Not Yet Out - What to do?
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Situation: You're not yet out of the closet. Your friends (close friends) decide they want to settle your single-dom and set you up with a girl they think would be great for you. As a gay, you are faced with one of five choices. Which one would you choose and why?
Please feel free to expound on your choice in a reply to this thread. Just wondering what you would do. I'll post my experience in the next reply.
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At work, my batchmates (there are only six of us) started pestering me and asking me all sorts of questions about what kind of girl i would like.
I normally have a set of answers that would pretty much negate a lot of their choices. For example, I insist on a slightly nerdy but highly cultured lady who would still be willing to go to the… crowded part of town to eat at some really nice restaurants. it makes it harder for them to find a person who would like my particular brand of humor and quirkiness.
However, one time as we were waiting for our trainer in the office, they started bandying around the idea of a female professor who they thought was perfect for me. eventually they said something like "If you don't want to go on a date with her, you have to give us a real reason why."
So at that time, i decided to tell them, so i chose "Okay, but i promise it will be unlike any reason you were expecting. The reason I won't go out with her is because I already have a boyfriend."
They were floored. One of them shook hands, and all the girls hugged me. The other guy didn't react much because that meant that all the teasing would swing right back to him. Two days later they insisted that they meet my bf. They did, and they were happier because then I could share more of my life outside work with them (i spend a lot of time with my boyfriend).
It all turned out well, I think.
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You should just tell them that you're gay. Society has become a lot more welcoming to homosexuality now. In most cases, people just don't care whether you're gay or straight. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter if you're gay or not.
I'm a believer in that everybody should live their best life. And the living of your best life only comes about from being who you are rather than closeting away in silence. You should be able to express yourself in full honesty. If people take issue with your homosexuality then they're not the friends you should be wanting to have around you.
:love:
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I found myself in the same situation of yours and I did the same.
Most people told me that they were happy for me, and other avoided me for the rest of my days during my job in the insurance office where I worked years ago.
Sincerity: it works fine, and avoid future troubles.
Well done, and best wishes
:hug2: -
I don't know about in your country, but at least here, society has really become a lot more accepting. Even in smaller "redneck" farmer communities where such a thing is more commonly considered "blasphemy", the worst that you'll generally ever get is a feeling that you can tell the person is uncomfortable about it for whatever the reason, but won't say or do anything about it.
I don't know about you, but for me, trying to deny who I was to anyone (well for the longest time everyone) was one of the hardest things I could possibly do. It really does make things much easier in the end when you come out openly and honestly. You might actually find that you may create a situation where the guys will wish they could be you because often times I've found that once your female friends know, it kind of takes things to a whole new level because they have that comfort zone of knowing they could be smokin' hot and dressed to the nine, but don't have to worry about YOU having any sexual intentions.
If you're not in an area where you'd get beheaded or anything like that, I really do suggest that you honestly tell them. It really can go a long way.
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Haven't told my current team. I figure it may be better later on, but still not planning to say anything about it at this point.
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I was annoyed with my friends asking me about girls, so I told them directly, in quite a natural way. I guess they somehow expected it.
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Can't speak to what you should do, but I've been in the similar situation.
I just thanked them and told them I really wasn't interested.
I wouldn't lie about another type of girl, or date them just to fit in. I feel two things (a) I need to be true to myself and not lie about who I am; and; (b) my sex life isn't really an acceptable topic of discussion. I don't need to be confrontational about it, but direct the conversation in another direction.
Just my tuppence
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What happened to the ''thanks, but mind your own business'' choice?
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just be like :cheesy2:
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Haven't told my current team. I figure it may be better later on, but still not planning to say anything about it at this point.
How did things eventually turn out?
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Just tell them you like guys. Maybe they will hook you up with a dude.
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Maybe if a friend is pushing some girl onto your way you could say…She's not really my type, but you look jummy
I still think that at least normal parents should know. Not because they need to know, but because home should be a safe place that you could come to. Well in ideal world at least. I'm not the one who should even be allowed to give opinion as I'm straight, but I still just want you guys to have a normal life like others can -
im not out yet.
i dont know if my friends suspect anything.
i ve been never in that hypothetical situation before.
so: my reaction would be "i am currently not interested in a relationship, i have not thought about that recently." -
I can tell you how I saw my cousin when he wasn't out yet. At least I didn't know yet. He was always saying he would never spent money for women so I just thought he was cheap or something. But beside that I didn't think he was weird or anything. He was just my little cousin. Not that little now, but I still see him in my mind like he was at 5 and 9. Always asking granpa to give him wine to drink. Didn't see anything strange that he didn't have girlfriend yet. One other cousin didn't have a girlfriend untill he was probably 30. Maybe he did, but I never met one and that wasn't strange either.
