Relationship and HIV
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I knew a guy who got HIV one year ago, since that he hasn't had sex. He knew a guy who is really gorgeous and kind, but he doesn't want to start a relationship because he afraids to be rejected by the other guy if he knows about his condition. The point is, Has a person with HIV look for a relationship only with other person who is infected too? Should a person with HIV talk about it with a person if they are only dating? When is the wright moment to talk about it? Because nowdays there are still people with prejudices and stereotypes.
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There are a lot of people with prejudice and misinformation in this very forum!
I'm curious to read some replies, as I'm in a similar condition. Personally, I think being open about the status is mandatory if you want to have a relationship or a sexual encounter. But it's also difficult and frightful. -
Absolutely there is lots of misinformation and prejudice out there and in here too. :blownose:
There really is no "right time" to talk about being HIV/AIDS + ! There is only now. Talk about being HIV/AIDS + with family and friends until you are comfortable with it. Then worry about telling your dates. In fact one of the thing I alway put into my dating profiles is that I am HIV+ right up front. That way they can decide whether or not they want to contact me. If I meet someone in everyday travels then I wait to see how the date goes before I have "THE CONVERSATION". If they walk away or are uncomfortable with the facts then I walk away. Always be open and honest about your status. -
Also there is this sub section under Health & Fitness regarding HIV & AIDS.
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I have had several HIV+ friends really struggle with this. The majority of them just place it on their profiles now and immediately mention it. They struggle because it is really not anyone's business until things get to a certain point, but they said they often got hurt otherwise. You cannot really "force" someone to be okay with it if they are not. In fact, one friend I have dumps them quick if they say they are okay but then make comments and questions that they may not be. It hurts to be rejected later so they just say it upfront. I do not think this is a right answer, but they feel more "protected."
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I dated a guy with HIV. We didn't know he had it when we met; we went out a few times, and had postponed sex till we both got tested. He was only 19, and had only started seeing guys the year before.
I stood by him as much as I could, and told him that that didn't change anything, since I really cared for and loved him. (We just had to use those really strong and thick female condoms that's virtually unbreakable, lol.) But his family insisted that he moved back home in the US to support his treatments and such, so he did…
Now he's doing fine, and is "undetectable" -- literally more safe and more risk free (having sex with him) than hooking up bareback with a sexually active stranger who's untested (according to the HIV centers here). And with PrEP which virtually prevents its spreading, I would have unprotected sex with him if we were still together... not saying I totally won't be afraid, but yeah.
My point is, if I really love someone, I would date him even if he were 'positive.' I'm grateful for that experience; it taught me a lot about things, including who I am or can be. (Yes, I was one of those who wouldn't have dated him if I knew he was positive prior to dating, but wouldn't have minded being his friend.) And with medicine's progress in that area, it's a far different situation now than before when it comes to risk and safety.
I feel bad for the judgments a lot of people get, and wish more and more people will be more educated. I agree that your friend should just let others know early on, but it's really up to him (...a must, before sex though, as someone mentioned.) If he tries to live healthy and strictly stick to its medical protocols, he will be undetectable soon enough and won't transmit anything at all. (That's what the doctors said, also there's no reason for hiv positive people now to not die of old age.)
He just has to find the right (educated, non-judging) person... esp. now that he's still on his way to 'recovery' or being undetectable.
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It is hard, for an HIV+ to have a relationship especially with the current stigma. It's tricky. Yes one does love one another but the emotion is not part of it. How about an HIV+ person and a Non-HIV+ person relationship?
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i think it's the real life, most people do not want to have the any chance to get infected…so the best choice is to choose one in a same condition