A few corny story jokes…..
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A penguin goes into a bar and asks the bartender "have you seen my brother?" Bartender "What's he look like?"
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A man goes into a bar, and starts to complain about the goverment. "No politics allowed" says the bartender. The man then starts to talk about the Pope. "No religion either" intones the bartender. Next the man mentions the big game last night. "No sports talk, it starts fights." The customer asks if sex talk is allowed? Yes, says bartender. "Great," says the customer "Go screw yourself!"
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A $5 bill walks into a bar. He's asked to leave. Why? Because it was a singles bar.
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A Scottish farmer goes into a bar to drown his sorrows. He starts talking to the bartender. "I farmed for 40 years, chopped down the trees, split the rails, built the fence, 2 miles of it, with me own bare hands. Does anyone call me "McGregor the farmer or fence builder? No."
He gulps down a whiskey and continues: " You know that large pier over on Loch Lomond? Swam oot there every day for 3 months to lay the foundations, laid every board me-self. Do they call me McGregor the pier builder? NO.
But ye just screw one sheep…."
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A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "for YOU, no charge!"
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A businessman consults his accountant about an upcoming appointment with the IRS, he's very nervous and wants to know what to wear. The accountant says "Wear you're shabbiest clothes, make them think you're a pauper."
Not sure, he asks his lawyer who tells him "Wear your best clothes, don't be intimidated."
Confused, he finally goes to his Priest. The priest tells him a story of a girl, soon to be a bride. The girl asks her mother what to wear on her wedding night who answers - let him imagine - cover yourself in a flannel nightgown up to your neck. The girl then asks her best friend, who suggests a sexy negligee. The business man is frustrated now "What does a honeymoon night have to do with my tax problem?"
The Priest answers - "No matter what you wear, you're going to get screwed!"
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