The Gay Community's Fear and Loathing of Asian Men Must End
-
Opinion piece from the Advocate
An excerpt:
Talking about race is tricky. I think we can all agree on that.
Nobody wants to be the boy who cried racist. But it’s also important to reflect and dissect some of the ways that we think about, feel for, and judge others. Society has grown more inclusive in so many ways, but we still have a long way to go. I share my experience not for myself, but for the furtherance of inclusion and understanding of minority experiences. I also understand that we all have our types. Maybe I’m not yours. Maybe I am. I’m not here to convince you that you should find men of Asian-descent to be sexy. What I do want to have is a conversation about why this marginalization of Asian men exists not only in our own culture but on a much larger scale. For my battle personally, it’s the perception of race and the stigmas behind it, true or not, that is the issue. I hope you continue reading, continue thinking, and continue growing. I hope we can do this together.
In the last few years, I have suddenly become very aware of my race. No, I wasn’t adopted, and to my knowledge, I’m only partially color-blind. It wasn’t until Hollywood started to have a conversation about whitewashing Asian characters when I fully realized that I was part of a minority group who wasn’t being seen or heard.
I am mixed race. My mom was born and raised in Hong Kong, and my father is from California. In case you need further clarification, I’m half Chinese and half Caucasian (mostly German, we think). I ride the line 50/50. I was also born in Hong Kong and then raised in a mostly white, affluent suburb in Northern California; less than 20 miles outside of San Francisco. I even went by my Chinese name for the first 20 years of my life before deciding to go by my legally given first name for “professional reasons.” I never thought twice about it until I moved to Los Angeles to act and began to learn that some people just want to put you into an identifiable box. Asian (check!). Nerd (check!). Asexual (wait). Where I was told my “ethnic ambiguity” would be an asset, I later realized that it simply made me harder to define.
Now let’s set Hollywood aside and deal with another problem at hand: the desexualization of Asian males, specifically within the LGBTQI community. It’s 2018 and people still feel that it’s OK to write “No blacks, no Asians. Not racist, just my preference” in their dating profiles. (OK, fine. Hookup app profiles.) Excluding an entire group of people by calling out a specific race is the absolute definition of racism. Plain and simple. By writing that, one implies that if someone were choosing between the last two men on earth (regardless of personality, skills, size, shape, etc.) that one option could feasibly be eliminated solely based on skin color.
Behind a veil of anonymity on these apps, people feel that they can say whatever, no holds barred, and that no one will be offended. I believe that sexual racism exists. Those who are writing “not into Asians” on their profiles aren’t necessarily mistreating Asians in their day-to-day lives, but there must be something else that lies beneath the surface, subconscious and dormant. Again, I’m not telling you that you can’t have a type, but I want to question where this “type” stems from.
The media controls much of what we see and experience as a culture. When I was growing up in the '90s, there were ever fewer Asian actors/models/storytellers in the public eye. Sure, we had Jackie Chan and Jet Li, but they were known for their martial arts and were never considered to be traditionally “sexy” leading men – and it’s definitely not to say that they couldn’t be. I always think back on the 2000 film Romeo Must Die with Jet Li and Aaliyah. In an R-rated film, the two of them had a pretty PG relationship. Even as a leading man, Jet Li wasn’t ever set up to “get the girl.”
How often did we see the token Asian character as just a tech nerd or sidekick? How often were Asian men included in People’s Sexiest Man Alive issue? How often were Asian men positioned to lead a film that wasn’t just based in martial arts? We are making progress and kicking down doors now in 2018, fighting for diversity and inclusion, but you can’t help but wonder if this period of time has shaped the way many people think and feel about who or what they are attracted to. My mind races back to what we did consider to be sexy (or even just slightly scandalous) back then and I can really only think of the Abercrombie & Fitch catalogues, filled with what they wanted us to view as the male ideal – young, straight, muscled, and white.
-
I used the remember the Advocate being very good…what happened to it?
Anyway, another rant regarding race. Though the writer must remember he's developing in a society that, even as the melting pot it is, still groups people of certain races into certain cliches.
I find certain asian men to be incredibly sexy...yes, I had pervy feelings towards Jackie Chan. Bruce Lee's bare and ripped torso during the mirror-maze scene in Enter The Dragon aroused certain feelings in my younger self...pretty strong ones.
What I'm trying to say is that for every Asian complaining about their 'de-sexualization' by the evil and vain white men, there are several white men who love 'em.
(Granted, there are handsome asian men and ugly asian men, just like with any race)
-
Clearly, this is another rant at white people.
Any other group can have a preference for their own race, but white people are racists if we do.
No one gets butt hurt over chubby chasers, but they get butt hurt over those that aren't.
If a white person claims to be "color blind", they are called a racist. If they admiot they see color, then they are called a racist.
-
"You must be white downstairs" seems like a pretty iffy thing to say to a biracial guy, tbh.
-
This is stupid.
Just because you don't find someone personally attractive makes you a racist?I am very very multiracial. Got a little bit of every corner of the globe in me. But I am picky about who I sleep with.
But when it comes to being friends? Then I am color blind completely.All people have preferences and races is one of those larger categories that people are just placed in.
People need to quit looking for racism where there isn't any.
-
Frankly, telling others who they MUST find attractive strikes me as really, really, really wrong. A person is attracted to who they are attracted to - and no-one else but that person should EVER have a say in it. It's a very personal thing, and nobody has the right to turn it into a vehicle to shame others.
-
Frankly, telling others who they MUST find attractive strikes me as really, really, really wrong. A person is attracted to who they are attracted to - and no-one else but that person should EVER have a say in it. It's a very personal thing, and nobody has the right to turn it into a vehicle to shame others.
The irony is strong with this one.
You believe that gays are evil unless they adopt the name queer, but here you are saying we have the right to personal preferences.
-
If someone says "No blacks, no Asians. Not racist, just my preference", fuck them and don't waste your time.
There are so many many gay men (white, black, asian…), you just need one to choose you and whom you choose.
-
I know this is a very cliche opening statement but I don't see color. I don't categorize people that do as "bad people" either because let's be real… some people just weren't raised right, and the beliefs instilled within you as a child more than often tend to follow you into adulthood. I just choose not to surround myself with those types of people. I was a 90's kid and we were basically spearheading the generations of "unlimited love." I am attracted to men from all ethnic backgrounds. The tone of someone's skin shouldn't define whether or not they are good looking or their character as a person. If you're not into someone you should let them down easy saying "Sorry you're not my type, but new friends are welcomed." Otherwise you end up making a fool of yourself when it comes to online dating. Don't be that guy, no one likes him. /End rant
-
Frankly, telling others who they MUST find attractive strikes me as really, really, really wrong. A person is attracted to who they are attracted to - and no-one else but that person should EVER have a say in it. It's a very personal thing, and nobody has the right to turn it into a vehicle to shame others.
No one says you MUST find everyone attractive.
BUT if you find someone unattractive then conclude that all the people in the same community/category with that someone are unattractive, that is the rub.I see attractive and unattractive people in every race and culture but I would never say that "no that race, no that color", that is indeed racist.
Do you seriously not find any ANY black/asian/brown person attractive? Not even one? Really?????
-
These threads always scream of anti-white racism.
In another thread, I showed that ALL races have similar levels of preference to their own race. I was reported for being racist simply for showing that no race was better or worse than any other in this regard. That's the problem, I'm "evil" for showing stats on racial preferences by race in dating/relationships which shows "demons" of the earth.
-
Hollywood promotes racism and hatred for many things..
-
I consider myself to be very fortunate. I can find sexy in all races of men. With that said, I still have a type or look that turns my crank more than others, and I usually define that in my online profiles. The one thing that clearly comes across as racist to all minorities or multi-racial chaps are the disclaimers that read: NO BLACKS, NO ASIANS, NO MEXICANS, NO INDIANS, NO NATIVES, etc. One can find a way to say what turns them on without coming across as a total racist douche. Being multi-racial, I can understand where author of the article is coming from. I have heard or seen self described non-racists, say or gesture some pretty racist stuff when the object of their racism was not present. Things like slanting eyes, speaking with a stereotypical Indian inflection, or ridiculing someone based upon a preconceived notion of their cock size (big/small) are some of the more benign things that I have witnessed.
-
I consider myself to be very fortunate. I can find sexy in all races of men. With that said, I still have a type or look that turns my crank more than others, and I usually define that in my online profiles. The one thing that clearly comes across as racist to all minorities or multi-racial chaps are the disclaimers that read: NO BLACKS, NO ASIANS, NO MEXICANS, NO INDIANS, NO NATIVES, etc. One can find a way to say what turns them on without coming across as a total racist douche. Being multi-racial, I can understand where author of the article is coming from. I have heard or seen self described non-racists, say or gesture some pretty racist stuff when the object of their racism was not present. Things like slanting eyes, speaking with a stereotypical Indian inflection, or ridiculing someone based upon a preconceived notion of their cock size (big/small) are some of the more benign things that I have witnessed.
Are you equally butthurt at non-whites do racist things or are you one of those people that claim that only whites can be racist?
Also, all races are about the same when it comes to preferring to date/marry within their own race.
-
Raphe, you really need to chill before you have a stroke! I never mentioned anything about my feelings. I simply stated that I could understand the perspective of the author. Moreover, understanding does not always mean agreement! And yes, all races can exhibit and promote racism. White people do not have a monopoly on that. I have never bought into the current notion that only white people can be racist. That is a bunch of BS in my opinion. Being multiracial, I get to see things from the inside out of several cultures. And yes, I can say that some in the Asian and African communities can be equally racist in their dealings with people of other ethnicities. Now regarding the statistics surrounding dating preferences amongst the races, it would be safe to say that most asians marry other asians, whites other whites, blacks other blacks, etc. There is no disputing that. People have a right to like what turns their crank sexually and mentally, and they usually cultivate that interest from their environment. My opinion has always been that everyone is entitled to their preferences so long as they are not based exclusively on racial stereotypes and community acquired prejudices. Like you and all other humans, I, too, have preferences. I am willing to look at potential partners from all races, but when I comes down to it, I do have attributes that turn my crank more so than others and there is NOTHING wrong with that.
-
NO BLACKS, NO ASIANS, NO MEXICANS, NO INDIANS, NO NATIVES, etc.
That's what you put. You excluded racism against whites, which is what we always see in these threads.
That is why it's easy to assume in these situations.
-
Raphe, citing what one wrote out of context does not help your argument. I was speaking from the minority's perspective when I listed of that series of NO's, Furthermore, I think that I made it crystal clear in my follow up thread that NO one race has a monopoly on the ability to be racist. Nor do I believe that only whites can be racist. It is total BS in my opinion. And yes, some guys within other ethnic groups can be just as bad with their NO White Guys disclaimers in profiles. I have seen a few of those myself and thought to myself, what a douche!
-
My previous post was an explanation of my earlier post to you, not a further debate.
-
Raphe, citing what one wrote out of context does not help your argument.
dw, he's just a broken record from having to repeatedly dismiss the claims of self-reported SJW "liberals" who are ironically, the worst kind of totalitarians.
anyway… this kinda shit is a great hypocrisy. you can't claim freedom of individual to choose partners gender, but say you can't choose race or any other property that may or may not turn you on.
it's also amusing that americans seem to project the american race-dynamics to the rest of the world. nope. it doesn't work like that here. (almost all european "racism" is exclusively directed at overt muslims; and it's likely natives can garner more hate for a nearby adversary town of white inbreds than blacks/asians (football brings out the biggest stupid in people ;D))
i mean, just the attitude difference to indians vs pakistanis here is huge and they are, naked to the untrained eye, indistinguishable. and what's amusing is they hate each other far more than whites hate either of them xD
also the irony of calling out anti-asian preferences: if you want to see racism in action, go to fucking china. they literally call and compare black people to monkeys and they will never get anything but the worst of the worst jobs (Cue detergent advert that literally showed a "dirty" black guy in a washing machine coming out as a clean chinese). and heaven forbid your chinese gf/bf's parents find out s/he's dating a non-chinese (yes, even whites). SHAMEFUL.
japanese are borderline xenophobic. but their incredibly polite culture somewhat hides it: but don't be fooled, as a tourist you are more a novelty attraction; but it is almost impossible to truly assimilate.
-
Reminded me of my gay trip to Thailand few years back. On the tour, I saw this douche badmouthing and bragging his 'sequal conquest' and stuff, my bf almost slapped the shit out of him. The rest of the tour group just glared at him to shut the fuck up. It was hilarious to see him cowered like that :hehe:
