Help. Very confused. First time
-
Hi,
There is this dude I know for over 3 to 4 months. Very early I already desired him. He have great body and very friendly. And now we are together. He in the other side only started to see me in a different way 2 months ago, he said I conquered him slowly.
So happy forever? No. Its my first time and I'm old (cough 30). And he is 26 I guess and also new at this stuff. So we had a kiss and I didnt like. Its like he put his entire tongue inside my mouth, like a drunk lizard running from the rain. So since I also know nothing I searched some videos on the internet to learn and told him we could do this and that, and he was ok and also saw etc, and it improved, but still blah
Then we chat everyday and after we discover that each other were gay we started more deep talks and more free of course and we would only see each other in 3 days. So we made plans to make sex etc. So during the weekend my dick was hard 24/7 and drooling. I was hot all the time and chatting with him, and he as well. So the day we meet arrived and we could only make out a bit in the car. Again the kiss bad, he hurts my lips with his bear. And then next day sex. Very hot, eager for it etc. Dick sucking good but not wow. I enjoy more watching porn videos :S I was also the one that had to lead everything which is a turn off for me. My dick wasnt so hard, I dont know what happened cause over chat it was exploding. And then he came fast and I didnt. Took hours for me to do, and he was like: why? u dont like me? u dont feel relaxed with me? why dont u cum? I worry. Putting more pressure.
So I'm very confused. How can it be not hot for me to be finally with a guy and also one that I think its hot and desired for months before? I'm very decided in life, 100% gay, I don't understand. I thought that I would cum in 1 minute of a blow job and just didnt. I also tried to be more kinky, order him to lick my balls, slap my dick on his face, made him gag, made him chase my dick with the mouth. Just nothing. Hot but not enough. :afr:
I also enjoyed being side by side with him, talking, just hugging etc. But I don't feel any love while he wants to stay with me forever and never leave. And talk all the time and plan trips :S
I know I'm not assexual. I come very fast watching porn, so why is so disappointing? And while for me was disappointing for him was the best thing that ever happened. what a fuck!
-
Might be the fact that since you wanted him so bad now that you have him u fail to appreciate it…
about the other things try not to concentrate so much on the end result and simply let go and feel good with the person u wanted to much in the past.. after all its the same person is it not? or has he changed that much in that short time?
-
I would say that watching porn and having sex, while they end with a similar result (getting your rocks off) are quite different, and it takes some time to get used to. Watching porn is almost all in your head… Imagining scenarios, etc... Where as having sex with someone is much more about being there with the person and in the moment, exploring their body while they explore yours. I find that I get just as turned on by giving someone else pleasure as I do with someone else giving me pleasure, but that's just me. I started out by essentially just lying there and letting others 'do the work' to me, hah. It's all about what you feel comfortable with.
I wouldn't fret if your first few times are a bit uncomfortable. You are figuring out what you like/don't like. For instance, I find a hand job while someone is licking on my nipples more pleasurable than a blow job. Not everyone likes the same stuff.
Overall, keep exploring with him! And the number one rule I've found in sex is to tell the other person what feels good and/or give suggestions. This makes it MUCH more pleasurable for both people.
-
Ok thanks for the suggestions. I will keep trying, as today I saw him again and my underwear was wet. But I did talk to him about it, and he was very understanding.
And no, he did not change since we meet. I think another problem is that he is extremely romantic. Like a guy that came out of a romantic novel book. He declares himself, say he wants to be with me forever and want to plan trips and say that I'm extremely important in his life. Too fast, too soon, no?
I believe that its necessary some kind of mystery, fear and doubts to have passion.
-
I think you imagined him as the man who could satisfy all your desires, just like when we watch porn. You've fantasized with him, as he was "the" one for you. As you said, conversation is nice, his appearance too, but guess what… he isn't all you've imagined. When the kiss isn't all right, sex tends to be more disappointing. We say in Brazil, when one person matches with you exactly in bed, it's a "skin thing", means you both do exactly what the other wants to be done. Most people who matches in bed issues are like water and oil when it comes to interests out of sex. What I'm trying to say is that he maybe is not right for your sex purposes. If you don't like, you should avoid him, otherwise he'll be harmed and you'll feel awful. Believe me, it happened to me several times, and the outcomes were a disaster. Passion has to be equal, both sides. Sorry for any mistakes, writing in English is not my strong skill. And good luck.
-
A couple of things that I caught were:
One, him pressuring you when you aren't cumming is not a good thing. Just because you last a while longer doesn't mean that there is an issue. That pressure just makes it more difficult, at least for me it is.
Also, just because you aren't having fun with the things you have done does not mean it will not get better. The first time is always awkward and confusing especially in your case being somewhat older. You have seen all this porn that makes things look so simple, when it actually isn't. You need to take time and talk with your partner. Find what turns him on and what turns you on and sometimes, for example me, what turns him on turns you on meaning when your partner is turned on it turns you on. Just try new things until you find what you like. Good luck.
-
Just relax and enjoy all things you like with him. For the first few times it might not be alright, but it will be by time. Experience plays an important role in relationships, and you both are not experienced.
Try to do things you like in porn with him, but only if he likes to! Also if he likes thing in particular and you don't mind them try doing it, as pleasing him should gives you pleasure as well.
Not many guys like the tongue thing while kissing. It's not a big deal, but if he likes it and you don't then it might be a problem as it happens to me as I like it and some guys I met didn't and it was a bit of turn off. However, after foreplay is over and kissing is mostly finished, it should not be a problem and you shall enjoy the rest
Best of Luck.
-
The thing is, you used to watch porn, and watching porn makes you become selfish, you can please yourself without other help. I think you should stop watching porn for a while, and don't over fantasize what would you do with him. Go with the flow. You've found a great man, please hold on to him
