I Think I Will Die Alone
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Yeah,
I'm going to be real with you.
Focusing on you're looks is not everything but it will help massively. The thing is that most of the change will be internal and as you feel more comfortable and confident it will show.So yes, I am going to say spend the energy on looks but do it for yourself.
Start first with fitness and health. You will feel like a new person, I guarantee it.yes, get the contacts (I'm sure you will find some comfortable ones eventually) or laser eye. Or some glasses that don't have the "magnfy effect"
and yes sort out the teeth (that maybe more of a long term goal but it should be on the cards.)The
gayworld is crazily visual.
If you do take my advice the first thing I will say is not to go to a gym witha goal of looking better. That shit rarely works. Train like an athelete. Book and pay for a run/ obstacle course with plenty of time (4-5 months) the goal is then to get your body ready for the challenge then.
The changes will be a side affect. -
In other words I'm fucked unless I spend thousands of dollars that I don't have.
I might as well just kill myself. You know.. I obviously don't mean anything to any guy now, so it's not like they will miss me. They can go on dating and loving all the people they would even with me here.
I'm not being literal. I'm just saying that I might as well. What's the point? I'm not good enough as I am, yet most people can just be themselves and get dates. You are telling me to be something I am naturally not. That's fucked up.
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You look cute to me. And the top of this video looks like a trasgo and is fucking a really beautiful guy: https://www.gaytorrent.ru/details.php?id=ec3884596f2176c45e073a10737251be48eeca610c1c35cf
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Have more optimism and confidence my friend… from the way you are typing, I feel your pain, but I will not allow you to dwell and bring urself down any further. Move on, adapt, and find joy in the things or thoughts that don't give you such a hard time
Perhaps, learn to love urself first?I totally feel yah' and I'm rooting for your success!!
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HI guy, I was born with cataractas in both eyes too. Now I have intraocular lentilles and my glasses are thin. My visión is better. You can´t operate your eyes?
In my experience. You have to improve your self esteem. You have to love yourself. Gay people in gay scene are very superficial. If you want a superficial partner, go to gym, to hairdressed, etc… If you want a guy who stay with you, I think is better to go yo LGB associations, for example
Sorry for my English
HUGS -
**Self esteem is the key!!
;)**
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In other words I'm fucked unless I spend thousands of dollars that I don't have.
I might as well just kill myself. You know.. I obviously don't mean anything to any guy now, so it's not like they will miss me. They can go on dating and loving all the people they would even with me here.
I'm not being literal. I'm just saying that I might as well. What's the point? I'm not good enough as I am, yet most people can just be themselves and get dates. You are telling me to be something I am naturally not. That's fucked up.
No. I'm not saying anything like that.
I will give a bit of an explanation based on myself. I'm okay looking- not runway model but decent enough that I am not nervous. I recently got into pretty decent shape. It was an unintentional side effect of training towards an obstacle course.
I never imagined I would be a guy that people would describe as gym rat. It still feels bizarre but the thing is I am still me.
"changing who you are"- That is complete nonsense. If you gain 1kg you willl still be insert name the same counts if you loose 5kg.You shouldn't be so bothered by being alone. I am alone atm and will probably remain so for the next two years. I am not bothered in the slightest and neither should you be.
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There is quite a bit of a misunderstanding here. Do I personally like how I look? I don't at all. The reason being isn't due to esteem as much as it is due to me not feeling attractive.
Lets examine that for a moment.
I feel that I am an intelligent guy, who not only has a lot to say about the world, but despite all the rejection I have had in my life, I have quite a lot that I can contribute. I can carry conversation on a wide range of topics from music, sports, life events, some psychology, etc. I even have the ability to take on a creative outlook, which makes me a lot of times unique compared to other people.
My physical presence is where the problem is. I hate the fact that I am hairy. I hate the fact that I was born with the visual disability. I hate that my teeth aren't in the best shape, And yeah.. I dislike that I am a few pounds heavier than I should be, but it really isn't something that is a main concern of mine.
The bottom line is : I like myself if it weren't for the fact that I look like what I do, and not like the people I find attractive. Now, I'm not trying to make excuses, or even put blame on others, but I almost think this isn't my fault. Over the years I have been rejected by guys so much, and see that those I want to be with only flock to others that look exactly like them, that I almost feel like I need to be that cute, smooth, younger twink to look good. Obviously that is not reality, but in my universe no guy has ever thrown me a bone. No one has shown me that someone I am physically attracted to CAN find me physically attractive.
I am 32 years old. No change is going to make me look the way that these guys do. And if that was an option, it would be so altering that I would no longer be me. I would be shaved down, plastic, and almost awkward. So what am I supposed to think? You cannot tell me that I should be okay with being single, just because most of you are okay with it. You have had sex before. You have had relationships. I have not. I'm sorry.. there is a completely different feeling involved. And when you are getting older and uglier, while those you are attracted to are staying younger and cute, the chances of a healthy relationship becomes more and more unobtainable.
I have to start thinking "either I commit suicide or find a way to accept that I'll never be in love". Two very dramatic things that are somewhat reality, because if no guy is going to give me a chance, how would I know any different?
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Everyone dies alone, that's to begin with. And if you think getting laid or finding romance is difficult now, well, Andrew Marvell said it first:
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none, I think, do there embrace.Those two front teeth could be better, and the haircut really is a problem, but I think the glasses are just fine. Note that several others hereabouts have a problem with those specs, so obviously it's in the eye of the beholder, just like your long hair. No one else has had a problem with yr teeth, but the truth is, a smile makes everyone look more attractive, and smiles are free– at least outgoing smiles, that like love, you can't really give 'em away "because you keep on getting more."
Some people think dudes your age are automatically fairly attractive even without exercise. Was surprised to see lots of torrents on this site about fat people, which some find attractive, even though sex with them might involve a swift round of "find the sausage" first. One of the hottest men I ever knew, still under 30, has a serious gym workout schedule and thinks someone very much older who weighs more than twice what he does is exactly the quintessence of blazing heat and maddeningly irresistible sexual allure. He is not his type at all. Go figure.
Confidence is sexy. Period. Having the "gift of gab" is helpful for any social interaction. Smile and listen. Listening is devastatingly attractive and highly unusual. Still, it is nice to have a an ability for amiable casual conversation, and like most things, that comes from practice. One of the most popular and successful men I know used to go to gay bars and enjoy being chatted up, then move on to talk with someone else. He was not there to hook up or be picked up or to get his ashes hauled (ah, these common vulgarities!), but to have a fun time with attractive men in an atmosphere of warmth and acceptance.
There are lots of social groups available even without a specified gay component-- politics, religion, continuing education, volunteer work are all things that can make one more socially adept and comfortable as well as directing one's attention outward toward others rather than inward.
Why so pale and wan, fond lover,
Prithee, why so pale?
Will, when looking well can't move her,
Looking ill prevail?More wisdom from yet another poet. Some people find a well-filled mind attractive and stimulating. Also, that makes me think of amateur theatricals, which usually need volunteers for everything from costumes to ticket-tacking, performing, and ushering. In the U.S. there are all manner of discussion groups, from high IQ Mensa to a nationwide "meetup" organization that arranges for informal get-togethers for the atheists, liberals, athletic fans.... Libraries often have free classes, as do many other groups, so an interest in languages or cooking or joining a book club for reading and chatting in person (not to overlook online activities, of course) can be an entry point.
On a much more basic level, Craig's List and others will tell you about private gloryholes, and there are sites locating public (dangerous?) gloryholes for "cottaging" and "tea rooms." There are also still saunas aka bathhouses, and a visit to your nearest adult bookstores might be helpful if all you want is to poke for fun. Does not even require the price of a cam or a Skype connection.
Personally, I've always loved the story of the man who published an advertisement for Queens, Druggies, and Chubs-- "no serious replies, please." Met a whole host of fascinating and wonderful people. And nowadays it is easier than ever to meet rentboys online without having to visit unknown neighborhoods.
So there you have several options. You can amend your appearance, become more socially active, or just seek direct "meaningless" sex. You may not think anyone will ever want you to fuck them, but you are certainly wrong about that. To the extent you think you are not good enough, etc. no one else can help with that because no one else is causing that issue, though they may help you validate that viewpoint. Try looking for evidence to the contrary. Do you have a job? A roof over your head? These are not signs of people who have failed the fundamentals of survival. What would it feel like to give yourself more credit?
Someone I know walked into a gay bar once, looked around, and memorably heard himself say (not out loud, but in these exact words inside his head), "There's nobody here but us losers." That was an instant Aha! moment he will take with him to his grave. Where, as previously stated, he will die, like everyone, alone.
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I'm 6 foot and still under 200 pounds. I wouldn't consider myself "fat". I just have a few pounds I can lose.
All those things you mentioned, I honestly have no interest in. I am in the process of on my own casting a reality TV show, helping a group of people reformat a podcast, and I also have my current retail job. If I go out it is to have fun, not do volunteer work, build stages for a theatre production I could care less about, etc. I do go on the meetup sites, but the events and people attending don't interest me.
The gift of gab thing is correct. The issue becomes that this is a chicken or egg situation. How am I supposed to execute the gift of gab, when guys won't even give me the chance to have casual conversation? I don't receive replies on dating sites. I also am almost walked away from at bars. How can I showcase anything of who I am if never given the opportunity?
Your comment about chunky guys is basically the frustration I expressed earlier in the thread. I understand that I'm not the best looking guy. But I have seen guys I am attracted to with guys that I believe look a lot worse than I do. If it actually comes down to personal preference, rather than you having to be a specific type for a specific type, why is it that after 10 years not one person I have approached has found me attractive? Statistically it doesn't seem to add up.
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Hey Dude,
I just read the whole thread and I must say, you already got some pretty decent advice already that you seem unwilling to take. Change your looks! based on the pictures you posted you basicly had the same look over the years, a look that doesnt seem to work. I'm not saying you should just turn into another plastic doll face, you should deffinetly find your own style that works for you. Maybe get some styling advice from a hairstylist, or a shopping stylist which is not always that expensive. At least here in the netherlands you can make an apointment in a H&M store for €250,- including a new set of clothes.
The problem I have with, what you're saying is that you want a change in your life but dont want to change your life, well that doesnt make sense now does it?
Recently I started to work out again, first of al to become more healthier and secondly because I realized the ugly truth of this world. First impressions are lasting impressions. If you want to have a nice job, a nice house, a nice life, you got to look the part. No Stop that! dont think of the super model look! Keep it real and stay possitive! The outer looks is what attracts people and the personality is what keeps them in. You already got the latter so just get some decent proffesional advice and find yourself a look that attracts others and still makes you feel comfortable.
Change is Scary but without change, nothing happens.
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"Find your own style that works for you".
Hmmmm.. that is exactly how I am now. With the exception of losing 20 pounds, I think I am the best that I need to be. I am not fantastic looking, but I am the best of what I have. You personally might think differently, yet does that automatically mean everyone is going to think the same way? I would rather highly impress one person than 50 people. As far as I'm concerned, those 49 other people are not investing in my future. That one person is.
Advice is like opinions, everyone has them, just like assholes. I was never asking anyone for advice, I am simply just looking for people to talk to about the matter. Unless you have a guy my type to set me up with in my area, there is no advice that is going to help me. I am consistently working on myself in some form, and if it isn't good enough for people to recognize me as me, rather than what they want me to be, These people are nothing more than haters.
Want to know reality..? Some of us do not have the money to throw out everything we have and start new. Either way…. some H&M clothes are not going to make me a hot stud, when realistically, the clothes come off and I am exposed. All the money in the world for hairstyles, clothes, attitude, etc, cannot make up for who someone actually is.
PS to EVERYONE! An attractive person is not made based on if they go to the gym or not. If that was the case, everyone that was not ripped or over a size 2 would be single.