What Should I do?
-
I'm 26 years old, my partner is 51 years old and we've been dating for 5 years now and living together for 2 years. I always have been strictly attracted for big guys, I met him online and he was weighting +330lbs and since we started living together he joined (without talking to me) some sort of therapy to lose some weight because he was having a lot of health issues, high blood pressure, diabetes and etc… Fair enough. I love to see he ditched all the medicines he was taking, trust me, it was A LOT! Now he got all the lifestyle he never had and now he’s all about running, exercises, buying new clothes and stuff, getting a huge amount of happiness.
But, the problem (for me) is that he lost +170lbs! Ironically he’s skinnier than me (211lbs) and sadly I lost all the desire I once had for him. Actually he became a huge turn off with all that skinny belly, hand and face… It’s been 3 months now that we don’t have sex, I keep finding excuses because I’m tired of finding ways to get hard with him when we are going to have sex, I need to concentrate and think about chubby guys and everything, it’s so lame and shameful…
I need some sort of advice, I love him more than anything else, he’s so caring, kind and passionate about me, he’s the boyfriend/husband everyone ever wanted, but I need to get rid of this big huge white elephant inside this room.
Thanks! -
I feel you, but I have to say that your options are limited.
Theoretically, one of the success keys in a relationship is honesty and communication. Considering this, you should probably talk to him and try together to find a common accepted solution… I know this is hard... I am not an alien. But this is the right thing to do, cause in a relationship you don't take decisions by yourself, but you decide with your partner.
Someone would respond: Ok, let him talk to his partner, but what could they do about it? What difference it would make? Well, as I said in the start, your options are limited.
One option would be to continue as friends, another option to change the relationship type to an open relationship. Terrible choices if you ask me, because I don't think it's easy if you love someone and share your life with him to end the relationship.. But there are no miracle solutions, is it possible that he would earn some weight again?
Anyway, I wish you the best, and sorry for not being of much help.
-
Before you read my piece, please take no offense in what I'm going to say
Are you referring to your partner as "White Elephant" ? If you truly love him, then you must accept all the "good" changes about him physically. What is wrong in staying healthy and thus prolong his longevity?
Would you rather see him "big" but with so many illnesses or fit so that he can be with you for a long time?
It seems that you only love him just as long as he is "big"…...
-
Would you find him sexually attractive again if he became big through muscle growth ? If he's really finding happiness in losing a lot of weight through what sounds like heavy cardio work how about you start down the gym and ask him to join you on a program of weight resistance and muscle growth which is possible at his age. Get some advice from gym instructors as he'd probably need supplementation to assist muscle growth aong the lines of BCAA/Protein. Do some reasearch for him and maybe try stuff out yourself that he can see is working for you (which should happen faster as you're younger than him). As it sounds like his cardio-vascular system is in much better shape nowadays he'd respond well to muscle growth stimulus which would also support his health in the years ahead. That way he'd feel fantastic and you'd get your BIG MAN back complete with the relationship being on a better level while losing nothing (except the things that were risking his health and happiness).
What do you think ?
-
Relationships will only work if one accepts the other for who they are, and not because of the way they look, or behave, and vice versa. Marriage, Friendship, etc. that how it works.
You may have to kiss your man goodbye, because for me, it feels like you're done. But there still are many doors for you because you're young.
But, try to understand his drive to change his body image first, because you may learn why. Your relationship with him may evolve into a strong friendship, and trust me, it works too.
Good luck!
K
-
Relationships will only work if one accepts the other for who they are, and not because of the way they look, or behave, and vice versa. Marriage, Friendship, etc. that how it works.
..
K
I would totally agree with that..
:love:
