Need advice. Grindr guy post breakup
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I met a guy on grindr, we met at my place. The first time was sex with a little bit of get to knowing each other. The second time we met for sex, but by his initiative, we ended up talking about his breakup with his boyfriend, meanwhile I asked him to at least jerk me off and give me a bj in between - he agreed.
I decided to listen to his troubles rather than focusing on the sex. I don't know this guy personally, and tbh, I don't care for him (why would I) as I don't know him. I just want the sex, you know?
Now, a few months later, we talk and he still hasn't gotten over his breakup understandably. He wants to meet again and talk about his feelings. I told him we can meet again, hopefully expecting a bit of fun. All that being said, I am not forcing myself to talk to him, he's a nice guy overall.
It seems to me that he meets with me because of his mental state rather then wanting to hook up with someone. I haven't decided what I want to do in this situation. I can continue to meet with him and just talk, I can tell him that I want sexual activity while we talk (he will agree to that) or I can tell him that what he is doing isn't healthy for him
In some manner, it feels as if I am taking advantage of him, even though he initiates all the meetings
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Sex while talking about someone's break-up sounds terrible tbh...
There is nothing selfish about clearly communicating what you are looking for. If anything it's more selfish to dump your personal problems on random people you are meeting for a hookup. He's just looking for a listening ear in the wrong place...
Personally my compassionate / constructive way to deal with the situation would be to tell him this:
If you want to move on, I can help you do that. By taking your mind off it and replacing old memories with new ones. But you gotta focus on the guy sitting in front of you. If you keep your ex alive in your thoughts by constantly thinking and talking about him then you're just keeping yourself trapped in the misery and preventing it from becoming a thing of the past.
If you don't want to move on, that's fine too. But I'm not going to help you keep it alive, because I don't want that and I know this isn't helping you either. When you're ready to try putting it behind you, or want a distraction to stop you from thinking about it, my door is open.
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I had a similar case but I was the hookup, it started all just nice, after the sex dude started talking about past romances, I honestly don't know why people do this. I thought it was bad enough but then he started to teach me about League of Legends out of absolutely nowhere.
Just like you, I don't actually care, but I do my best to listen, but in my case it was a oner, while with you things seem to be developing a pattern, exchanging sex for emotional support, if anyone is using the other it is happening mutually.
Even though you don't particularly care for his problems, if you're at least somewhat of a nice person, you'll be interested in not help making his problems worse by taking part in his harmful behavior.
You could simply ask why he is on Grindr when he clearly has not got over his ex. Maybe he thinks this is what he needs to overcome it, or maybe he just wants the sex as he works on it somewhere else. Probably he didn't even put much thought to it.
