Friends and family who support and love you but don't want other people to know
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It's very interesting because there are some people who you know they love you, but It's very hard for them to get rid of the shame. It's almost as if they love you but they want to keep you under the carpet. haha. I think it might not be only about shame, but worry that other people obstruct your life based on prejudice, particularly in places where is legal to discriminate gay people.
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They can accept us but afraid other can accept them for having us lol
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That is their problem. Screw them. Just be yourself.
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Been there, and done that. My Parents "love" me, but will go out of their way to change the topic of discussion, if they think it might go anywhere near that.
In my experience, it is simply that they don't understand, and are not wiling to take the time to examine their own issues with it. My parents have made comments to the effect that they don't really want to talk about it, because my brother is in a crazy church, and they aren't sure how he and his wife would deal with it. Okay, I get my brother is in a church that is a little odd. I accept that my sister in law would have issues with it.
One of my last vacations, I was trying to talk to my parent about the fact that my job was being "downsized", and I was likely going to have to move to find a new job. Every time I tried to open the subject, my mother would start to talk about the people she used to work with, and derail any attempt on my part. Finally, after being put off about a dozen times, I just stopped trying. Now, three or four years later, they are wondering why I don't talk them much. I do still visit them, for the holidays, or occasional weekends, but I don't really enjoy it, and spend most of the time just letting them do the talking. When I do answer questions, I only say as much as I need to, and don't really give any details. "oh your house is so nice" "It's a place to live." They don't seem to have noticed, and I can't say that I care.
I realize that there is a piece of my life that is "missing", but it isn't the part I am looking to fix right now.
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Been there, and done that. My Parents "love" me, but will go out of their way to change the topic of discussion, if they think it might go anywhere near that.
In my experience, it is simply that they don't understand, and are not wiling to take the time to examine their own issues with it. My parents have made comments to the effect that they don't really want to talk about it, because my brother is in a crazy church, and they aren't sure how he and his wife would deal with it. Okay, I get my brother is in a church that is a little odd. I accept that my sister in law would have issues with it.
One of my last vacations, I was trying to talk to my parent about the fact that my job was being "downsized", and I was likely going to have to move to find a new job. Every time I tried to open the subject, my mother would start to talk about the people she used to work with, and derail any attempt on my part. Finally, after being put off about a dozen times, I just stopped trying. Now, three or four years later, they are wondering why I don't talk them much. I do still visit them, for the holidays, or occasional weekends, but I don't really enjoy it, and spend most of the time just letting them do the talking. When I do answer questions, I only say as much as I need to, and don't really give any details. "oh your house is so nice" "It's a place to live." They don't seem to have noticed, and I can't say that I care.
I realize that there is a piece of my life that is "missing", but it isn't the part I am looking to fix right now.
Perhaps I'm unique this way, but I wouldn't hesitate to burn that bridge. When it comes down to it, they clearly don't support or respect you, regardless of what they may claim. They say blood is thicker than water, but I've found that when it comes down to it, it is thin indeed. I'd rather choose my family based on who I actually trust and want in my life than people who think I should feel obligated to spend time with them.
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I fully agree. Having wasted much of my life waiting for basic respect from people who claim to love me, I got to the point where i just decided that I won't debase myself to these people any more. I refused to see my father before he died, didn't attend his funeral, and now I revel in the fact that I will never have to deal with any of his tribe ever again. and I have never been happier, not least because I essentially asserted my self-respect. I think that as gay men we are too tolerant of the disrespect that people feel justified in directing at us. I advocate deleting from my life anyone who even tries that shit on.
Conditional love is not love; it's just hate (in a bad outfit)
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Yeah ,i am in that situation. I try not to flaunt it in my parent's friends, but otherwise, i am open.