A size queen, apparently - a story joke
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These two friends, Derek and Marcus are playing basketball, and when they are done, head for the showers. Marcus says "Hey, Derek, I wouldn't normally say anything, but I figure we've been friends for years….your dick looks a lot bigger. What's the deal?" Derek says "I've been rubbing butter on it, I read about it in a men's magazine about how to enlarge your cock." The next week, they head for the showers again. Marcus, ever the thoughtful observant friend says" Hey Derek, your dick looks smaller this week..." Marcus says "I found out I'm allergic to dairy products, so I've been using Crisco instead." "No wonder it's smaller, " Marcus replies " Crisco is shortening!"
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That's freaking hilarious