Cheese from Trees for Jesus
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That's right brothers & sisters, men & boys, up next we have cheese made from trees in the name of Hey Zeus.
It's not that we are opposed to animal husbandry (which is not exactly what you think it is, you there in the back, with the manure eating grin, stick to marrying your cousins) but if you have ever asked your self why there isn't a larger market for porcine cheddar I suggest to you Tree Cheese may be for you.
Now I know you are going to come at me with your Gouda, your Havarti & your Provolone but I will come back at you with my Oak, my Maple and my Sumach. The variety in Tree Cheese is as endless and satisfying as your dairy based products without punishing a sentient being for having offspring. Let me level with you here for a minute, once you have made a pizza with Birch Cheese your mouth will never again fumble around with mozzarella. Fact!
What about blue cheese?
Well, let me just say back in the day when something was blue you wouldn't be bring it up in front of kin folk or strangers. That being said I have read me some Terry Southern so I know a thing or two about having your retinas penetrated and that is best left to the insects. When it comes to cheese with a mould I have that covered as well gosh and by golly if you have some thing that can't be fermented what is the point? Trigger warning folks
! point injection and needles aren't just banned pornography but actual parts of the process, the mould is not injected as in your Roquefort what I have here is a method for fermenting the cheese as a whole.
As for Jesus, of course you can substitute any deity you may burn crosses for it's just that in these beginning stages I wanted to market to the lowest common denominator for the widest possible mark. Again, if I'm being honest, the only worshipping I do on my knees is for cock and the fact is cheese from the penis…do I have to spell it out? I am all for changing perceptions but that there is a monolith unto itself.
Now I know you are thinking he's just another charlatan trying to sell me a grassy knoll for $9.11 but that is wear you are wrong. Wear? Over there. Stop, look & listen before you buy my sheets. Peter Gabriel wasn't just some shill for the first book of the Bible he has agreed in spirit to a rework I am calling Creaming Trees for the roll out ad campaign. That alone should indicate to you I am on the level.
So you made it this far, I am certain it is not a case of "How much?" but what process is the payment made in where by my own fault we come to a stumbling block. I have no quarter for filthy lucre and like the Utah Saints said when they sampled Gwen Guthrie: What can you do for me?
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Is it Vegan? Does it have GMOs? :cheesy2:
You almost lost me when you used "wear" instead of "where" groovedware. I began to wonder.."Is this person "yanking my chain" on this porn site? :masbana:
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Is it Vegan? Does it have GMOs? :cheesy2:
You almost lost me when you used "wear" instead of "where" groovedware. I began to wonder.."Is this person "yanking my chain" on this porn site? :masbana:
I am going to go ahead and answer with a yes and no. Sure it's vegan, why not? No animal products are being incorporated. As we tend to prefer trees with at least 25 rings under their bark I will also give an unequivocal no to GMOs.
As to yanking chains on porn sites, yes please wearever possible.
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Where are samples available?
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Well, now, as a friend of mine said "it's like going to a restaurant and paying to see the menu", samples are come by finding a fellow willing to part with some of the bounty of his trees.
For a mere $9.11 I will send you the sheets necessary for you to DIY Tree Cheese. Apart from that I am afraid the only samples available are by seeking out your local artisans. I would suggest there you try wooded areas for your best results.
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Any pictures of this miracle cheese??
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Of course :cheesy2:
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Now, keeping in mind I am asking only a mere $9.11 for the ability to reap this bounty on your own I think you can understand my not wanting to expose myself to widespread and rampant pilfering so in that regard and with a tip of the hat to Gene Rayburn I include a photo of a tree that has given forth it's miracle.
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I'll pass…. I don't eat cheese, even Daiya :cheesy2:
I must admit groovedware, your written sales pitch and presentation are very intriguing. I even considered having a forbidden sample of your Holy Cheese. Alas, my dopamine levels have returned to normal and I'll return to my soy products.
Jesus would be proud though...
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Levelled out dopamine sounds most depressing, here have a bump (of tree, Jesus, what kind of guy do you think I am). :cheers:
