Coming out for incels?
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I'm an incel for reasons unrelated to being gay (skin condition and dubious sanity) - should I come out, or that would be a waste of time and nerves?
I'm 28, living in Russia, my online friends know about me, have little to 0 friends IRL, tried secretly dating ans closet wasn't a limiting factor, and listed stuff isn't getting resolved in observable future. -
Are you sure you want to identify with that lot? When I think of an "Incel" I think of an entitled, hateful jerk who believes he is owed sex and blames his failure to hook up on society. The problem with that is you'll find a community who will just reaffirm your insecurities, and just destroy any motivation you still may have to try and practice some self care, see a therapist, fall in love with an activity, the courage to put yourself "out there" and start meeting people. I mean if you don't want to have sex or you believe that in this overpopulated world there aren't at least a few hundred people with whom you'd be sexually compatible is kind of a wild belief. Incels are awful. The "community" that they have is cultivated with confirmation bias and some pretty despicable opinions regarding other people.
Maybe you might want to leave Russia, move to a city with a big, proud gay community. -
@dadesnine It's just a convenient word to describe my situation, because I'm literally involuntarily celibate. I do not care about their rhetoric and do not visit their communities (tried, once, several years ago, after hearing the word for the first time, but got bored in about 5 minutes and quit).
Alas, I tried to see several therapists - they didn't know what to do and just talked about some vague things like shame, failing to elaborate when pressed, tried to get a hobby or something, which drained the last bits of interest from my life, and tried to start meeting people - this ended in a disaster, mostly.
When you're covered in boils, and the doctors just shrug after 8 years of futile attempts to cure you, you begin to see speeches about not giving up and finally finding someone as an elaborate trolling. Don't see how big and proud gay comminuty can help with that - people are people, and avoiding such things is a rather reasonable instinct which I cannot judge. -
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What are you're interests?
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Even as an American, I'm aware that it can still be incredibly dangerous for gay people in Russia. I seem to find man documentaries about the violence against gays in Russia. So, coming out is something extremely personal, and I don't think this is the proper forum to ask about something so serious. You closest friends in your country would give you better answers.
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@anythingold Thank you, that actually cleared something for me.
@dadesnine Currently - always none. Everything seems pointless.
