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    If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly…..

    Jokes & Funny Stuff
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    • mufum69
      mufum69 last edited by

      Deer Santa,
      I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas.  I'v ben a gud boy
      all yeer.        Yer Friend, Billy

      Dear Billy,
      Nice spelling.  You're on your way to a career in lawncare.  How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell?  I'm giving your older brother the space ranger.  At least HE can spell.                  Santa

      Dear Santa,
      I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!              Love, Sarah

      Dear Sarah,
      Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?            Santa

      Dear Santa,
      I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.  Please see what you can do.      Love, Teddy

      Dear Teddy,
      Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.  Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly?  It's time to give up that dream.  Let me send you some Legos instead.                      Santa

      Dear Santa,
      I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.            Love, Francis

      Dear Francis,
      Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?  I bet you're gay.  I'll set you up with a Barbie.                Santa

      Dear Santa,
      I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.                    Love, Susan

      Dear Susan,
      Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh.  You want to do me a favor?  Leave me a bottle of Scotch.                  Santa

      Dear Santa,
      What do you do the other 364 days of the year?  Are you busy making toys?    Your friend, Thomas

      Dear Thomas,
      All the toys are made in China .  I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films.  I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.  Hey, you wanted to know.              Santa

      Dear Santa,
      Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?            Love, Jessica

      Dear Jessica,
      Are you really that gullible?  Good luck in whatever you do.  I'm skipping your house.          Santa

      Dear Santa,
      I really want a puppy this year.  Please, please, please, PLEASE,
      PLEASE could I have one?        Love, Timmy

      Dear Timmy,
      That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me.  You're getting a sweater again.                    Santa

      Dearest Santa,
      We don't have a chimney in our house.  How do you get into our home?  Love, Marky

      Dear Mark,
      First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school.  Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex.  Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.                Sweet dreams,      Santa
      Reply

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      • F
        frontlemon last edited by

        ;D

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        • J
          JACK777 last edited by

          Atleast he's honest

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