This year, I resolve to:
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Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.
I will always "check for paper"when leaving the restroom.
I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.
I will always wear clean underwear, "just in case"
I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.
I will no longer park the BMW next to fire hydrants.
and never again will I try to diffuse an explosive device with the help of a known practical joker
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