The guide to your straight crush: Is he gay?

martin526

There are a lot of "Is he gay?" stories ever since I came to the forum… I figured I'd make this guide for people to cut to the chase instead of making a thread and wasting their times until they do what they knew they should since the beginning. So here's the guide to finding out if you have a chance to get with the straight friend you have a crush on. Let me know if there's anything that needs to be added and I'll be happy to edit.

PS: if this guy is already your best friend or something of the sort, or if you're already out of the closet, there's a lot of stuff here that could be skipped. This is VERY general. It does not serve everyone and it's not enough for every situation. If you want more reassurance with your case or if you have any questions, you can leave a message here or send a PM or something. There are so many great people in this forum willing to help you, so don't get shy.

I like my straight friend. What now?
So you realized you're crushing on your straight friend, or a straight guy. But you're still in the closet, and you have no idea of his sexuality. You're feeling stuck, right? And you can't figure out what to do to get through this, or maybe make advances. Now, if you want to change something here, you have to make a commitment. You might need to expose yourself to this person, you might need to break out of your shell, you will be out of your comfort zone. If you're willing to do that, then let's begin.

A) Listing out the signs
The first thing you should do (and you probably already pay attention to this) is see how this guy behaves. How is he around you? How is he with his friends? Does he comment on girls? Has he dated one? How touchy is he with you and other guys? Have you had intense closeness episodes with him? Does he act more feminine than usual? Just grab a piece of paper and write everything down that keeps you hopeful. Then list out everything that frustrates you. You have to weigh everything out. And know that smacking other guys' ass is as much of a sign of gayness as having a girlfriend. You have to be realistic about this. Also learn that even if everything points in the right direction, it's still not that relevant or a confirmation. It just gives you the boost to move forward.

B) Striking a conversation
Is this dude your friend already? If he is, go straight to C. If not, now is the time you start getting closer to him. Hang out with people that know him and don't lose an opportunity to get in a conversation with him. If he's at your classes at school, ask for his notes or something, just anything you can do (being subtle, of course) to get to know him better. If you don't know a person, you can't get with them. So, become his friend. I can't help you here, and neither can anyone in this forum. It's completely up to you.

C) How he feels about us gays
Now that you assessed this guy's mannerisms and general behavior, you have to know how he feels about gay people. If you're close to him, that shouldn't be too hard, it's not something so weird to ask or to direct a conversation to. If it's just an acquaintance or a friend of a friend, then you have to get closer first.

Now, if he's not very comfortable with gay people, be it his religion or his convictions, this is where you lay off. He could still be gay, of course, but this is a kind of denial you shouldn't be messing with. Even if you got to make out with him person once, it could be a very problematic situation afterwards. He might not be ready, or he might just be a straight person still not used to the homosexual factor being part of his life. That's when you give up and move on.

If your guy responded well about gay people, then we can continue our quest.

Comes the time in every man's life where he owns up to his actions and feelings
You're closer to your crush, you know he's okay with you being gay and you're confident there's a chance. Let's move forward. Things will get riskier and harder as you proceed, but it might also be the happy ending you're looking for. It's time to come out.

A) Jumping out of the closet
It's a tricky moment for everyone. I know because I was there, like many of us. Coming out is never easy, we're not at a generation that allows anyone to tell this to their family and friends just like you can say "I don't like eating mangos". It's something people who aren't like us tend not to understand. But you like your friend, so you need to do this if you want a chance. You just need to.

B) Is he close enough to know?
If you have a random classmate that you hang out with occasionally, would that be someone you'd trust this secret with? No, right? So take some time to consider: is this guy already close enough to you that it wouldn't be strange that you trusted HIM with this before anyone? If so, proceed. If not, work your magic and get closer to him. You gotta become good buddies for him to not find it weird when you tell him, out of all people.

C) The right moment
There is never a right time to do things. People who keep thinking "I'll wait for the right moment" just stand still. You have to come out whenever you get a good chance. And that doesn't mean the moment where you're less worried and your heart beats slower, it means you gotta find a moment alone with him to push him against the wall and say "I need to tell you something. It's really important to me, and I felt like I could trust you with this. Can you keep this between us? Would you be friends with me no matter what?"

Wait for his reaction and tell him you're gay. Since he's okay with it (we checked that at 1C), it's not likely that he will lash out or be weird with you. But this varies. There are some people that say they're okay with the whole thing and yet they're not prepared to have a good friend who's actually gay. Be prepared for bad outcomes. And if they come, here's where you stop. You've lost this one. But don't worry, as people say, there's so many fucking fish in the sea. You have no idea. I promise you.

If he smiled, that's a very good sign, so put a pin on that. If he just shrugged it off and took you in, no matter what, hey, that's awesome! If you don't get a boyfriend, you've at least gotten a good friend to be with. This is already a good outcome, right?

He needs to know
You're finally out to your friend. He knows about you, and he's accepted you anyway. That's great! Now, before you start #3, you should give things some time. Maybe even a month. Get used to the new dynamic between you and this kid. Things aren't going to be the same, even if the changes are minimal. Get a feeling of how differently he treats you now that he knows you like cock, and that will tell you a lot about what your chances are. And at this point, it might even be so that you're already getting a chance! If he's gay and into you, he's probably already thinking of how he's going to ask you out. That's why time is important. But, if nothing happens and you still think he could be gay...

A) The risk of confessing your heart
Your guy has not done anything yet. What a scared kid, huh? Or a straight guy really just oblivious about everything. Are you still sure this could turn into something? Did you take some time to revisit this whole period and be sure you're not fooling yourself with this? Maybe the good friendship you created is enough, no? If you want to tell him after all this, you have to know and be prepared that things could turn out very badly. You could lose this person and even worse could happen. Every person deals with these things differently, so he might even out you to the whole school, or stuff like that.

B) I want to tell him. I need to tell him!
Then tell him. It's pretty much the same as coming out. If he likes you, he'll respond, or maybe he won't at that moment but will later. If he doesn't, then this is it. He might just say he's not interested and stay friends with you, he might pull away from you, he might screw you up. Take your chances.

I wish everyone the best of luck in your future relationships and crushes. I know how it feels to like someone you're not sure about, and I know it hurts sometimes. But take some action! Something good might come out of it. There have been a lot of successful stories on this forum, but be aware that most of the "is he gay?" threads end at failures and frustrations. The odds are not in your favor. But it deserves a try. So... try!

nickys1177

but maybe after he is not totally straight just manly to act but can be gay at time

Waldo1215

There is a guy that works at the Subway across the street from my workplace, I go there every Saturday to buy cookies, he always seems to get a great mood when I come in(been going in there for about 5-6 months), the other day he asked me if I wanted to sit down with him while I eat my cookies(I said no since my brake is only about 10 mins and if things go a bit differently than I think then it will end up being a 30 minute brake). What are your thoughts on that?

Zeitgeist

@Waldo1215:

There is a guy that works at the Subway across the street from my workplace, I go there every Saturday to buy cookies, he always seems to get a great mood when I come in(been going in there for about 5-6 months), the other day he asked me if I wanted to sit down with him while I eat my cookies(I said no since my brake is only about 10 mins and if things go a bit differently than I think then it will end up being a 30 minute brake). What are your thoughts on that?

I wouldn't look for anything more than friendship tbh. Start with a friendship, and see how he feels about gay guys.