I Think I Will Die Alone
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So…. I am a 31 (32 next week) year old gay guy, and the truth is : I have never been in a relationship. While I "slightly" fooled around with a friend in the past, I have never fully gone through with a sexual act. I am yet to have my first real date, kiss, hook up, etc. This all of course is not by choice.
I basically came out when I was 21. The people around me were accepting, but really even to this day have not been supportive. Yet I moved on. I have busted my ass to try to find someone, but have had zero luck. I have done online dating the last ten years, where very few guys even respond to my messages. I have been through the bar scene in two major gay cities. I have even tried low level matchmakers. The response I was given by most guys through matchmaking was that I seemed like a nice guy, but they didn't find me attractive.
I practically give up. I have put every little once of heart that I have into this, and I just can't do it anymore. I even did the whole "stop looking" method, which made me feel even worse.
Has anyone else been at this point? I just don't get how everyone in this world can bitch at me about how I should think of myself as attractive, because they claim I am, yet I get pure rejection from 100s of guys.
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I'm 36 and in the same boat as you. :hug:
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Aw, I'm too far away to help you but at least let me say :hb: for next week
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We are a very superficial bunch. I'm going to be pretty blunt.
If you want to get the second date, to even a ltr, you gotta look attractive, be confident and accept that a lot of gays aren't even looking for a relationship.
Get fit enough to look healthy, get some clothes that suit you, throw on a smile.
Seriously, life is too short to be average.
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Firstly and if you can post a picture on here and see what people think, you've got the entire world on here to say yes or no to being attractive.
I knew I was gay from around 13, had a bad experience at home when my dad found a gay mag under my bed so didn't actually come out till I was 28 and he had passed away. I came out simply because I hit a fork in the road of change my life or take my life, the next few months were the worst in my life and to this day it's the reason I hate the gay scene and a lot of gay guys. So yes I'm average but like you had loads of people telling me how attractive I was, great personality, talented, etc. I met a few people, not hundreds, I wasn't a slut, and all I found was people wanting to add me to the rest of the notches on the bedpost but that wasn't going to happen and I ended up with a nickname. So there I was the "ICE QUEEN", and no I'm often mistaken for straight, nothing queeny about me, but because I wouldn't put out the scene turned on me. Anyway to cut a long story short, I met a guy through an unusual situation and we are still together many years on. We have our ups and downs, we have good times and bad, it's not all like some porn movie in the bedroom, BUT I can't see my life without him or him without me, oh and he's just average too. We now have a good group of couple friends and not one of them met through a dating site or on the scene, they all just happened. Some like to be out on the scene every weekend others prefer the home life, but we all agree that love found us, we didn't go looking. Don't give up on love, but don't go looking too hard for it and especially not in all the wrong places. It will happen when you least expect it and you'll know it's true love.
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Hi the unknown friend, first of all, i want to say :hbirth: to you. hope you will have a nice birthday :ecake:
i was very sad when i saw this topic, because it looks so negative. But we should say, is there anyone who cannot be alone when he dies? physically, everyone dies alone.
It must be a very tough moment now, which you are suffering. you are not the only in the world, buddy. i had the same feeling when it was my 28th birthday, i thought there is no one who really loves me and spends the whole life with. and another thing that brothering me is that i am not openly gay, i know quite a lot of gay friends on the internet, but had never talked about it in my personal life. for those days, i stayed inside my room and had no feeling to anything but being depressed.
cheer up, please! One friend told me, "we cannot love a person who does not like himself." i think it makes sense. no matter we are alone or in a relationship, we do not want to become a burden to anyone else, nevertheless, there are quite a lot of things making us feel happy.
about online dating, there are quite a lot of people who are looking for sex only, but there are also a lot of people who wants some differences. i think you are just not that lucky to meet thoes people. why not to give yourself another chance. but firstly, like other people said, you should be confident by yourself. no complain any more.. it is your own life and only you can make some differences to it.
:bighug:make some wishes during your birthday. who knows what will happen next..LOL..
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same here, I'm 36.. but the truth is we all will die alone someday, we can't go with anyone to wherever we will be.
Just enjoy the life and do the things that will make you happy in this life.. :hug: -
I'm an average looking guy : 6 foot, 190 pounds, thick glasses (I was born with cataracts in both eyes), too much body hair. I accept it as it is. Yet I see people much worse off looking than me, not only with boyfriends, but quite good looking boyfriends. I just don't get it.
I have heard all the stories at this point. People say "you have to go out". I go out and nothing happens. The other set of people tell me "Stop looking". I try putting it in the back of my mind, yet still nothing happens. And the list goes on and on. I would be interested in knowing what all these other average guys have that I don't. I know no one on here can actually answer that question, but it really is part of the frustration. At the very least I am not dumb. I might be stuck working in retail now, but I have a college degree and more, I work on creative projects, etc.
One thing I believe that is holding me back is I am on a physical and mental level only attracted to much younger guys. So when people say just to live life and let things happen, I am never in social situations with younger crowds of people, because as you get older those opportunities go away. Plus lets face it, guys in their early 20s don't have much interest in guys in their early 30s.
At this point hook ups are on option. I would feel like crap about doing it, but I would do it. I'm not really getting any takers on that either.
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I'm an average looking guy : 6 foot, 190 pounds, thick glasses (I was born with cataracts in both eyes), too much body hair. I accept it as it is. Yet I see people much worse off looking than me, not only with boyfriends, but quite good looking boyfriends. I just don't get it.
I have heard all the stories at this point. People say "you have to go out". I go out and nothing happens. The other set of people tell me "Stop looking". I try putting it in the back of my mind, yet still nothing happens. And the list goes on and on. I would be interested in knowing what all these other average guys have that I don't. I know no one on here can actually answer that question, but it really is part of the frustration. At the very least I am not dumb. I might be stuck working in retail now, but I have a college degree and more, I work on creative projects, etc.
One thing I believe that is holding me back is I am on a physical and mental level only attracted to much younger guys. So when people say just to live life and let things happen, I am never in social situations with younger crowds of people, because as you get older those opportunities go away. Plus lets face it, guys in their early 20s don't have much interest in guys in their early 30s.
At this point hook ups are on option. I would feel like crap about doing it, but I would do it. I'm not really getting any takers on that either.
hey my friend..we are all average people unless we are super rich or genius.. you saw the happy couple in the life, but do you know what their stories is, before they get together maybe they suffered quite a lot of being apart or some other problems…
i know, it is easier to talk here than work by ourselves.. but since we haven't tried, how do we know what it comes... as for when it can come, that is really a huge problem to everyone..because we cannot predict the future.
i like white people who are elder then me, like in their 50s.. and most of the people that i like are about thousands of miles far away....i think it worth of waiting and taking some actions.. no matter when where and how it comes. -
I'm 33, not out and never been in a relationship. Frankly at the moment I do fairly well alone, but when I see many man (gay or straight) in their 50s that have relationship with childrens (past 18, but related to them they are children) and some are really loved back, I think I can find someone…
My problem is that I'm sentimentally attracted by women, but sexually mostly by men (usually not gay because all homosexual people I know get on my nerves, girl must have some peculiar features - not masculine, let's be clear - to attract me)...However I started to diet, I'm hitting hard the gym and started to use contact lenses instead of glasses... I'm not an adonis (at least not now) but it seems people appreciate the changes...
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It's interesting that you have started this thread, and great to see others are in similar boat. I've just turned 34 not long ago, and I have hooked up with some guys mainly through online dating site or apps and also met up with guys for just coffee and chats. It definitely seems that many guys are after quick fun rather than something long term.
I have had a "kind of" relationship with a guy for a year but it was more like a friends with benefits arrangement. That was 7 years ago and since then I didn't meet anyone that I could have a relationship with. Especially with dating app these days, gay guys are getting more superficial than ever (didn't think it could get worse), just looking at someone's bio can destroy your confidence - "no one over 30, no chubs, no (ethnic groups) etc". I definitely feel your frustration that it appears no one is into you and I do get the emotional lows when not getting any replies from messaging 5 different people. But don't let that get to your heart, just move on, life is too dull to be dwelling on things you can't change, like someone said, maybe looking at changing yourself, get fit - even by just doing 10 minutes of jogging once a week; experiment with wardrobe and hairstyle; invest in yourself, learn a music instrument; learn cooking new things; try channeling those negative feelings to motivations.
We are all human and we can't force ourselves to love the ones we don't and by the same token we can't force those who don't love us to love us. Just keep an open mind and something might turn up when you least expected - on my recent trip overseas I even met up with a guy that's 23, we had a chat over dinner, then a few drinks at a strip club giggling at the stripper's dick, at the end of the night we just hugged and said good bye. Even if we didn't sleep together, just had someone 10 years younger than me asking me to catch up was a confidence boost. It also proves that just because you think you are average and unloved, it might not be that case in someone else's eyes.
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I refuse to believe that after so many years of hard work, I am always the problem. What gets me is that different people are typically into different things. Not everyone wants the fit guy, who is obsessed with going to the gym, being on crash course diets, etc. Some people like chunky guys, hairy guys, short guys, and so on. I just don't understand why I cannot fit into the middle of all this. If I see some people I am attracted to dating guys 20 pounds heavier than me, how is that an indication that I MUST lose weight to have a chance?
I am into the cute twink look, which is kind of an odd pitfall. As far as I am concerned, these guys are your average guys. They don't have long chizzled jaws, built bodies, and unbelievable style. They aren't what most people would consider to be the ideal guy. On the other hand, these guys are either extremely open minded in dating, or they (mostly) are only interested in mirror images of themselves. I can't compete with that. I'm almost 32, and will never look like that no matter how hard I try. Heck.. I don't even I even looked that way when I was 10 years younger.
It's nice to see that I am not the only one dealing with these issues. Though most of you at least get hook ups or friends with benefits. I get none of that.
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You are definitely NOT the problem and there is nothing wrong with the way you look as long as you are comfortable in your own skin, some people wants to lose weight and some people wants to gain weight, it's all personal choice.
Although twinks are actually one of the more "popular" (and I am using that term loosely) types people go for, as you would be able to tell with the number of twink videos on this site. You are right people tend to go for types of guys that are similar to themselves, I found this to be true especially in twinks and gym fit guys. Having said that everyone is into different things, there are younger guys looking for slightly older guys, maybe you can look for dating sites that caters for that or keep trying.
You are certainly not alone with this issue, and I hope you will find something sooner whether is a once off or something more a long term. Like I said I know that awful feeling you are going through, and I genuinely believe you will find someone you like
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"You're not alone." I can tell you that, and I tell myself too. Not just me, but my straight friends have the same situation as you have. I've never dated before and I don't understand why it is so difficult just to find one. I feel upset about not being able to find a date sometimes, but I have works and other activities to keep me busy so I don't feel that bad and sometimes I really enjoy my life like this too. I learn one thing from this "you cannot choose to be single but you can choose to be happy".
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find some other things to do, to distract yourself of thinking like this… talk with friend.. even get drunk..LOL.. no matter what you do , just keep yourself busy and happy.. :cheers:
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A few pictures of me throughout the years.
At 25
At 30
Today
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well i will give you my advise on this im 24 i had only one serious relationship,it doesn't matter how many time you've been in a relationship what it means and worth is the people you get emotionally with. in gay scene looks does matter but its not everything trust me, me myself i see a lot of hot guys around me who's been single like for ever its about luck and finding the right person to be with, from what i see you're not a bad looking guy! you just need to change of your style like for example you can lose the glasses or change the style. fix your teeth, try to change of your hair style, start working out all of these will change of how you feel about yourself and your energy and i'm sure or actually i promise it will reflect and have a great change on your self-steem and the percentage of rejections. good luck
oh yeah and try to grow a beard -
What people don't realize is that I am okay with my style. To me it is comfortable. My glasses, not a lot can be done about that. I was born with cataracts in both of my eyes. I can get contacts, but I have in the past, and it is incredibly uncomfortable. Fixing my teeth costs thousands of dollars that I don't have. And well.. I can do something about the weight, but is 20 pounds honestly the reason why I have not had a date for the past 10 years?
Lets get real. A person should like me for me. If that is not the case, I can deal with the rejection. The fact that no one my type has been okay with me seems a bit odd.
Think about the magnitude you are talking about. "Fix this.." "Fix that..". Then I am no longer the person I actually am.
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Me with a beard a year ago.
I did a Stanley Cup series beard instead of a playoff beard, because my beard grows in too quickly (I'm a big hockey fan).
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There's more to you than just your looks (and honestly, you're probably a lot better looking than you think). There ARE people who will see that. I'm sorry you haven't found someone like that yet, but you will. There are 7 billion people in this world, not all of them are superficial.
