Is gay marriage extremely important to you?
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I wanted to know if any of you guys out there take gay marriage serious? I'm gay myself, but I think I don't need marriage to prove my love and commitment to another guy. If I had a partner and we both knew that we were spending the rest of our lives together, why go through the trouble of getting a marriage license or having a ceremony? What's your opinion on this?
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Of course it's extremely important.
In the US, there are 14,000 {city, county, state and Federal} rights and privileges for being married. These include hospital visitation, survivor benefits from social security, work pensions, and the list goes on and on and on.
Then of course you have the non government rights and privileges. All forms of insurance have lower premiums for married people.
There is also the issue of international laws. These allow immigration and other benefits.
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yeah, what raphjd said.
it's not just about the whole antiquated mating ritual thing but the legalities/perks/rights/privileges that comes along with it.
it's about being equal with straight people when it comes to these things.
we pay the same taxes, we suffer the same punishments when we commit mistakes/errors/crimes, etc. - why shouldn't we enjoy the same perks?
i, myself, am not big on the whole marriage ceremony thinggy but i would want all the perks the straight people are enjoying according to law!
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I wanted to know if any of you guys out there take gay marriage serious? I'm gay myself, but I think I don't need marriage to prove my love and commitment to another guy. If I had a partner and we both knew that we were spending the rest of our lives together, why go through the trouble of getting a marriage license or having a ceremony? What's your opinion on this?
There are two distinct questions here:
1) Should same-sex marriage be legal? Absolutely. Brother Raphjd identified the practical benefits. Even more important, from a moral standpoint, there needs to be full equality for all people regardless of their gender or orientation, as Brother Juancho stated.
2) Would I, myself, choose to exercise the right to marry? Hmmm, I don't know. I've been single for so long, it's hard for me to even consider it.
But, it's extremely important to separate the "what would I want to do" question from the "what should be legal" question. Even if I don't foresee myself getting married, I want very much to have the right. I refuse to be considered a second-class citizen.
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I understand where everyone's coming from on this, but I think the point that's being missed is that GLBT individuals/couples should not have to resort to getting a marriage license in order to be treated fairly and given the same perks and benefits as straight people. Besides, even if 2 gay people do get married, it does not mean society will change it's harsh attitudes or stop plotting to make life worse for the GLBT community. Don't get me wrong, marriage is a great thing and if you decide on it, I wish you best of luck. My only point is that we should be fighting for equality without having to resort to marriage as a means of gaining equality.
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I understand where everyone's coming from on this, but I think the point that's being missed is that GLBT individuals/couples should not have to resort to getting a marriage license in order to be treated fairly and given the same perks and benefits as straight people.
No government is going to abolish marriage and those rights/privileges are directly linked to marriage.
Besides, even if 2 gay people do get married, it does not mean society will change it's harsh attitudes or stop plotting to make life worse for the GLBT community.
Maybe that's true. However, with all the brainwashing heteros have had for the last 2,000 years telling them we are nothing but sleazy whores, gay marriage might change their minds.
A lot of supposedly open minded heteros are shocked when they find out how long my partner and I have been together. Ok, they still tend not to believe we are monogamous.
My only point is that we should be fighting for equality without having to resort to marriage as a means of gaining equality.
How do you propose we go about fighting for rights that have a long history of being part of marriage, without fighting for gay marriage?
I see a few problems with your idea;
1. Heteros will rightly say that we are trying to destroy marriage if we say that those rights shouldn't be attached to marriage.
2. Heteros will claim that we want special rights, because we want the rights without marriage attached.
3. It will reinforce the stereotype of gays being sleazy whores and then the heteros will question whether we deserve these rights/privileges.
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I dont think the word marriage is important since it for the church but what I want is the rights given to those that are married. I would prefer that the government uses a different word for legal rights of two people that come together. A simple fix would be to change all government and legal documents that are for married couples and change the word to Unionized and that any couple could get unionized by the government and if a couple then want to be married by a church and have the whole service its up to them and their church.
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Yes, marriage is important, not sure I need the name "marriage", but being able to "marry" the person you love is really important… I'm in a civil partnership, and that's enough for me, but I can understand why some people want/need the word "marriage" instead of civil partnership.
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Why did blacks get upset about riding at the back of the bus? After all, they got to ride the bus.
Separate but equal, is never truly equal.
A good example is the UK's civil partnership laws. Things are same in some respects, but are similar in many others and in some cases not there at all. If they included us into the marriage laws, then we'd be truly equal.
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Of course it's extremely important.
In the US, there are 14,000 {city, county, state and Federal} rights and privileges for being married. These include hospital visitation, survivor benefits from social security, work pensions, and the list goes on and on and on.
Then of course you have the non government rights and privileges. All forms of insurance have lower premiums for married people.
There is also the issue of international laws. These allow immigration and other benefits.
I couldn't agree more… it's not about wanting to get married or not, it's about having equal rights!
And despite what people want to make us believe, it's not a religious issue, but a legal issue... separation of church and state anyone? KTHXBYE -
I agree that we should have the same as hetero in every field including marriage. However, I personally don't believe in marriage and would prefer de-facto.
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Important? Not really. I am generally against the idea of marriage for anyone, gay or straight. That's the personal.
As to the political / legal side of the issue, I struggle with it. I guess it depends on how one defines "rights" in this context. I have the right to marry a woman (don't want to) just like a straight man, and he cannot marry another man just like me, so we are "equal" in the sense that society has limited our options the same. If the right is more abstract – the right to marry whomever one chooses, and have that recognized by the state -- well, then we are not equal. BUT, defined in that manner, I cannot see how we can deny other freely-chosen relationships, like polygamy. I have seen so many gay-marriage activists say that that is completely different. But if we can question the gender requirements of the marriage definition, why not the number of participants? Isn't that just another alternate lifestyle? And if we start opening up that can, then there is a destruction of marriage in a sense.
I know this won't happen, but my preference would be to take the government out of the "marriage" business altogether. Why should any pair or trio or quadruple of people get special privileges over others, just for professing some affection for one another? If I and my platonic roommate share expenses and buy some property together as an investment, why should my taxes be different than another pair of people who have sex together? Marriage isn't just unfair for gays/lesbians, its unfair to straights who don't want to be married as well.
I apologize in advance for getting a little off topic.
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But if we can question the gender requirements of the marriage definition, why not the number of participants? Isn't that just another alternate lifestyle? And if we start opening up that can, then there is a destruction of marriage in a sense.
Heteros have been changing the definition of marriage throughout history.
Incestuous marriage used to be legal. Polygamy used to be legal. Interracial marriage used to be illegal. A Roman Emperor married his horse, which was legal under their laws at the time. An Egyptian queen married her cat {was that a lesbian marriage, as it had 2 pussies in it
}.Also, there has been gay marriage throughout history. It's only that last few hundred years that it became frowned upon.
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There are two things that some people need to think about.
First, there's nothing keeping gay people from getting married. I know many men who are both gay and married, many of whom are also now divorced or in the process. The only thing, a lot of the world discriminates on the basis of sex, that one person in a marriage can't be the same sex as the other. That's not a gay/straight thing, but a matter of gender discrimination.
Before people start telling me that I'm crazy (again :-), let me put out a statement:
I'm looking for a _____ to be _____.
When you start filling in the second blank, with things like "my gardener", "my secretary", "my lawyer", "my doctor" and so on, lots of people will get upset if you put "man" or "woman", or anything other than "person" in the first blank. Indeed, in many countries, it is illegal to discriminate on the basis of gender, ethnic origin, religion, or any of many other factors.
If I were to say that I wanted a blue to be my tenant, I would either be laughed at, forced to change my statement, or sued for discrimination on the basis of color. The same thing holds if I put a gender in there. Heck, the same can apply if I put just about anything in there.
The only form where it's considered acceptable is when the second blank is "my spouse". Then, the only universally-accepted content for the first blank is gender that is not my own. To me, this is blatant discrimination, either for or against those who are of a gender that is not my own, and the important words that are already covered in non-discrimination law are GENDER DISCRIMINATION.
The other thing that should be a consideration is that in many areas, there is something called "common-law marriage" where the people involved don't go out and have a ceremony, license, judge, or any of the other stuff, but are considered married if they have been living together for long enough. I don't think it carries all of the normal rights/privileges of a "real" marriage, but this is where the people who are talking about the destruction of marriage should really be looking.
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But if we can question the gender requirements of the marriage definition, why not the number of participants? Isn't that just another alternate lifestyle? And if we start opening up that can, then there is a destruction of marriage in a sense.
Heteros have been changing the definition of marriage throughout history.
Incestuous marriage used to be legal. Polygamy used to be legal. Interracial marriage used to be illegal. A Roman Emperor married his horse, which was legal under their laws at the time. An Egyptian queen married her cat {was that a lesbian marriage, as it had 2 pussies in it
}.Also, there has been gay marriage throughout history. It's only that last few hundred years that it became frowned upon.
I don't deny that marriage has been defined differently over different times and cultures. The issue here is gay marriage in the 21st century, under the legal and societal structure of the west (especially America, where the issue is especially contentious).
There is a compelling case for gay marriage. But it seems that the logic of the case would cause us to expand into other relationships as well. As a persecuted minority, gays are usually more sympathetic to other lifestyles that fall outside the mainstream. Polygamy is one such lifestyle. But because that is usually associated with religious fundamentalism, esp. Mormons, we deny the logical link.
I return to my larger point. The problem is not that gays need marriage to secure more rights, it is that too many rights/privileges are given to married couples in the first place.
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I'll zombie this post too. Who cares if I zombie? I know I don't! Anyhow just the elaborate ceremony and vows are really beautiful. Is it the most important thing? No. But it should be one of those milestones in your life where you get everybody you love dearly together in order to celebrate the momentous occasion.
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For those who aren't getting it, let's look up at the sky. Isn't that a pretty color?
Blu…. wait, I'm gay, and the straight people say I can't use that 4-letter word for the color of the sky. So, either I fight for my right to use that word, or I have to make do with something else, like, oh, let's say light cyan.
So, while the straight people can get a light cyan tie if they want, why should they have the right to say I can't get a bl_e one. If I'm restricted from using bl_e, then my police car can't have a bl_e light on it, and people are not legally compelled to pull over for a flashing red and light cyan light... just like the hospital staff are not legally compelled to allow me to see my non-married, non-shared-ancestor-related partner.
If it sounds stupid to you, that's because it is.
The point I'm trying to make is that the M-word (and it's variations) are already imbedded in law, and rather than change all the laws to add something else to the M-word, why not just use a good word that's already in all the right places?
Phrases like civil unions and domestic partnerships have as much meaning to the average person on the street as "the number exactly between two and four". If you can say three, then I should be able to say three too, and by not allowing me to use marriage to refer to my binding contract with my significant other, it's forcing me to use a longer, more convoluted and confusing phrase that is not yet in the law books in all the places where it matters.
Sure, there is a good case for saying that the M-benefits packages are way too large and unfair, but when was the last time you saw people fighting to reduce their rights and privileges? It's much less likely to happen than to extend rights to others. It wasn't that long ago that many places said you couldn't get married if you were of a different ethnic background… just try and force that genie back in the bottle, and see what you get called! Oh, and before someone calls me a racist, I'll admit it, I have a bias towards the human race, and those darned dolphins can go fight for their marriage rights somewhere else, after they start paying taxes on all that fish.
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Sorry to bust everyones bubble but there is no such thing as equal rights! Regardless of the law people will always carry a prejudice…ALWAYS. I am black american and guess what, I am proud of that fact but it has not been leverage to grant me any added rights. US law says I cannot be denied a job due to race or gender but I have yet to land a job as a stripper at the local titty bar(strip club). On the flip side of the coin, how many hot women have you seen working a pole at a local gay bar??? None(I hope) ;D So does that mean we as a gay community are prejudice against hetro women stripping for us...YES! Laws will never change a perspns perception of any group of people. There are some benefits to having marriage associated with our commitment to our partner but there are also many burdens to. Additional "marriage" tax, Bankrupcy law, Finanical obligation to pay off estate if our husband dies, etc. Our new "open minded" President(Obama) isn't going to help either if some of his policy ambitions become law. We are making great strides towards "equality" but anger, resentment and hate will only get us so far. As for me, I don't really mind it one way or the other. For those of you who do, I hope you get the benefits and recognition you so rightfully desire.
Kisses
Brandon -
It's VERY important. It is 100% necessary before gays and straights can truly be considered equal. (I've been married to my husband for about a year and a half now.)
Sorry to bust everyones bubble but there is no such thing as equal rights! Regardless of the law people will always carry a prejudice…ALWAYS.
What does that have to do with rights?
I am black american and guess what, I am proud of that fact but it has not been leverage to grant me any added rights. US law says I cannot be denied a job due to race or gender but I have yet to land a job as a stripper at the local titty bar(strip club).
That's because you aren't qualified.
On the flip side of the coin, how many hot women have you seen working a pole at a local gay bar??? None(I hope) ;D So does that mean we as a gay community are prejudice against hetro women stripping for us…YES! Laws will never change a perspns perception of any group of people.
And women aren't qualified to be male strippers. And neither of these points have anything to do with same sex marriage.
There are some benefits to having marriage associated with our commitment to our partner but there are also many burdens to. Additional "marriage" tax, Bankrupcy law, Finanical obligation to pay off estate if our husband dies, etc.
Marriage comes with responsibility. News at 11.
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I rest my case! Anger and ignorance are our enemies on this issue.
What does that have to do with rights?
It has to do with equal rights…but if you are not black living in America(which you are not) you wouldn't understand the stigma still attached to a skin color(gay or not).
That's because you aren't qualified.
There is now law that says you have to be a woman to work at a strip club!
And women aren't qualified to be male strippers. And neither of these points have anything to do with same sex marriage.
Again no rule against it. What this has to do with gay marriage is that there is no law keeping gays from being "married"(in America at least), There's just no law to ensure it.
I believe if we are to be treated equally we as the gay community have to change the perception that all we are is a bunch on horny men looking for sex where we can get it. I mean, look at the site we are discussing this on…A gay porn torrent tracker. I am an eternally horny man so I may not be helping our cause. ;D I am also bisexual so I am in no way qualified to come anywhere near understanding the full scope of the desire of gay marriage totally. If I have offended anyone with my view please understand, its just that...my view. I in no way represent anyone else(mod or otherwise)on this tracker.
Roto13 you missed a quote of mine... the mose important one.
@cumeaternc:For those of you who do, I hope you get the benefits and recognition you so rightfully desire.
