Gay Life 20 to 60+
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Hi peopleÂ
I'm telling my story, hoping some of you young guys will learn a thing or two as you get older. At 20, I went into the Air Force, knowing I was attracted to males. Really didn't do anything for those 4 years. I just looked for the ending, then finding a job.When I was 24, I took my first steps into a gay bar. I was nervous, but ok. In fact, the first guy I took up a conversation with, I spent 3 1/2 years with. The attraction, compatibility faded at the end. After that, I had a handful of what I would call relationships. My main problem was, getting involved BEFORE really knowing the person. I believe this is the biggest mistake we all have done sooner or later.
They drank too much. Couldn't hold a job. Drugs and on and on. By this time, I was well into my 40s. Guys, things change as you age. It could be anything from high blood pressure to nueropathy, both which hit me. This leads to prescriptions, which most older people take. I started loosing the desire to even venture out to any bars anymore.
I met a guy who was married and he would come over occasionally. After a few years of this, my conscious started to get to me. I knew my thinking was changing at this stage of my life. What I was doing was just not the right thing to do because he was married. Then I turned 50 and have been on my own ever since. I was no longer interested to try and find that "special" guy out there. Turning 64 next month, I know what lies ahead. And yes, it's my choice.
So, the best advice I can offer comes from a line in a movie I saw, "Used Cars". And that is, "Don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head." If you meet a great guy, don't assume anything. You must spend the time to get to know him. This doesn't happen in a week or two. And the most important question to ask yourself? Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this guy? I wish you all good luck in finding that someone special, but the reality is, it probably won't happen.
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Thanks for the advice,, love you
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Human at this late age should not have to lose hope in love, he suddenly happen and I do not speak of the vacuum has lived and Live experience love the elderly
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Just wrote a much-too-long narrative of unexpected true love appearing magically late in life, only to have the whole thing eaten. So the condensed version is that it happened to me, and that means it can happen to anyone.
An online dating site where I have a profile caught someone's eye and he sent a note calling me the hottest most beautiful man he had ever seen. Yeah, right. I have heard that before, usually from someone who introduces himself with "My dear," and who then refused to answer an questions as to why he things I am the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, me being three times his age and definitely not looking for a long-term partner who can barely read and write but who apparently thinks I would be a good meal ticket for someone a thousand miles away or even in a noncontiguous country.
Yet here was someone laying it on thick, asking nothing but whether he was too far away for me to bother with, me being a handsome, gorgeous, wise, genius and all, and him having nothing to offer but youth and muscles because he does not know anything and has nothing I could learn if I bothered to hang out with him. Well, at least he was specific in what he liked and why. And, cautiously (this was online after all– "On the Internet nobody knows you're a dog.") but as we talked about things, it turned out he really did not know that he would adorn any naked calendar, or that he was perfectly interesting and creative, intelligent, thoughtful, caring, able to write two consecutive sentences with subject/very agreement, and was otherwise of very great appeal.
Similarly, once I discovered he was not kidding either, and there were enough details and comments from both of us to show that our hard to believe remarks were entirely consistent and sincere, we began to notice that whole e-mail paragraphs from one or the other of us could have been written just as well by the other dude. Great agreement. Shared assumptions. And, in time, even better telephone conversations.
This was not what we expected or thought we wanted. My dating profile said I wanted sex and if that went well, there could be more, it could become regular, anything was possible. Not expected, not the point, but if it works, it works. Definitely not interested in LTR because at my age, there is not so much long-term to fuss about. Yet, without either of us DOing anything except proceeding directly but cautiously, checking and verifying and staying out of our own way, something serious was going on and we both knew it.
Very unlikely. And as it happened, given that we came from very different stages of our lives and very different experiences, what unfolded was very enlightening and unexpected. Not only were we compatible in many and unexpected ways, we were astonished to discover what sex is like when yr partner cares about you as deeply as you care about him. It wasn't even sex, it was two men making passionate love and opening new worlds for each other as partners, not tricks.
Neither of us had ever had a boyfriend before, neither expected to have one, neither of us seeking anything initially except maybe a one-timer frolic, the typical casual hook-up. LTR just came along for us to discover, not something we feel we had to work on. In the same way, it was evident that both of us always played safely. Some strangers have written asking for sex and insisting on BB, no condoms allowed. Yeah, that is going to happen. Who doesn't want to have sex with a stranger who won't practice safer sex and obviously does not care how I feel about that because I don't matter?
By the time we actually felt secure enough to meet in person, we had hashed out all manner of issues and had even reached the point of knowing we were already friends, to the point where if sex never happened, we would still be pleased to have the other as a central addition to our lives. As it happened, making love was a revelation for each of us.
I'm just here to tell you that if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. It sure as hell is not something either of us was looking for or ever imagined was even possible for two people, much less the two of us. And we are both secure in our lives, not in need of any relationship. Except the first and last serious relationship either of us expects to have while we both live.
In my 20s I was too ignorant, scared, insecure, confused to do much of anything with anyone. In my 30s, once I finally acknowledged to myself what I wanted and figured out how to get laid, things were better. And now, two of us are busy discovering parts of life we never believed were anything more than movie mush and silly love songs. Again, I insist, if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. And, apparently, at any age.
Thanks to shirfmosen for his comment, which these remarks are intended to reinforce.
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Thanks for sharing your story and please don't lose faith.
