I Have No Sex Appeal.
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I'm a smart, creative, knowledgeable guy now in my early 60s. I have a great sense of humor and can often make folks laugh easily. I am also very empathic and very good at understanding how another person feels.
I'm not ugly but I am not handsome. I have sort of a generic appearance I have been told.The problem has been throughout my entire life I seem to LACK "sex appeal". The vast, vast majority of the time, other guys simply never find me sexual attractive.
There are a few excepts here and there – but that is over the course of nearly 50 years, And thus either end up in the standard 3-months long "in lust" relationship fir the other guy with me -- or it is simply that I do not find the other person attractive (I am a bear who does not find other bears attractive).
My appearance has changed a fair amount over the years, usually with my weight. For many years I was a bear, but there was a 10-year period when I was more of an otter. Then I went back to being a bear -- and then because I live in a hellish situation for 2.5 years within the last 3 years, I became even a fatter bear. (I trying to loose that extra weight now, but it is difficult and it going to take a lot of time.)
I have meet many other guys. Believe me the lengths I have gone to meet other guys would boggled some people's mind. At one time for a period of a few years I had international attention in the gay community (and the science fiction community in which I has greatly involved.)
I have been on 3-4 different gay dating websites for, well, in some case, 20 years. I send out endless email and flirts/cruises to other guys and for every 100 I do I might get 1 reply -- from someone who thanks me (and nothing more).
Occasional I do have someone contact me who is interested. In those cases they are usually 1000s of miles away or literally on the other side of the planet.
I have a fairly-wide range of the type of guy who physically appeals to me. I don't like overweight guys but also every other build is fine. I've always tended to like guys in their 20s-30s but that isn't only a physical thing, but it does have a lot to do with the fact that most of my interests tend to be shares with guys in that age range. I have next to nothing in common with people my own age now.
I know I have a problem with my own body image, but that doesn't prevent me from putting up photos of myself on various websites and it is something I don't worry about if/when I meet someone I find attractive.
I don't do hook-up for ethical reasons, but that really is not a major issue since guys don't even find me attractive enough to want to hook-up with me.
I live in in the Greater Boston area of Massachusetts in which there are a great many colleges and universities. And Massachusetts has long had gay civil rights laws and was the first state in the USA to legalize gay marriage. So in general the environment here is very open and casual with regards to gay people and their partners.
I wonder sometimes in my empathy killed my sex appeal. As I said I am very empathic and can often easily make friends if I want to. I wonder about this because often when I do find a guy I find attractive and we hang out and get to know each other, after a month or two, the other guy will say to me "I think of you as one of my best friends -- BUT...." I think I may beat to a pulp the next guy who says that to me.
I've become more socially isolated in the past 4 years because of some really terrible things that happen to me for a bout 10 years now when basically my Life fell apart and I ended up in the hellish living situation I was trapped in. This are better in my general living situation, but a big killer for me is I no longer can afford having a care so it very difficult for me to meet other people.
I joined a number of local area gay groups for guys with my interests, but when they meet, they are all too often in places I have no way to get to. I do use mass transit when I can, but because I put on so much weight in the last 3 years, my mobility has been affected. I spend a lot of time now walking down (and sometimes up) in the 14-story building I live in.
The thing is though, regardless of what my situation or appearance has been throughout my life, the thing that was always there was just that Other Guys Do NOT Find Me Sexually Attractive.
I really have no interest in sleeping with a lot of guys. But I so very much want to meet someone who I find attractive who also finds me attractive. Someone who I could love that would love me as well.
Even when I have had lots of friends (and I have had LOTS of friends at various times in my life) I have also been lonely because I never had a boyfriend or a partner or a husband. At my age now, I think I likely have around 20 years left of life and more and more it seems to be I will be living them alone -- and dying alone.
I have done everything I can think of to try to meet someone -- including NOT looking to meet someone -- and the result is -- I never have meet a special guy for me.
At this point of time I have completely run out of ideas -- and most of my hope -- of meeting That Guy.
Does ANYONE have ANY SUGGESTIONS??? Please.
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