What is "masculine"?
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Just responded to an antique thread on campophobia, about why some men are unappealing. Maybe they swish, or lisp, or behave in some other stereotypical way.
There are "str8" and bi men who advertise an interest in fem-type men, lingerie, cross-dressing partners, transexuals, and other surrogates that may make it easier for them to pretend they are doing a woman. Okay.
But I am made uneasy by adverts from people who want their potential partner to be "straight-acting" or "masculine." Wtf?
Does strait-acting mean stereotypically butch behavior based on the fear that hugging another man would mean being queer? But it's all right to slap teammates on the butt in the midst of playful celebration on field, to even to play grabass in a changing room with other jocks ("jocks" being slang for someone athletic who "plays sports" and wears some kind of strap with a cupping pocket in front to hold the vital appendages) because "we're all just macho dudes being naked together like "real men."
They're not afraid of who they are but who others might think they are, hence videos of str8s getting blown who react in silence and lack of motion even at the finish, lest they reveal a loss of control. Reminds me of a printer I once knew, a vet known as "Iron Mike," who was totally uptite and solidly clad in character armor to the point of being robotic. MEN are brainwashed into thinking they have to be a sterotype to avoid being a failure.
My own conviction is that "real men" do anything they want. If your favorite top does a scene as a bottom, do you suddenly think he is less manly? Are bottoms more fem than tops? A humorous book some years ago was titled, "Real Men Don't Eat Quiche." If you read that title aloud, you can pronounce it Kwish, and when corrected, respond: Kwish, KEESH, I don't know and I don't care. I don't east the damn' stuff."
Lol.
But specifically to the cited advert restrictions: Str8 men don't have to "act" str8, they ARE str8, so any way they act IS the way a str8 man acts. When I was younger and stupider, I decided that at some point, since I was a man, anything I did was something a MAN does. Some actions may go with the words, "Take it!" and some with the words "Give it to me," but a man can say either, in context, and still be a man.
People, in some languages, "tutoyer" or separate verbs into intimate and formal/public forms is to switch pronouns and call a male friend, esp. a stereotypical queer or someone you intend to insult (like a military drill sergeant or athletic coach facing new recruits and calling them "ladies." Maybe the gay equivalent (in the US there is a notorious black equivalent term as well) used amongst the in crowd, for the home team. In England, there was a whole language of queer argot, Polari, though I have no sense of how widely it was used or whether much of it survives.
"Ladies" to a bunch of soldiers or professional athletes is an insult to goad them into proving the term does not apply. In gay circles, "she" (referring to a man) may be equally an insult, but may just mean the person is part of the same orientation, no aspersions.
Back to where I started. What is "masculine"? Okay, so a hairy-chested rugby stud built out of fossilized testosterone is "manly." What about divers? Rowers? Gynmasts? Since I'm nothing like them, what about librarians, schoolteachers, accountants? Was "Mr. Chips" manly? He was no Hemingway hero, that's for sure.
Was Jeff Stryker not masculine for being in gay porn? Did he lose all such credentials when he was filmed using a dildo on himself? Did he gain points for his role in a bisex video? Okay, James Dean and Montgomery Clift may have lacked confidence in their manliness because they lived in a time when queers were defined as being "not manly." But whatever he was like in the sack, Rock Hudson made a career as a romantic lead for beautiful women, just like "tall, dark, and handsome" Cary Grant.
Rugby player Colby Jansen, former U.S. Marine, is plenty manly, even though he does gay porn. And even though he occasionally bottoms. Try and tell someone he's not man enough.
Noah Wylie, from the television show "E.R." has gone on to a career as an action star, a "librarian" in a library of mythic trophies. He's more Clooney-esq than Jansenite. Anyone ever kick him out of bed for eating crackers or being "less than a man"? I don't think so.
Anyway, as a fat, old, white-bearded polar bear, I think that when someone advertises for masculine, strait-acting guys, it does not sound like they have me in mind– and NOT because I'm old and round, or even that I tend to quote poetry a lot.'
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It's a very complex question particularly for me because english is not my mother language.
All my male friends are straight and I have something to say:-straight men are much more tender with other men than most gays think, and don't care about hugging or touching other familiar men even in front of their girlfriends or wives. Gay guys who wanna hide their sexuality are much more careful about it because they are afraid that every move could expose them.
-straight men can have sex with other men and still being straight as well a gay guy can have sex with a woman and still being gay.
-straight men, specially the long time married/divorced/ugliest ones have hidden sex with gay men, not because they prefer, but it's easier than girls. BTW always on top.
IN PORN:
-straight men do a lot with other straight men just for fun, so they do the same and for money. Not just porn, straight men really do very crazy and stupid things for a few bucks.
-most performers in gay porn are straight… Performers of MEN, FRATPAD, GAYHOOPLA, ACTIVEDUTY, MILITARYCLASSIFIED, MACHOFUCKER, BELAMI, CORBINFISHER... even the ones who bottom. Almost 100% of amateur and solo guys are straight too and that's great... straight guys are really hotter, stronger, masculine and interesting. I like men, so that's what I wanna watch MEN... and I can imagine how bad MALExMALE videos would be featuring gay guys only.
ONE MORE THING... I really hate who wanna proof every guy is gay, not just porn stars. Gays who wanna proof Handsome singers are gay, Hollywood stars are gay, a guy is gay because he touched another guy, put ironic "quotes" in the word straight, it's really annoying.
I don't know what those guys have in mind, trying to proof a porn star, singer or actor is gay as if he is gonna meet him someday and the "gay guy" as they think is gonna propose to him and they will live forever in an enchanted castle. -
pornofan, Sir after going through your article and agreeing upon many things you pointed out, I can only say that our perception of what is masculine has been moulded by the societal pressure and our fear of not conforming to it. I agree with you sir that our fear of actions being judged make us do things that would be stereotypical "masculine" behavior, but in my opinion real masculinity lies in more deep lying virtues within oneself.
I believe masculinity has deep connection with fatherhood and what does a father do? He takes care of his family. He protects them, that's what real masculinity is. So a real man, in my opinion, is someone who cares about his family and friends, he who doesn't avoid his responsibilities. And the best part is, a person's masculinity is not defined by his personality. It's what deep inside him that makes him a man. -
But I am made uneasy by adverts from people who want their potential partner to be "straight-acting" or "masculine." Wtf?
I have used the term 'masculine' before to get across what I am looking for in ads and profiles online. I can not speak for what others may mean, but I can speak for myself.
What that means for me: A man that's into guy stuff. Sports (excepting golf, I can do pretty much anything but that), beer/alcohol, the outdoors, working on cars, working with computers, fixing things, electronics, etc. Typical guy stuff. Not ruling other things out, and I am open to suggestion, but if the only thing one can come to me with is "antiquing" or home decorating, or mens fashion, you probably aren't what I am looking for. Don't get me wrong, I am as fashion conscious as the next guy. (You have to be these days, other men, or women if you are straight/bi, have certain expectations nowadays.) I also realize that some straight guys have gotten even better at fashion than the average gay guy (oh, the horror!), but I don't live for fashion. It's not my world. Antiquing, I can do every now and then, but it's not an every weekend activity for me. Home decor - well, once it's done, it's done for me for the next 2-3 years. If you need to redo it all every season, every six months, or even every year, then I am not for you. I'm not interested in whether the drapes match the current season. My bedroom comforter and sheets, – while always 600 thread count plus! (aggressive sex on scratchy sheets sucks) -- don't have to match the curtains. (Don't laugh. After a hot round of sex with a guy once, he actually said that to me. I told him where my curtains were, and let him change them. Then, I fucked him again as a reward for changing the curtains, lol.)
More importantly, masculine is the lack of feminine or stereotypically gay traits. So - that lisp or swish, that's a no go for me. You want to dress in women's clothes? Let me introduce you to my friend, X, who may be more appreciative/receptive of that than me. A high voice? I know, I know, it's something a person has no control over, but it's a deal breaker for me. I don't need Barry White bass, but it shouldn't make me picture a purse falling out of your mouth.
For me, masculinity is how one presents himself and what his interests are. It has nothing to do with sex. I identify as a top, but there is nothing sexier to me than a masculine bottom grunting "Fuck me, harder, now!" If we get into a competition to see who's going to make the other cum first, that's quality stuff right there, and I don't mind losing if he's THAT good! Being a bottom does not make one less masculine. For me, that's as masculine as it gets. I tip my hat to those who can take what I like to give, because I know from personal experience that I couldn't take it. As a top, I don't feel any less masculine if I have a hard cock in my mouth. I'm not selfish. I can give too, at least in some form. Kissing, holding hands, being affectionate in public is all cool. But waiting 3 hrs for roadside assistance to show up to change your flat tire instead of doing it yourself or using the fix-a-flat kit that many new cars come with in lieu of a donut spare?...you had better have been on a very dangerous highway if I hear that story, unless you don't know how to do either. That's total woman type stuff right there. If you don't know how, then I need you to be open to learning, because that's something every guy should know, at least in my opinion. You don't have to fix or know everything on your car yourself, but basic words like engine, transmission, water pump, alternator shouldn't be like a foreign language to you. If nothing else, you should know what those things are and do, even if you don't know where they are on your car. That's nothing that a 2 hr basic car maintenance course wouldn't take care of, and I am worth two hours. I'd even pay for it!
Hopefully that gives you a bit of an idea what masculine means for me. It's non-pc, hopefully funny, but unvarnished. I jokingly make reference to a lot of silly situations I have come across, but I hope I don't offend too many people.
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Masculinity is whatever you want it to be.
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to look like a man and act like a man
