Better to let someone come out to you or help them come out?

theoneandlee

I've had a couple of friends who I suspected were gay or were in the closet and I've always wondered, if it better to let them come out on their terms or sort of guide them out the closet? I feel like I would've liked someone to push me out since I spent so many years isolating myself and secluding myself that I have huge regrets now for wasting my highschool/undergrad years. But at the same time, I realize that people process things differently and some people may just want their space.

What do you guys think is the best course of action?

ColinTNM

let them do it on their own terms, it's not your business.

inni

someone did the same to me. i probably would have spent many more months, even a few more years in the closet, I think if you clearly show your support, a little push wouldn't hurt just to help them get the ball rolling

kagaminelen

just ask them…

Olitommy

I've found that when people are in deep denial, calling them out on it just gets them more defensive and makes them reject the idea.
It's like jumping from a trampoline, if they're already standing above the pool , then a little push will help them take the plunge, but if they're on the floor refusing to even look at the trampoline, then pushing them will only make thing worse. Looking back on my own experience, the only thing that would have made me come out sooner was if a guy I really liked came on to me, and even then it would have taken some time for me to process the whole thing. I believe it's a personal journey, it might help to tell them you suspect them to be gay and you're there for them if they ever feel like talking about it, but if they refuse firmly, then back off and respect the sexual orientation they identify themselves with.

raphjd

Every situation is different.

Some people need to be pushed a bit, while others need their space to come to terms with it.

trukr

If it were me, I'd just be supportive and a good friend. I think it's best to let them do it on their own terms really, and with some guidance and advice if they want it or seem to need it. Maybe if it comes up, you can share your experiences with them and the reasons you came out. The longer they wait, the more regrets they'll have if they're gay IMHO. Hope you don't have as many regrets as I do (dunno how old you are). I waited far too long, mainly because of my job, but I'm out there too now and everything is fine AFAIK.

Just be a good friend and it can work wonders ;)…