Posts made by AlexKS

Boy, on Thanksgiving it really sounds OK when you say stuff like that to anyone :laugh:

@thomas261989:

I came out to this guy because he seemed so cool about that, he'd never dated a girl and acted vary kindly to me. I could come over his place at anytime or give him a ring and there he'd be. And most of all, because I was madly in love with him.
This turned out in a very ugly way. Although he'd never dated any girl, he had no feelings toward me, he freaked out whenever somebody passed by when we talked, kind of paranoid, and furthermore, he turned out to be a pain in my ass, making fun of me whenever we met at work (yups, I met him at my workplace). I never opened that much to anyone, I told him everything and now I'm so scared that someday, somehow, he'll tell everyone and … well, I don't know what'll come after that.
Damn, this really really destroy my hope of a welcomed coming-out and now I feel lost. I don't know if everyone I love would be like him when I come out to them. :cry2:

Don't worry about ppl knowing you're gay, it really isn't so scary as it seems… But still you should first check the person's views on gays and see if he is tolerant, or not very aggressive and will not turn his back on you if he'd know that you're gay... I've met some people in my life who don't really like gays, I never heard them speaking out positively about us, but they've accepted me, I mean the fact that I'm gay without trying to turn my life into hell...

I guess I first understood that I like guys when I was about 14... Then when I was 15 I kinda accepted it as a fact and understood that I will probably not change, but decided to keep it a secret, just to wait and see what will happen... But a couple of weeks before turning 16 - I realized that I actually fell in love, with a guy from my school... At first I fell great, I fell like flying, understanding myself better, but after a week I felt lonely, I was afraid that I could never be together with him and my love will just die, because I never told anyone about being gay, and besides that there were very few signs of hope that he's gay too for me... So, I don't know how it happened, but I was just having a nice evening with two of my friends (girls) at the home of one of them, and we started talking about stuff and then I came out, and told them about this guy whom I loved (who they knew, because we were all in one school) and they took it pretty easy... One told me: "I knew it!" And the other was shocked, but not in a bad way and accepted me pretty quickly... After that evening we became even better friends 

Than I came out to 3 of my friends, who are guys, and they all accepted me without any problem, they always listen to me and support me... And than, my dad discovered that I'm gay... This really sounds like a cliche - he found my gay porn on the PC... And not even the porn itself, because I hid it very well and he's not such an experienced user, but he accidentally got into the "Recent" folder while trying to attach some pictures of his to an email, and in this folder somehow the icons of the deleted 10 sec. porn movies were saved... So he was surprised with it, called the unsuspecting me into the room and asked me about how much do I like these movies... I started shaking like I don't know what and couldn't say a word for about 10 minutes, and then asked him if he will throw me out of the house now... And it all happened when I was 17 and fully dependent on my parents... But he was a little bit offended by that I could even think that he would do such a thing, that I will always be his son and he will love me... Than we had a serious talk, he tried to understand why did I turn out to be gay, suggested shrinks or going to a prostitute maybe, but he didn't push me or something, told me that my personal live is my own, and that he will not intervene in it... And we decided not to tell mom about it... It all was such a relief for me, because I planned to become independent, move out of the house and only then tell my parents, and my relations with my dad never been good, and he never appeared as a tolerant person to me, so I never expected him to accept me so easily...
Now I'm 19, all of my friends know that I'm gay, I also came out before my mom recently, because I was really sick and tired of hiding it from those who are the closest people to me, especially that now I know that I have nothing to be afraid of... She took it harder than my dad, but also said that she will always love me, though she can't understand how is it that I like guys... We don't talk much about it, but still I'm sure that my parents will always support me and that they really love me...
Oh, and I'm the only child in the family...

Recently I also came out to a new friend, who I fell in love too, but he's straight and I kinda always felt it, but still had the hope, because he doesn't act as a 100% straight, he's very gentle and smiling all the time... Very confusing 
And he accepted me as well, he was a bit surprised, but not shocked and he doesn't have a problem with me being gay, though I never told him that I loved him... Just that I like him... And I asked him if he's straight for sure, and of course the answer was "yes" and this helped me to crush all the hopes I had regarding him and me being together, and I also killed the love I had towards him, that started to become a bit painful, because I really can't see any point in loving someone that for sure will never return you the love, and there is no sense in suffering because of that, in my opinion...

But still, I'm not leading a totally open life, I don't talk about myself at my work place (not that anyone ever asked me about my personal life), though I know that most of the ppl will not have any problem with it, there are several openly gay guys working in there and they are treated perfectly fine by everyone, and not everyone I know and communicate with know that I'm gay... But I'm currently working on it and maybe soon will not hide it from almost anyone...

Oh, such a long post... Well, it always happens when I write about myself 

Conclusion: From my experience, telling people the truth about your feelings and sexual preferences (that never mind what others say - are a very important part in life, which affects your life style a lot) helps you to understand yourself better, see who are your real friends and who don't really care about you, or will turn their back on you when you'll need their help, and just to feel like you're not living in a lie, but that you're being honest with yourself and the world around you.
Though, you must always think about the consequences of coming out and know when you shouldn't do it, because there are too many stupid ppl in this world, who can hurt you if you'll tell them that you're gay... But if you know that the worst thing that will happen is that someone will just stop communicating with you - I don't think that you should hide it, especially when it becomes uncomfortable to you, when you can't say what you want or act as you want to...
But still, it's just my opinion... Every situation has it's own unique solution