Thanks for responding. And thanks for your concern about my mom. Today, she is doing so much better and I think we are on the way to recovery. I didn't eat or sleep well for some days and was on the phone with nurses at 4:00 in the morning and stuff like that, so my nerves are raw and I am being weak and self-indulgent.

But now, I believe it is up to me to build up my armor and just not let them be a factor in my life. Just find some coping mechanism that will allow me to block all thoughts of them. That's about as close to forgiveness as I can get, it's more avoidance than anything else. But as long as I don't have to feel resentment and anger.

Thanks again for the support. Good luck to all of us.

Hi, I am in the predicament where I have brothers and sisters who only bring me frustration and aggravation. I take care of my mother who is ill, and they do not show the degree of love and concern that she deserves from them. She is your average mom, kind and good and caring all her life, we were never beaten or neglected or abused emotionally or psychologically. I know no one is perfect, but no harm was ever done to any of us.

These hypocrites all profess how much they love her when they do visit. One works a ten minute drive from our house and the other lives ten minutes away. But my sister who knows that my mom is more ill than usual, doesn't even call for four days to see how she is doing even after I leave her a message that I might have to take her to the emergency room and I need some advice, a brother who has only visited for 45 minutes in the last two months only comes by to ask if I can lend him money. There is more to tell, but you can see the picture I am trying to paint. Sadly, from talking to nurses and care providers, this is not an unusual family dynamic.

For two and a half years. I have tried everything from calm discussion to bluntly telling them that they are selfish and self-centered. If there was any improvement in their behavior, it lasted only a few weeks. I know I can't make them change, i thought that they just might see the light. But no. So now I want to stop considering them as a resource in my life and thinking of their failure as loving children - if they ceased to exist, it would be of no loss to me. They have become insignificant to me.

What i am after here, is some general advice on how I might be able to not let their presence in my life cause me such unhappiness. I am aware of coping tactics, and stress management techniques. However, my anger remains. Help. Thanks.