Things Not To Say To A Cop
- I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.
- Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
- Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?
- Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
- Excuse me. Is “stick up” hyphenated?
- Sorry officer, I was day dreaming.
- Are we going to be on that TV show “COPS?”
- Oh good, it just you. I thought it was that bounty hunter after me!
- You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?
- Do you know how stupid you look in that costume?
- Look, I’m really in a hurry. I need to make it to the FBI building with this fertilizer and chemicals before it closes today.
- Lets play “Cops & Robbers.” I’m the Cop and you’re the Robber. Ok?
- I pay your salary!
- So, uh, you on the take, or what?
- Gee, officer! That’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
- Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
- I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around – that’s how far ahead of me they are.
- What do you mean, “Have I been drinking?” You’re the trained specialist.
- Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
- Hey, is that a 9mm? That’s nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
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