Problem
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OK I got to get this off my chest. There's this one guy I've known for about a year who used to work with me at night, and would go bowling with a few times. I'd hang out a few times with him and after knowing him a few months I started to 'like' him. He's cool, funny, and intelligent. But the biggest problem is his commitment to relationships. Back in Jan he quit his job for a girl he met over Christmas, and after 3 months he proposed to her and she said yes. Since then he's lived with her and no job, so we don't hang out anymore but he's still on my mind a lot. I saw him last week and he said he found a job really close to where I work, and now I'm not sure whether I should see him or not. I haven't told anyone at work I'm gay, mostly because they already 'joke' about me being a virgin. This guy is on my mind everyday and I don't know what to do. Tell him how I feel and lose what little friendship we have left, or just keep it inside and let him drift away in this life he's trying to make.
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better not. he might not understand your feelings, yet he seems to be really straight. it really makes no sense even to ponder about someone such; most likely he would not change his life only because of your devout wish even if he might. suppressed wishes of this type will only torment your soul, drop him completely off your mind and throw a look for someone else, i believe there is one over there…
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Hi Anon, to be honest with you i don't think it's to do with either telling him and risking the loss of a friendship, or, keeping your feelings inside and bottling them up. It is more to do with having to tell yourself that those feelings have to go, not bottle them, but to dismiss them.
It's very easy for me to say this as I have had the benefit of many years experience. I also except that when one has feeling they are often very difficult to put in the back of ones mind but from what you have told me, either of the options you mention are probably of no use to you.
If you can learn to accept that you simply cannot have this guy in any other way except as just friends - learn to accept this and feel any sadness that this may bring, then surely this is more healthy for you than to either risk destroying your friendship or beating yourself up by harbouring feelings.