the ex-gf even says that she said everything but ‘no’. So how was he to know she wasn’t into it?
Anyway, I just don’t like how the whole fetish/BDSM aspect ends up being portrayed and discussed regarding this case. The gay community is already heavily stigmatized and the gay BDSM one, gosh, is a clear case of multiple discrimination. Apart from Armie Hammer’s fall from grace, I think the scandal just paints a darker, more prejudiced picture of the BDSM community and I believe that’s very wrong and unfortunate.
What are your thoughts?
@beix88 And just to add something. Those awful, embarassing texts...oofff, I mean, yes, it's really hard to defend someone who says things like "I'm 100% cannibal" and "I'd like for you to be raped by strangers". But just playing the devil's advocate here, if my private messages, especially those to love interests were taken out of context, I'm pretty sure I would sound crazy/perverted too. I have probably sent a text like "I'd love to see you beg for my cum" or "You deserve to be my bitch for the night" or even "I own your ass, it's mine".
If you remove it from the context and just focus on the explicit nature of the words, basically you can't send anyone any more racy texts.
@beix88 P.S. #2: I'm not his fan. I'm not even that into "Call me by your name" like many people. My only interest in the case it's due to the fetish aspect of it. (Or how it's suffering yet again from stigmatization).
I haven't seen it.
Which network is the docuseries on?
Mostly, I'm OK with anything consenting adults want to do, unless it causes actual harm, such as cannibalism or maiming.
@raphjd It's on Discovery +