Straight Boyfriend
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So I have this straight friend that treats me like his girlfriend minus the sex. It's really annoying, and it has gotten to a point where he wants me to relocate and come live with him. We argue constantly, and he gets passed upset when he doesn't hear from me. I actually have grown to like him but am unsure about the whole situation. All of my gay friends tell me that he likes me, and that I should just stop holding out, and make the first move because he won't, but i'm afraid to. What do you guys think. I mean I would love to give him some ass, but I don't want to lose a friendship over something stupid.
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Questions for you:
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Is it possible he has other motives for having you move in?
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Is he aware of your orientation? (are you absolutely sure? See the side note for my concerns)
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Is he in a relationship with anyone, or has he recently terminated a relationship? (this could be a possible motive)
Advice:
Generally when things start getting confusing it's best to sit down and have an honest discussion rather than blunder through.
You could start off with those three questions(or two, if you think he's perfectly aware of your orientation) and see where it goes from there.Indicate that you're concerned about the possible future of your friendship and moreover that things are not fully clear to you.
After asking him whether he knows about your orientation, you may want to add in what the state of the relationship seems to be from your perspective;
Indicate the views that brought you to the forum in the first place. (this should come after expressing your concerns)If you choose to move in, be sure to work out rules and expectations for both parties. (so you know whether sexual advances would be stepping over the line)
Be sure that all communications related to this be done in person and that you remain calm. Your repeated consultation with others indicates that you're
really nervous about this. I would suggest that you either find a way to remain calm while talking to him, or that you indicate your emotional status early in the conversation.On a side note:
I know that I've indicated my orientation to others before and they didn't really understand the first go 'round.
I found out that they thought I was joking or weren't really listening at the time. It's not a situation you want to be in.Offhand
I'm making quite a few assumptions here. I don't intend to insult you in any way with this post; please let me know if I did.
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Questions for you:
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Is it possible he has other motives for having you move in?
-
Is he aware of your orientation? (are you absolutely sure? See the side note for my concerns)
-
Is he in a relationship with anyone, or has he recently terminated a relationship? (this could be a possible motive)
Advice:
Generally when things start getting confusing it's best to sit down and have an honest discussion rather than blunder through.
You could start off with those three questions(or two, if you think he's perfectly aware of your orientation) and see where it goes from there.Indicate that you're concerned about the possible future of your friendship and moreover that things are not fully clear to you.
After asking him whether he knows about your orientation, you may want to add in what the state of the relationship seems to be from your perspective;
Indicate the views that brought you to the forum in the first place. (this should come after expressing your concerns)If you choose to move in, be sure to work out rules and expectations for both parties. (so you know whether sexual advances would be stepping over the line)
Be sure that all communications related to this be done in person and that you remain calm. Your repeated consultation with others indicates that you're
really nervous about this. I would suggest that you either find a way to remain calm while talking to him, or that you indicate your emotional status early in the conversation.On a side note:
I know that I've indicated my orientation to others before and they didn't really understand the first go 'round.
I found out that they thought I was joking or weren't really listening at the time. It's not a situation you want to be in.Offhand
I'm making quite a few assumptions here. I don't intend to insult you in any way with this post; please let me know if I did.Thanks for your response. In answer to your questions. He definitely knows about my sexual orientation. We have been friends for atleast 3 years now, and I make no effort to hide who I am from him. No he isn't currently in a relationship, or broken up with anyone recently. He's even sent me pictures of his dick and told me to choose the one I thought was best for him to send to someone. We are pretty close, and he has a hard time expressing any emotion except being pissed about one thing or another. By no means have you offended me in any way, and thank you very much for your insight.
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Perhaps he just needs to protect you from any hazard out there…
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Perhaps he just needs to protect you from any hazard out there…
Hazard?? What do you mean??
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It happens often, when a straight guy finds out that his pal is gay, that he feels that the gay guy needs "protection" against racism, bullies etc. He feels that he is kind of his bodyguard and just "overtries" for him not to feel that he is losing him as a friend.
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It happens often, when a straight guy finds out that his pal is gay, that he feels that the gay guy needs "protection" against racism, bullies etc. He feels that he is kind of his bodyguard and just "overtries" for him not to feel that he is losing him as a friend.
Ok, I see what you're saying. Kind of over compensating and such. This might be a possibility now that I think of it, but then again maybe not. I have always been like the token gay in my groups, and a mascot in others. No one really has a problem with it, so why over compensate. Smh!! Too much.
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You might be a token or a mascot, but he still is worrying about your feelings. He may put himself in your place and felt sorry, I don't know, it's just a thought!!
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"So I have this straight friend that treats me like his girlfriend minus the sex. … he gets passed upset when he doesn't hear from me..."
Are you purposely not being in contact? Are you uncertain about what is going on and sometimes force some distance between you? From his side he may just get the sense that you are intentionally ignoring him at times and he is just thinking hey we are good friends, wtf, why are you behaving like an a-hole?
Personally, for me, I really enjoy my independence and alone time. In your situation I might say, hey you are being a little possessive and we are not even dating, and if we were boyfriends I still do not like being treated that way. This signals you do not like what he is doing, but it also gives him the opportunity to pick up on the whole dating/boyfriend thing.
"We are pretty close, and he has a hard time expressing any emotion except being pissed about one thing or another."
Unfortunately many men are taught from a very young age that anger is the only emotion they are allowed to expressed - never show weakness, never show you care, never show you got hurt.
You can always call a time out. say hey, let's talk about something neither of us is pissed off about.
"He definitely knows about my sexual orientation. We have been friends for atleast 3 years now, and I make no effort to hide who I am from him. No he isn't currently in a relationship, or broken up with anyone recently."
- Nothing is going on between you other than friendship and you are imagining things
- He is making passes at you as a joke and you are taking him seriously
- He is playing mind games (intentionally or unintentionally)
"All of my gay friends tell me that he likes me, and that I should just stop holding out, and make the first move because he won't, but i'm afraid to. What do you guys think. I mean I would love to give him some ass, but I don't want to lose a friendship over something stupid."
Personally, I have never had a close friendship with someone after the sex has ended. I know it does happen, but just not for me. I remain friendly with them, but not close. So I think you have a legitimate fear over ruining a good friendship. At the same time it sounds like you do want to have sex with him too. Keeping the relationship between the two of you nebulous may be frustrating to you some days, but maybe you like it that way too in some ways.
"Straight Boyfriend"
Human sexuality really is a continuum. For most people 'maybe you haven't met the right guy/gal yet' is a ridiculous statement, but maybe for your straight friend and you, it does apply. He may be sending mixed signals because he is having mixed feelings.
Clarifying things is most often a good thing, but rigid relationship roles do not allow for change.
Moving pictures can say a thousand words too:
https://www.gaytorrent.ru/details.php?id=a390d147dfc1644033ba731cc48113b4cf6a916b57f016d2
https://www.gaytorrent.ru/details.php?id=3c151b546600625b33ba731cc48113b4a4bf30fce0fe9f79 -
The kind of thoughtful and wise comments in this thread are exactly what helps the world and the people in it.
Maybe he just wants to be friends, but with jealousy and cocktease. Does he think you'd like to suck his dick? Jack off with him?
Watch him have sex alone with himself or online while you watch (such as, watching him with another)?If he thinks you'd like these things, does that freak him out? What would he say if you explained, "I really like you and I
think you are hot and I would be completely frustrated and screwed up being in constant contact with the man who sleeps
in the same apartment/house and gets naked in the shower and puts his dirty undies in the wash and freaks out when I even
look– or lets me look and lets ME freak out."What effect does he think his body and sexual needs/interests have on you? If yr not physical together, does that stop either
of you from dating/sexing others? Bringing them home for noisy sex without the roommate? Is the connection something that
would interfere with either of you having another relationship? Or is this a "safe" way of avoiding all that messy emotional stuff
and inconvenient wet spot?If you are an out gay man and he is an out straight man, what will his strait friends think about him shacking up with you?
Does he care what they think? Do they already think he's getting some relief from you, even if Your friends do not think so?Perhaps you could have a talk about your sexual histories. When did he first get some pussy? What is his favorite position?
Has he ever had any sexual contact with a man? Has he ever wanted to? Would he invite you to a threesome with a woman?
More generally, how confident is he about his body and using it and being seen doing so? A man who may like flashing his
giant schlong in the lockeroom and boasting about his conquests and prowess and staying power may also completely freak
at the thought of any such revelations being made to a man who is interested in his manhood for other reasons than
bluster. "Hey, everyone, I'm a stud. Look at this. HEY! What are YOU looking at?"Somehow, I get the anger as an acceptable emotion that can hide other things, such as what he really wants or is afraid he
wants. Or is afraid you want (or do not want) from/with him. But it sounds as though maybe he can send you a dick pic for
him to lure a female for copulation, but may not be willing to have you respond with the kind of interest he wants a woman
to have. And it sounds like The Sex Talk has yet to occur.Lots of gay guys have emotional attachments to close strait friends, and vice versa. Some strait men are sufficiently
confident that they will poke anything that feels good. Others recoil in horror because that would "mean" something
unmanly or wrong. Okay, I will move in with you, but let's be clear, I want to provide all the sex you do not get from a
woman. Just filling in whenever you want it, and you'd better want it a lot.Worse, sounds like maybe you'd like him to stick it in yr butt. Now that might make a guy freak out for sure. Hey, I'm no
f.... I will do that for a woman, but not for a man. And don't get any ideas that you're going to degrade me into being a
fem in bed. Or touch your dick. Okay, I might touch it if I get carried away, but don't get any of that nasty stuff on ME,
you hear? And if I spooge in a tissue, you better not pick it up later and do something disgusting with it.No, seriously. Forget whether he thinks yr gay, whatever that means. Writer Gore Vidal believed a man does what he does
and if it's gay sex at one moment, then he's doing something gay. And if he's doing something else next, then he's doing
something not gay. It's all in the action. What action does your friend think you have in mind? If he is jealous of being
neglected now, how will he feel when you trick and he comes home drunk and without a pickup? All this about what HE wants.
What do you want? What does he think you want? What does he want you to want? What do you want him to want?Lots of those things can happen without moving in together and keeping each other cruelly frustrated. Maybe he thinks things
will evolve to a place he wants but does not dare admit to himself or ask for. Dangerous currents for that voyage, with
a chance of hurricanes and typhoons.Depending where you are and how you feel about "better living through chemistry," drinks and smokes and Empathetic pills
can increase volubility and emotional honesty. But don't you think it would be a good idea to sort things out while they
are still short of 24-Seven commitment?One more thing. If sex is Not something that has come up as a personal matter for the two of you (together or apart/with another),
is that because you are not interested and afraid to lose him as a friend? I beg you, think carefully. He very possibly does
know you want his orgasms but even if he stands there with a pillar in his pants, won't do anything until you take responsibility
for your horniness and is just waiting. If you come on to him somewhere, some time, in a safe and private place, what would he
do? Attack? Flee? Say he's flattered but no, thank you?If there is a shoe to drop, drop it. Have you ever been naked with him? Changing room? Showers? Speedos at a pool? Are you
allowed to look (as long as it is not mentioned or acknowledged) but not allowed to touch?Something is going on here, but it's pretty clear you do not know what it is, and I'm betting you need to find out. And that will
take two brave men being serious about their lives. If he is not willing to be that open and honest, better find out now so you can
cut him loose (which he seems unwilling to do for you-- not a good sign, selfishness) and move on. -
Nooooooooooooo!
Why did this thread have to die?!
Pornofan made a very thoughtful reply with good points.
Rickydrexel..UPDATE!
Are you going to move in with him?
Did you cut him off?
Talk about it?
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I want to know too
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The kind of thoughtful and wise comments in this thread are exactly what helps the world and the people in it.
Maybe he just wants to be friends, but with jealousy and cocktease. Does he think you'd like to suck his dick? Jack off with him?
Watch him have sex alone with himself or online while you watch (such as, watching him with another)?If he thinks you'd like these things, does that freak him out? What would he say if you explained, "I really like you and I
think you are hot and I would be completely frustrated and screwed up being in constant contact with the man who sleeps
in the same apartment/house and gets naked in the shower and puts his dirty undies in the wash and freaks out when I even
look– or lets me look and lets ME freak out."What effect does he think his body and sexual needs/interests have on you? If yr not physical together, does that stop either
of you from dating/sexing others? Bringing them home for noisy sex without the roommate? Is the connection something that
would interfere with either of you having another relationship? Or is this a "safe" way of avoiding all that messy emotional stuff
and inconvenient wet spot?If you are an out gay man and he is an out straight man, what will his strait friends think about him shacking up with you?
Does he care what they think? Do they already think he's getting some relief from you, even if Your friends do not think so?Perhaps you could have a talk about your sexual histories. When did he first get some pussy? What is his favorite position?
Has he ever had any sexual contact with a man? Has he ever wanted to? Would he invite you to a threesome with a woman?
More generally, how confident is he about his body and using it and being seen doing so? A man who may like flashing his
giant schlong in the lockeroom and boasting about his conquests and prowess and staying power may also completely freak
at the thought of any such revelations being made to a man who is interested in his manhood for other reasons than
bluster. "Hey, everyone, I'm a stud. Look at this. HEY! What are YOU looking at?"Somehow, I get the anger as an acceptable emotion that can hide other things, such as what he really wants or is afraid he
wants. Or is afraid you want (or do not want) from/with him. But it sounds as though maybe he can send you a dick pic for
him to lure a female for copulation, but may not be willing to have you respond with the kind of interest he wants a woman
to have. And it sounds like The Sex Talk has yet to occur.Lots of gay guys have emotional attachments to close strait friends, and vice versa. Some strait men are sufficiently
confident that they will poke anything that feels good. Others recoil in horror because that would "mean" something
unmanly or wrong. Okay, I will move in with you, but let's be clear, I want to provide all the sex you do not get from a
woman. Just filling in whenever you want it, and you'd better want it a lot.Worse, sounds like maybe you'd like him to stick it in yr butt. Now that might make a guy freak out for sure. Hey, I'm no
f.... I will do that for a woman, but not for a man. And don't get any ideas that you're going to degrade me into being a
fem in bed. Or touch your dick. Okay, I might touch it if I get carried away, but don't get any of that nasty stuff on ME,
you hear? And if I spooge in a tissue, you better not pick it up later and do something disgusting with it.No, seriously. Forget whether he thinks yr gay, whatever that means. Writer Gore Vidal believed a man does what he does
and if it's gay sex at one moment, then he's doing something gay. And if he's doing something else next, then he's doing
something not gay. It's all in the action. What action does your friend think you have in mind? If he is jealous of being
neglected now, how will he feel when you trick and he comes home drunk and without a pickup? All this about what HE wants.
What do you want? What does he think you want? What does he want you to want? What do you want him to want?Lots of those things can happen without moving in together and keeping each other cruelly frustrated. Maybe he thinks things
will evolve to a place he wants but does not dare admit to himself or ask for. Dangerous currents for that voyage, with
a chance of hurricanes and typhoons.Depending where you are and how you feel about "better living through chemistry," drinks and smokes and Empathetic pills
can increase volubility and emotional honesty. But don't you think it would be a good idea to sort things out while they
are still short of 24-Seven commitment?One more thing. If sex is Not something that has come up as a personal matter for the two of you (together or apart/with another),
is that because you are not interested and afraid to lose him as a friend? I beg you, think carefully. He very possibly does
know you want his orgasms but even if he stands there with a pillar in his pants, won't do anything until you take responsibility
for your horniness and is just waiting. If you come on to him somewhere, some time, in a safe and private place, what would he
do? Attack? Flee? Say he's flattered but no, thank you?If there is a shoe to drop, drop it. Have you ever been naked with him? Changing room? Showers? Speedos at a pool? Are you
allowed to look (as long as it is not mentioned or acknowledged) but not allowed to touch?Something is going on here, but it's pretty clear you do not know what it is, and I'm betting you need to find out. And that will
take two brave men being serious about their lives. If he is not willing to be that open and honest, better find out now so you can
cut him loose (which he seems unwilling to do for you-- not a good sign, selfishness) and move on.Very insightful comment. I still haven't made a decision on whether or not I will move in with him. He wants me to move in and help him raise his daughter whom he has supposedly told all about me, but only refers to me as daddy's friend. I have come to terms with the idea of just being close friends, and don't think I will push for anything further. Dealing with straight men is too much of a headache for me. At this point I don't think that I will cut him off, and we have had multiple conversations sparked by this forum concerning our friendship. He is fine with us living together and seeing other people but wants to meet them first. I have also to date seen him have sex with a female and just him naked. I actually have a few pictures, and he doesn't seem to care. He just laughs at the fact that I have seen these things. As things progress I will be sure to update. Thanks you guys for your interest and all of your help.
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Thanks for the kind word. I'm sure we all hope things work out well, whatever happens, and that you WILL keep us updated.
How old is the daughter?
If he gets veto power over your dates, do you get veto power over his?
Are you each allowed to bring home a partner and have sex with them? The daughter is cool with that?
He gave permission for you to photograph him naked and having sex?
Do you find him attractive, sexually desirable? If not, and he feels the same about you, then there is less problem or issue
than if either of you fancies the other.
You might actually and directly ask how he would feel if you told him you lust after him or really would like to have sex
with him. Perhaps (yeah, right) he'd be happy to have you provide benefits to accommodate those times when he is doing
without a partner to penetrate. Perhaps you could deal with the whole thing VERY directly by saying, for instance,"Yeah, not only do I like you and value our friendship, I think you are hot and sexy and desirable and I think that might be a distraction,
if only because I'd be afraid it will distract you even if I become seriously coupled and have set such thoughts/interests aside. Amd
while I'm glad you don't mind that I have watched, don't think I'd be comfortable having you watch me or listen to our moans and
groans. Anyway, why don't we set aside some time and just, you know, DO it and get it out of the way. If we love it, great. If it
is uncomfortable, so it is. And it can even be FABulous but, with the curiosity removed, only a one-time thing. Which means it is
safe for us to get drunk together without worrying about stepping over a line."Having spent too many years being repressed, I'm well aware that in the US, society is thoroughly sexually repressive, even though
it becomes more and more blatant about what is still Officially forbidden. Why, we have an entire mainstream religion that seems to
think the entire reason their Savior showed up was so that we could righteously stone fags and murder "baby killers" because to love
the one true god you must be completely judgmental, fight for public prayer, and ignore commandments 1-10. Some people would
think the message of their faith is to love their god completely and serve him in the form of serving and comforting (feeding, clothing,
etc.) others.But we now know compassion and empathy are sins promulgated by the Father of Lies, and the real purpose of religion is to help you
hate all the same sinners that god hates. "Vengeance is mine," saith the Kristian. (with a K= the way Krab indicates fake crab). And
it's bad enough to have a friend who is not opposed to "the disgusting and abominable crime against nature," but what if one of Those
perverts moves in with you and starts to corrupt your daughter? Huh? What about that?Can even the most unsexual friendship survive such intolerance and prejudice? Maybe elsewhere, but what about in the Land of the
Free, blahblahblah? -
Sorry, but I have to disagree with what is being posted here. Time for a reality check. If one of my friends was in this situation, this is what I'd tell him:
Your friend sounds to me like a user: he wants his cake and to eat it too. It sounds to me like he wants a wife, but without the strings that come with marriage, but all the benefits. And for him to have YOU as his wife is safe and allows him to date/fuck around: he's not gonna have sex with you, so he doesn't need to worry about that side of things. AND he gets someone to help him raise his kid. Have you become the full-time babysitter yet? It's coming. And he gets to approve of whomever you date - do you get a similar privilege? Sounds controlling to me. And the fact that he thinks it's fun that you have the nude and sex pics only tells me that he likes to be the center of attention.
Look, he may not be doing this intentionally or maliciously, but on some level he knows he's got you in his pocket, so to speak. But YOU know, deep down; otherwise you wouldn't have started this thread. YOU know that this relationship isn't healthy. YOU know he's using your crush on him for his own advantage. YOU know these things.
Look, I don't mean to harsh on you; we've all gotten involved in unhealthy relationships. But honestly, a good relationship is one between partners. Does this sound like a partnership? From what you've written, it doesn't to me. Plus, if you really, truly, deeply, love him, can you handle him seeing/fucking/loving others, orientation aside? Jealously will come, my friend, and the green monster doesn't go away, it only grows. If this were a straight relationship, I would say this is borderline emotionally abusive. Actually, the genders and orientations involved are unimportant: this IS a borderline emotionally abusive relationship.
So this is what I would tell my friend: Think of yourself and your own well being first. Sometimes a little bit of measured, reasonable, self centeredness (sp?) can be a good thing. Leave this situation before you get in deeper. This will not end well.
I'm sorry, but this situation needed some straight, blunt talk.
Good luck. Stay strong.
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Sorry, but I have to disagree with what is being posted here. Time for a reality check. If one of my friends was in this situation, this is what I'd tell him:
Your friend sounds to me like a user: he wants his cake and to eat it too. It sounds to me like he wants a wife, but without the strings that come with marriage, but all the benefits. And for him to have YOU as his wife is safe and allows him to date/fuck around: he's not gonna have sex with you, so he doesn't need to worry about that side of things. AND he gets someone to help him raise his kid. Have you become the full-time babysitter yet? It's coming. And he gets to approve of whomever you date - do you get a similar privilege? Sounds controlling to me. And the fact that he thinks it's fun that you have the nude and sex pics only tells me that he likes to be the center of attention.
Look, he may not be doing this intentionally or maliciously, but on some level he knows he's got you in his pocket, so to speak. But YOU know, deep down; otherwise you wouldn't have started this thread. YOU know that this relationship isn't healthy. YOU know he's using your crush on him for his own advantage. YOU know these things.
Look, I don't mean to harsh on you; we've all gotten involved in unhealthy relationships. But honestly, a good relationship is one between partners. Does this sound like a partnership? From what you've written, it doesn't to me. Plus, if you really, truly, deeply, love him, can you handle him seeing/fucking/loving others, orientation aside? Jealously will come, my friend, and the green monster doesn't go away, it only grows. If this were a straight relationship, I would say this is borderline emotionally abusive. Actually, the genders and orientations involved are unimportant: this IS a borderline emotionally abusive relationship.
So this is what I would tell my friend: Think of yourself and your own well being first. Sometimes a little bit of measured, reasonable, self centeredness (sp?) can be a good thing. Leave this situation before you get in deeper. This will not end well.
I'm sorry, but this situation needed some straight, blunt talk.
Good luck. Stay strong.
THIS! This sounds exactly like what he is doing to me. When I was growing up… I had a very interesting experience with a friend. I was probably 17 at the time... he had slept over. I woke up to him at the foot of my bed under the covers... rubbing himself against my feet. Turns out he had a foot fetish... but regardless. I let him go for nearly an hour... surreptitiously encouraging him with my "Random" feet movements. After a while... I threw the cover off and looked at him and said... "What would you do right now... if I was pissed." Needless to say he had the whole deer in a headlight look. I forced a conversation and we talked it out. This wound up leading into me basically teaching him what he liked over several years. It was a totally one sided physical relationship but we became so much better friends because of it. (I never got anything physical from him at all). To this day he is still my best friend and we are actually looking into getting a place together, as the economy in my area simply makes it hard to afford a place alone. He's as straight as an arrow but seems to have little luck with the ladies, despite what I think of as him being good looking. Basically the moral to my story is this aspect of that relationship drew us closer together. He and I are open with one another about pretty much everything and even though the physical aspect of it is all done we are better friends because of it. Your "Friend" seems like he wants to use you. He was to control your life as much as he thinks he can get away with and yes likely use you as a live-at-home babysitter. Just my two cents on it... hopefully you figure it all out.
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Sorry, but I have to disagree with what is being posted here. Time for a reality check. If one of my friends was in this situation, this is what I'd tell him:
Your friend sounds to me like a user: he wants his cake and to eat it too. It sounds to me like he wants a wife, but without the strings that come with marriage, but all the benefits. And for him to have YOU as his wife is safe and allows him to date/fuck around: he's not gonna have sex with you, so he doesn't need to worry about that side of things. AND he gets someone to help him raise his kid. Have you become the full-time babysitter yet? It's coming. And he gets to approve of whomever you date - do you get a similar privilege? Sounds controlling to me. And the fact that he thinks it's fun that you have the nude and sex pics only tells me that he likes to be the center of attention.
Look, he may not be doing this intentionally or maliciously, but on some level he knows he's got you in his pocket, so to speak. But YOU know, deep down; otherwise you wouldn't have started this thread. YOU know that this relationship isn't healthy. YOU know he's using your crush on him for his own advantage. YOU know these things.
Look, I don't mean to harsh on you; we've all gotten involved in unhealthy relationships. But honestly, a good relationship is one between partners. Does this sound like a partnership? From what you've written, it doesn't to me. Plus, if you really, truly, deeply, love him, can you handle him seeing/fucking/loving others, orientation aside? Jealously will come, my friend, and the green monster doesn't go away, it only grows. If this were a straight relationship, I would say this is borderline emotionally abusive. Actually, the genders and orientations involved are unimportant: this IS a borderline emotionally abusive relationship.
So this is what I would tell my friend: Think of yourself and your own well being first. Sometimes a little bit of measured, reasonable, self centeredness (sp?) can be a good thing. Leave this situation before you get in deeper. This will not end well.
I'm sorry, but this situation needed some straight, blunt talk.
Good luck. Stay strong.
While this all could be true, I have to say, only going by the facts we know so far, that saying "this will not end well" is making a leap. Â It's true they do need some straight, blunt talk, but I think it's too early to say the relationship is doomed. Â There is a lot more we don't know, such as whether rickydrexel has a say in the women his straight friend sees or how seriously/dangerously possessive the (boy)friend actually is. Â What if the boyfriend is really interested in rickydrexel and confused?
RickyDrexel : I've found a nice talk about how you are feeling and asking what you need to know usually is the best way to go before things get our of hand, much like what others have said. Â It doesn't sound, to me, like being open and honest would be upsetting for him or a bad thing since he knows about your orientation already and clearly wasn't to be involved in your life! Â I hope everything works out the best way and that you keep us updated. Â :hug:
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Sorry, but I have to disagree with what is being posted here. Time for a reality check. If one of my friends was in this situation, this is what I'd tell him:
Your friend sounds to me like a user: he wants his cake and to eat it too. It sounds to me like he wants a wife, but without the strings that come with marriage, but all the benefits. And for him to have YOU as his wife is safe and allows him to date/fuck around: he's not gonna have sex with you, so he doesn't need to worry about that side of things. AND he gets someone to help him raise his kid. Have you become the full-time babysitter yet? It's coming. And he gets to approve of whomever you date - do you get a similar privilege? Sounds controlling to me. And the fact that he thinks it's fun that you have the nude and sex pics only tells me that he likes to be the center of attention.
Look, he may not be doing this intentionally or maliciously, but on some level he knows he's got you in his pocket, so to speak. But YOU know, deep down; otherwise you wouldn't have started this thread. YOU know that this relationship isn't healthy. YOU know he's using your crush on him for his own advantage. YOU know these things.
Look, I don't mean to harsh on you; we've all gotten involved in unhealthy relationships. But honestly, a good relationship is one between partners. Does this sound like a partnership? From what you've written, it doesn't to me. Plus, if you really, truly, deeply, love him, can you handle him seeing/fucking/loving others, orientation aside? Jealously will come, my friend, and the green monster doesn't go away, it only grows. If this were a straight relationship, I would say this is borderline emotionally abusive. Actually, the genders and orientations involved are unimportant: this IS a borderline emotionally abusive relationship.
So this is what I would tell my friend: Think of yourself and your own well being first. Sometimes a little bit of measured, reasonable, self centeredness (sp?) can be a good thing. Leave this situation before you get in deeper. This will not end well.
I'm sorry, but this situation needed some straight, blunt talk.
Good luck. Stay strong.
While this all could be true, I have to say, only going by the facts we know so far, that saying "this will not end well" is making a leap. Â It's true they do need some straight, blunt talk, but I think it's too early to say the relationship is doomed. Â There is a lot more we don't know, such as whether rickydrexel has a say in the women his straight friend sees or how seriously/dangerously possessive the (boy)friend actually is. Â What if the boyfriend is really interested in rickydrexel and confused?
RickyDrexel : I've found a nice talk about how you are feeling and asking what you need to know usually is the best way to go before things get out of hand, much like what others have said. Â It doesn't sound like being open and honest would be upsetting for him or a bad thing, since he knows about your orientation already and clearly wants to be involved in your life! Â I hope everything works out the best way and that you keep us updated. Â :hug:
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It is possible, but mind the money!
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Rickydrexel, do you have any updates?
